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New poem

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New poem

Postby Reveldevil48 » Sun Nov 29, 2015 10:53 am

Here's a new poem I'll try to keep it simple

Raindrops
By Chelsey

Raindrops fall
On my head
In my hair

I love the sound
Like drumbeats
When raindrops fall

Raindrops fall
From sky to ground
Washing the earth

A little longer than last one. Enjoy
"I'm so happy because today I've found my friends...they're in my head" Kurt cobain
Reveldevil48
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Re: New poem

Postby Sosaxolicious » Sun Nov 29, 2015 11:20 am

I love rain!

Reveldevil48 wrote:Here's a new poem I'll try to keep it simple

Raindrops
By Chelsey

Raindrops fall
On my head
In my hair Nice meter in this stanza, all three lines have the same rhythm. However you already said they fall on your head which implies on your hair, something like "raindrops falling/upon my head/adorn my hair"

I love the sound
Like drumbeats
When raindrops fall I would switch the second and third lines of this stanza, placing a : at the end of the second line. for the third line, resembling drumbeats, like that of drumbeats, etc.

Raindrops fall
From sky to ground
Washing the earth This last line needs to have a bigger impact.

A little longer than last one. Enjoy

It's been raining here the past few days. My family even took a walk in the rain on Thanksgiving. You couldn't have posted this at a better time :)
.... the Cambridge ladies do not care, above
Cambridge if sometimes in its box of
sky lavender and cornerless, the
moon rattles like a fragment of angry candy
closing lines of the Cambridge ladies who live in furnished souls by e. e. cummings
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Re: New poem

Postby Reveldevil48 » Sun Nov 29, 2015 11:38 am

Thank you and yeah I should've switched those lines was going to but didn't I'm itching to write one more so bear with me

Untitled
By Chelsey

Rain comes and goes
Like clouds
Moving across the sky
It falls in a delicate sheet
Covering the ground
Like a blanket

Soft as silk
Heavy as snow
Thin as air
Rain comes and goes
Like thunder
Dancing in the sky

Another long one. Enjoy
"I'm so happy because today I've found my friends...they're in my head" Kurt cobain
Reveldevil48
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Location: In my own little world...my head

Re: New poem

Postby Sheena » Tue Jun 20, 2017 5:31 pm

Who puts a blanket on wet ground?
Are you having a picnic?
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