Is My Boyfriend Being Inconsiderate or Am I Crazy?

[susan2121]

We've been together 6 months now and everything has always been okay. But all of a sudden 3 weeks ago it feels, to me, that he has stopped caring as much. He always says how much he loves me and wants to be with me, but actions speak louder than words right?

He's always messing up our plans that we have made days in advance. Like for example (and this has literally happened 12 times): I will be at work or busy doing something and we have plans for after. He goes and hangs out with his friends or goes and does something too which is fine. But when it comes time for us to hang out, he is still with his friends or is all of a sudden too tired to Hang out. Or it comes time for us to hang out and he fell asleep and doesn't even text/call me back. And if it's not either of those, he makes ridiculous excuses that don't have any evidence behind them. Most recently yesterday we were going to be at his house and cook together. But I came down with a 100 DEGREE TEMPERATURE and couldnt come over. So instead of him coming to see me and make sure I was ok, he was too worried about the food spoiling (which could be re-refrigerated), his basement flooding (it didn't even rain), and watching the house while his parents were away (he would only be at my house for 3-4 hours and they have a security system). Is this NOT okay or am I just being "a typical girl"?? :/ He makes it out to be my fault and I shouldn't get upset with him because he can't control things. But when its HIS choices and HIS inability to man up and take responsibility, should I really take blame here?? I tried being understanding at first but after it happening all the time it's hard to be that way. What should I do??

[gargoylegoil]

He's just not that into you.

[Guardian7347]

Yes. Actions speak louder than words. It feels like, while your complaints are legitimate, you may be going a bit overboard with your criticism. Don't let him convince you that your being a "typical girl"(I rather detest that cop-out), that is usually used to distract from their own behavior. Stand your ground on your beliefs, but go softly in your approach.

[gargoylegoil]

Yes. Actions speak louder than words. It feels like, while your complaints are legitimate, you may be going a bit overboard with your criticism. Don't let him convince you that your being a "typical girl"(I rather detest that cop-out), that is usually used to distract from their own behavior. Stand your ground on your beliefs, but go softly in your approach.

A sugarcoated way of saying exactly what I stated.

[susan2121]

I either believe he doesn't care anymore, he's tryin to push me away on purpose, but part of me hopes he's just really really stupid and has no clue of the reality of the situation. I care about him a lot and don't want it to come down to
Breaking up. I've tried talking to him but he seems oblivious to the fact that it's not ok and hurting our relationship.

[jojo]

I think you and I could possibly be sharing the same BF Mine avoids me when sick because he doesn't want to catch it.

Think back those 3 weeks, what changed or happened? He could be hanging out with another girl during times he ignores you, he certainly would never tell you if he was so he'd make up polite enough excuses, idk. Go over to where he is and see for yourself after sending a text that isn't answered back or is oddly replied to.

[susan2121]

Haha aw. He doesn't avoid me when I'm sick. After today I honestly think he's just stupid It's definitely not another girl. I know that 100%. The only thing that has changed is he went back to work after being off for 2 months. Yes it's an adjustment for both of us. And that's why it's been stressful and he's been tired. I completely get that. But it also cuts our time together by a lot. He gets up at 5am and has to be in bed by 10pm latest. Which means his time that he isn't working or sleeping is important for us to spend time together. I don't care if he does other things but when we have plans already set its not fair to constantly cancel or not make time for me. The worst part is he thinks everything is ok 100% of the time.

[Soulkiss333]

Well, I think if he was really just clueless or stupid as you put it he would have been like this the whole 6 months not these last 3 weeks. Doesnt add up. When you house sit for someone it doesnt mean they have to be there 24 hours, I house sit for ppl, but I also go to work and school. I get the part of getting used to going back to work, but if he can make time for his friends he can make time for you or he is just picking his friends over you. And please dont say our schedules are so different because if you are really into someone you will find the time. It does sound like he's just not into the relationship like he was at first, his priorities has change doesnt mean he doesnt like you, but he has other things he rather be doing or realize that he's not ready for a serious relationship so he is kinda pushing it to the side, he is there but he is not. If that is true so sorry.But he did just start worked again (full time I thinking) so maybe just give a little more time and see, work can take a lot out of ppl but again he seem to have time for others which concerns me. But you need to really talk to him and tell him your concerns and ask him if he is into this or not and no bullshit. Also what I didnt really get from this post was you didnt really explain if you are always wanting time with him like every single day and to some ppl that can be draining and yes at first in the relationship it is fine but after a while it drains you. I know that was always a problem I had with others, always wanting my time and I just needed a break from them a day here and there or I just needed to be alone for a little while and I could never explain that to them, they thought that because I wasnt spending my free time with them I didnt care, not true. However, I always talk to ppl and let them know exactly what is going on...sometimes they listen but sometimes they just couldnt hear me.

[gargoylegoil]

I think you and I could possibly be sharing the same BF Mine avoids me when sick because he doesn't want to catch it.

Think back those 3 weeks, what changed or happened? He could be hanging out with another girl during times he ignores you, he certainly would never tell you if he was so he'd make up polite enough excuses, idk. Go over to where he is and see for yourself after sending a text that isn't answered back or is oddly replied to.

That would be stalking. Men DO NOT want to be stalked by their girlfriends, wives, whatever.

[Guardian7347]

I think you and I could possibly be sharing the same BF Mine avoids me when sick because he doesn't want to catch it.

Think back those 3 weeks, what changed or happened? He could be hanging out with another girl during times he ignores you, he certainly would never tell you if he was so he'd make up polite enough excuses, idk. Go over to where he is and see for yourself after sending a text that isn't answered back or is oddly replied to.

That would be stalking. Men DO NOT want to be stalked by their girlfriends, wives, whatever.

Hey now! Speak for yourself! I appreciate a good stalking from time to time! If the behavior warrants the reaction, do what you gotta do, but if once isn't enough to satisfy your curiosity, then your relationship is in serious trouble.

[Guardian7347]

Yes. Actions speak louder than words. It feels like, while your complaints are legitimate, you may be going a bit overboard with your criticism. Don't let him convince you that your being a "typical girl"(I rather detest that cop-out), that is usually used to distract from their own behavior. Stand your ground on your beliefs, but go softly in your approach.

A sugarcoated way of saying exactly what I stated.

LOL I didn't even discuss whether he was still interested or not hon.

[gargoylegoil]

I think you and I could possibly be sharing the same BF Mine avoids me when sick because he doesn't want to catch it.

Think back those 3 weeks, what changed or happened? He could be hanging out with another girl during times he ignores you, he certainly would never tell you if he was so he'd make up polite enough excuses, idk. Go over to where he is and see for yourself after sending a text that isn't answered back or is oddly replied to.

That would be stalking. Men DO NOT want to be stalked by their girlfriends, wives, whatever.

Hey now! Speak for yourself! I appreciate a good stalking from time to time! If the behavior warrants the reaction, do what you gotta do, but if once isn't enough to satisfy your curiosity, then your relationship is in serious trouble.

I just believe you should trust your "mate". And women's intuition is VERY precise. If you think something is wrong,there usually is Guard. I've been there. I knew something was up with my Ex...And when I investigated, I found I WAS right.Henceforth, he's my Ex . But I enjoy your humor.

[Guardian7347]

I think you and I could possibly be sharing the same BF Mine avoids me when sick because he doesn't want to catch it.

Think back those 3 weeks, what changed or happened? He could be hanging out with another girl during times he ignores you, he certainly would never tell you if he was so he'd make up polite enough excuses, idk. Go over to where he is and see for yourself after sending a text that isn't answered back or is oddly replied to.

That would be stalking. Men DO NOT want to be stalked by their girlfriends, wives, whatever.

Hey now! Speak for yourself! I appreciate a good stalking from time to time! If the behavior warrants the reaction, do what you gotta do, but if once isn't enough to satisfy your curiosity, then your relationship is in serious trouble.

I just believe you should trust your "mate". And women's intuition is VERY precise. If you think something is wrong,there usually is Guard. I've been there. I knew something was up with my Ex...And when I investigated, I found I WAS right.Henceforth, he's my Ex . But I enjoy your humor.

On that I agree with you 100%. Generally speaking, women's intuition IS pretty sharp, which is why I encourage her to trust her instincts. However, baseless fear can creep in and wreak havoc. While I don't condone habitual stalking, I also don't encourage either sitting around in fear of what could be or ending a relationship based on fears without evidence. A single exercise in "trust but verify"(ie, doing what jojo suggested) isn't stalking, and would do much to put a worried mind at ease. If, however, that single exercise doesn't settle the mind, and susan finds herself doing this on a repeat basis, then there is obviously some serious trust issues and another course of action is then required.

[susan2121]

Alrighty.

I definitely wouldn't stalk him haha or anything like that. When he says he's somewhere, especially at work, I know he is. But yes I will admit I do have trust issues sometimes but only when I have a reason. I am going to trust him though. We had a talk about everything that's been going on. He didn't even realize how much what he kept doing bothered me. He thought everything was ok but now he knows how I've been feeling. I had tried to explain in the past but this time I really sat down and had him fully hear me out. He said he had been stressed from going back to work and wasn't trying to push me to to the back burner but it happened. He promised me that things will be different and he'll make more time for us to spend together. We actually had a romantic date night last night :] so hopefully he will stick to his word with this and give us time together more often.

[JeremyM]

That would be stalking. Men DO NOT want to be stalked by their girlfriends, wives, whatever.

I've been there. I knew something was up with my Ex...And when I investigated

Isn't investigated just another word for stalking, lolz? I don't think it would be called stalking if they were a current bf or husband. I don't see a problem with it from a guys pov either, I'd do the same if I felt shit was suspicious too, it is only wise to figure it out on your own and then move on if true.

If the bf or gf was currently an ex or an ex wife or husband then that to me would be stalking.

[Guardian7347]

That would be stalking. Men DO NOT want to be stalked by their girlfriends, wives, whatever.

I've been there. I knew something was up with my Ex...And when I investigated

Isn't investigated just another word for stalking, lolz?

Technically....investigated would be another word for stalked, not stalking. But yeah, I'm with you on this one man.

[gargoylegoil]

Actually Guard, it was more like snooping, as we were married.

[Guardian7347]

Actually Guard, it was more like snooping, as we were married.

Ah...but it was more like snooped, since it was past-tense!(investigated being the original word used here)

[gargoylegoil]

Either way, it was a good thing I did it...he was doing some sick stuff...

[Guardian7347]

I agree, that's why, if someone has suspicions, I fully encourage them to check it out. Now if they start doing it on a regular basis, then they need to address the trust issues or just walk away. One or the other.

[SharA2]

I would tend to also agree with, jojo, JeremyM and Guardian-- if you suspect something is not right, do not avoid those feelings and go forward and try to find out in what ever way you can if you are just being paranoid or is something really going on. Then if you find something concrete is happening, address it with your boyfriend. Much better to be informed then left alone in the dark wondering.