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I miss her, even after 2 years.

Need dating advice? Wanna talk about sex? Just broke up with your boyfriend? Complain about your ex? Jealousy ruining your relationship? Is he/she cheating? This is the forum to discuss and share your real life experiences.

I miss her, even after 2 years.

Postby Elegant Void » Tue Feb 17, 2015 4:02 am

I am a flawed man. That's why she left me.

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a hot spring day, sun cracking in the window. I had gotten the big text " we need to talk". From that moment on I knew my fate was sealed.

I met her at her house, 3:00 p.m., the clouds covered the sun as I approached her doorstep. I proceeded to knock, and was greeted by the once beautiful face that I had grown to love over the years. This time though, her face filled with discontent, one I had seen many a time before on her face. She walks me to her room, and we take a seat on her bed. She gets under the covers and lays down, turning her back to me. Poor girl, she probably couldn't look me in my face to see the hurt in my eyes. I ask her "what's wrong? What would you like to talk about?". No answer. I gently grab her shoulder and pull her towards me. Her eyes swollen with tears.

When she was younger she had a problem with we tear ducts. The doctors had to shove a tube through her nose through her sinuses and into her eye, that way her tears could drain. Otherwise the adorable 4 year old girl would end up looking like rocky after he fought Apollo, just from a little cry.

She was a sensitive girl, I've seen her cry many times before, although my usual routine of cheering her up were futile now. "Baby what's wrong, can you tell me what's on your mind?". And thus came the truth of her hurt. Her years with me and my insecurities had made her heart heavy. I was destroying the beautiful girl that I had somehow charmed into my life. So that was it. She was done. Her tears turned into a strong face of a women who looked like she lifted the world off her chest.

Here I was, the crappy boyfriend of the girl who is saved by the protagonist of every film. We can't all be winners. The news was hard on me, as the sadness that she lifted off her chest slowly began to crush mine. That feeling when you're on a roller coaster and you drop after they pull you up the tracks, the inertia, slamming down on your inner organs; that's what it felt like. A plummet into a void where my heart rised to my throat, choking away the life that had once brimmed with joy. Who am I kidding, I've never truly been happy anyway.

As she stares into my pitiful display of outpouring, I could only imagine she regretted the words she said to me. Or at least that's what I tell myself. We embrace for one last time, hugging and holding eachother tighter than ever. I'm kissing her like I would do if I found my dog dead laying in the street. That's what it felt like. You losing your best friend, the one you pictured you'd spend the rest of your life with.

Childish thoughts. Immaturity that was killed by the waking reality of life. Like they say, when life hits you, it hits you hard. and it did. My chest is still broken from the blow actually. Here I wonder, if time heals all wounds, then why am I still hurting? Maybe it's because I dig away at the scar with the talons of my memories, reopening the empty void that occupies my soul.

2 years. 2 years and still no one. 2 years and she's happy. It's alright, that's all I wanted for her anyway. A nice guy that can treat her right like I never could. Drake songs make sense to me now. "The women that I would try, is happy with a good guy" as it loops through my head in an endless repeated melody

2 years and I still hurt. 2 years and I've changed. As I think, maybe I can win her back by showing her how much I've changed. I never gave into that desperation.

We've seen eachother after the breakup, in fact I saw her because she got into a fight with her new man and she confided in me to cheer her up like I used to. Sure it was awkward at first, but soon enough we were talking just like we would back during happier days. She told me everything. Apparently her boyfriend went on vacation and saw his ex down there, only to get weed from his ex because she had a medical marijuana card. He promised to Melanie that he would never see her again. (Btw my exs name is Melanie, this is information I probably should've shared before). She cried and cried. and I cheered her up. I even convinced her to stay over my house, prolonging the time til she left, and prolonging the depression associated with her departure.

She left in the morning. Though before she left, she told me we could never speak again, and I couldn't tell anyone I saw her. This hurt me beyond words, how could I ignore the one I cared for so deeply? Act like she never existed?

Fast forward months later. I wanted answers. Why did you do this to me? Was I your tissue that you could cry into and throw away once you were finished? In fact, I called her from an unknown number (because she blocked my number) just so I could get answers. She answers, but as soon as I say my name she hangs up. I call back again. Her boyfriend picks up, and I'm left here thinking that maybe she is not even worth my time if I can't even talk to her without the supervision of her new puppet.

In fact, writing about this now is mending my wounds. Little and little I feel better off without her. It's somewhat like a love/hate relationship that occupys my heart. I hate that she used me, but I loved the times we shared. At the end of the day (or rather start of the day) it's me whose writing about this heartache at 5:30 in the morning.

Well I came here meaning to vent and to get help from someone, but I find that just writing about it has helped me draw conclusions in my own mind and helped me alleviate the pain. If you took the time to read this all, then I salute you. Feel free to leave comments of any experience that you had of similar importance. Thank you and god loves you.
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Re: I miss her, even after 2 years.

Postby sayuri » Tue Feb 17, 2015 4:44 pm

Honestly I haven't been in the same situation as you but, I feel for you all the same.
I remember going through a harsh breakup though. They can sometimes be nasty but try to remember that God has the prefect person in mind for you and maybe you haven't met them yet. It is most assuredly going to take time for you to grieve the loss of this relation and the person you were with. Hopefully though maybe you can take comfort in knowing that God has someone wonderful in mind for you. :) Hold onto hope :D
"The fairy poet takes a sheet
Of moonbeam, silver white;
His ink is dew from daisies sweet,
His pen a point of light."
~Joyce Kilmer
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Re: I miss her, even after 2 years.

Postby Elegant Void » Tue Feb 17, 2015 11:25 pm

It's nice confiding in the illusion of hope for a better future. Unfortunately I'm too grounded in reality to know such things do not exist, and that life is less rewarding than some people make it out to be. For it is our own self that creates our current environment, even though there maybe certain circumstances and variables that also create such reality. Although i am uncertain in what I believe and what I don't believe, now is not the time and place to discuss such beliefs. I do appreciate your comment and i don't mean to sound like I took your advice for granted. I can see that you are a positive human being which is something the world needs more of. Thank you.
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Re: I miss her, even after 2 years.

Postby sayuri » Thu Feb 19, 2015 4:36 pm

Elegant Void wrote:It's nice confiding in the illusion of hope for a better future. Unfortunately I'm too grounded in reality to know such things do not exist, and that life is less rewarding than some people make it out to be. For it is our own self that creates our current environment, even though there maybe certain circumstances and variables that also create such reality. Although i am uncertain in what I believe and what I don't believe, now is not the time and place to discuss such beliefs. I do appreciate your comment and i don't mean to sound like I took your advice for granted. I can see that you are a positive human being which is something the world needs more of. Thank you.

Well it is no problem :) If anything remember that Mark Twain had once said" When you fish for love, bait with your heart and not with your brain."
"The fairy poet takes a sheet
Of moonbeam, silver white;
His ink is dew from daisies sweet,
His pen a point of light."
~Joyce Kilmer
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Re: I miss her, even after 2 years.

Postby Elegant Void » Thu Feb 19, 2015 8:50 pm

Well it is no problem :) If anything remember that Mark Twain had once said" When you fish for love, bait with your heart and not with your brain."

Wow, that is an eye opening quote, thank you so much for sharing that :) :lol:

*i hope i don't sound sarcastic or anything, because I really mean it :D
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Re: I miss her, even after 2 years.

Postby Goldmoon » Thu Feb 19, 2015 11:28 pm

The mark of a good writer is writing from the heart. - You should write more, it was a nice read. Though I know the subject matter wasn't great for you, its a worthy hobby.

Journaling does help. It lets you get things off your chest. Sometimes even helps get a better perspective on things.

Perfect quote Sayuri! I love it too and think I may file that one away for future use!

Loosing a relationship is much like grieving death, some people take longer than others to get through it. Don't push yourself, allow yourself to work through it on your own time. Love really does come when you least expect it. And while you may be flawed there is someone out there that will love your flaws as well as your perfections. I know the words seem empty as you are still missing her, but everything happens for a reason and it will all make sense to you in time. :)
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Re: I miss her, even after 2 years.

Postby sayuri » Fri Feb 20, 2015 4:44 pm

Perfect quote Sayuri! I love it too and think I may file that one away for future use!

Thanks Goldie!! Hope you don't mind me calling you that :shock:
"The fairy poet takes a sheet
Of moonbeam, silver white;
His ink is dew from daisies sweet,
His pen a point of light."
~Joyce Kilmer
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Re: I miss her, even after 2 years.

Postby Goldmoon » Fri Feb 20, 2015 5:07 pm

Not at all! :)
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Re: I miss her, even after 2 years.

Postby Elegant Void » Sat Feb 21, 2015 5:41 am

Goldmoon wrote:The mark of a good writer is writing from the heart. - You should write more, it was a nice read. Though I know the subject matter wasn't great for you, its a worthy hobby.

Journaling does help. It lets you get things off your chest. Sometimes even helps get a better perspective on things.

Perfect quote Sayuri! I love it too and think I may file that one away for future use!

Loosing a relationship is much like grieving death, some people take longer than others to get through it. Don't push yourself, allow yourself to work through it on your own time. Love really does come when you least expect it. And while you may be flawed there is someone out there that will love your flaws as well as your perfections. I know the words seem empty as you are still missing her, but everything happens for a reason and it will all make sense to you in time. :)


I already kind of do something with creative writing...I'm a hip hop artist. I appreciate you saying that though, I'm glad I could entertain you with my writing :3
I've thought about journaling, maybe I could give it a try..
That is a very interesting perspective, about grieving and what not. Trust me friend your words are not empty, and in very glad you can share them :D
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Re: I miss her, even after 2 years.

Postby Goldmoon » Tue Mar 03, 2015 12:38 am

Not surprised to hear that you already write. :) - ya know feeling things deeply and not being afraid to put emotions out to the world will only help further the hip hop stuff you do. So perhaps its not a bad thing you have this muse for a short time.

2 years may not seem short, but it is comparatively. The older you get the faster time goes...lol I have spent longer pining over loves lost, but I didn't stop living and going through life.

People always ask how you 'know' someone is the one - and its going through experience like this that help you gain that intuitive 'knowing'. Either way you win. She may one day look back and think - wow that was a really good one OR better yet - you will find another that brings out the same feelings with many more good times and a more pure intent and then you will 'know'.

Unfortunately there are no magic words that will suddenly make the missing her better. All the logical sense in the world doesn't stop the feelings so you do gotta just ride it out. Let it inspire you rather than drag you down. What you do with it makes all the difference. Put it into your hip hop. Then it wasn't all for nothing. :)

Though I do believe you have a gift for writing and if you go with it there is much more you could do. Story telling is just realllllyyyy long songs....lol
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Re: I miss her, even after 2 years.

Postby Elegant Void » Thu Jun 18, 2015 1:33 am

Goldmoon wrote:Not surprised to hear that you already write. :) - ya know feeling things deeply and not being afraid to put emotions out to the world will only help further the hip hop stuff you do. So perhaps its not a bad thing you have this muse for a short time.

2 years may not seem short, but it is comparatively. The older you get the faster time goes...lol I have spent longer pining over loves lost, but I didn't stop living and going through life.

People always ask how you 'know' someone is the one - and its going through experience like this that help you gain that intuitive 'knowing'. Either way you win. She may one day look back and think - wow that was a really good one OR better yet - you will find another that brings out the same feelings with many more good times and a more pure intent and then you will 'know'.

Unfortunately there are no magic words that will suddenly make the missing her better. All the logical sense in the world doesn't stop the feelings so you do gotta just ride it out. Let it inspire you rather than drag you down. What you do with it makes all the difference. Put it into your hip hop. Then it wasn't all for nothing. :)

Though I do believe you have a gift for writing and if you go with it there is much more you could do. Story telling is just realllllyyyy long songs....lol


Hey goldmoon, sorry I never saw your reply to this, it's been a while since I've been on. I go on and off with this site, but this site is home to me.

You have said some deeply meaningful words, they mean alot. I actually did write a few songs about the hurt and such, one I have recorded, when it's done being mixed I'll share it with you.

Also I'd like to share an update with you guys, for whoever reading. I had an epiphany last weekend. It was prom weekend for my friend, I'm out of highschool, I just went down to see him. I ended up seeing my ex there with another guy, and he was slapping her ass/all over her. At first it hurt, but you know what? After that hurt, I said fuck it, why do I care? I want to move on with my life and be happy. I only live a short amount of time and I want to change the world for the better, wallowing in my sadness won't help me do that. I felt that after seeing that, anything I go through will just be a short step rather than a hurdle. You all can gain my strength, just love yourself before anyone else.

If anyone needs help with a problem please feel free to message me, if I don't respond right away, that just means I haven't been on in a while. Goodbye everyone, I'm signing off this thread
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Re: I miss her, even after 2 years.

Postby MissMuffet » Mon Jun 25, 2018 8:49 am

Mine's going to be in it's 5th year and I'm still grieving.
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