what would you do?

[kate903]

what would you do if you were being lead on? as in someone knows you like them, but doesn't act upon the situation.

my story is ,that became into a bigger problem, i met a guy along time ago but this year i have been talking to him more. we have 2 classes together so we see each other everyday of the week.my friend told him straight forward that i liked him and he said he knew. he didn't say to my friend if he liked me back.so my problem is that it's been months since the day she (my friend ) had told him i liked him and i have no idea if he likes me back as more than a friend. he texts me every night, we have spent time together outside of class twice alone, and he walks me to our classes we have together. he has said to me "you're a good friend that i want to keep when i'm going to a different school next year" but at the same time he said "who knows. somebody could be falling for you.you just don't know it."

this guy has been driving me crazy no matter how hard i try to move on he just keeps coming back up. i want to get rid of this feeling of not knowing of what to do. (like should i drop him? be friends with him even though it pains me and makes me happy at the same time)

what would you do? what should i do? if he knows i like him, why wouldn't he say he doesn't like me more than friends or the other way around?

please if your good with this stuff let me know what you think.

[Guardian7347]

It sounds like a power issue to me. He seems to be enjoying having this control over you by keeping you dangling on the line. While this is normally sadistic behavior, it IS possible that he does actually like you, and just hasn't learned how to maturely accept this and advance the relationship. I'm only marginally leaning towards the latter, but could easily lean towards the former.
My suggestion is to sit him down and have a serious, no bullshit heart-to-heart with him. Let him know that you need to know if he's interested in being more than just friends, because if he isn't, you're moving on. Yes, this boils down to an ultimatum(as a rule, I despise ultimatums), but his flaky behavior warrants the excessive reaction. If he can't be straight-forward of his own accord, you must push the issue for your own resolution. It's pointless to wait around on someone who isn't really interested. Once you know where he stands, it will be much easier to remain friends without the undue agony of not knowing "where this is heading".

[kate903]

thank you for replying. yes i do understand why i need to have a sit down talk with him,but i'm scared. i don't want to loose him as a friend, but i have the feeling i have been waiting to long to get my answer.

i don't know really how to start the conversation.

these ideas keep running through my head:

1) i could tell him in class that i know he is leading me on
2) i could tell him in class that i knew that my friend had told him i liked him and have no idea how he feels
3)i could be sneaky and ask my friend to have a conversation something like this:
friend~hey do you text kate alot?
boy~ yeah i do
friend~ why?
boy~ blah blah
friend~ do you like kate?
boy~blah blah
(then i get my answer)
4) just wait until i explode

but i am open for ideas!

[perfect_insanity]

go with the second one.

[Soulkiss333]

When I read the first post ...this is what I thought

why do you think he should do what you cant. You have never told him yourself. I am the type of person who never believe that ppl should do or expect ppl to do what I cant. I also prefer ppl to talk to me them self and what the friend tells me doesnt matter. I like confidence in ppl and that could be what he is waiting for. Also, he might be shy a little. Ppl also get confuse on what to do if it involves a good friend and they worry if it is going to ruin the friendship in the long run so they wait for the other person to do or sometimes really dont know how they feel.

After reading the other posts, I feel like you both could be waiting for each other to speak first, I laugh when I read your second post and said you were afraid about the whole friendship thing, which proves my point. Read my sig. "life begins when you get out of your comfort zone". So, get out of your comfort zone and just tell him and dont get your friend to do your talking, do your own talking. Everyone always waiting for the other person, then nothing changes and nothing may ever become of it because y'all both are just waiting, get in life and open your mouth if you want something. Dont wait around for others or you will be waiting for a long time.

You said you feel like you have been waiting too long for an answer...so to get that answer you need to ask the question yourself first or you could be waiting even longer.

I know it is hard for some to make that first move, but that is how you succeed in life, dont yield to your fears. He is your friend and according to you he knows you like him and he is still your friend knowing that, so what are you afraid of. The worst thing is that he likes the friendship and is scared of ruining it so he wants to remain friends, I think that is the worst case scenario in your situations, in the end no matter what he feels y'all will still remain friends.

Good luck to you

I wouldnt do it in class. I would ask him if he would like to meet you somewhere or talked to him on the phone. In class that is putting someone on the spot with a lot of ppl around might be a little tense if you do that esp if he is feeling shy about the whole thing or unsure. It is ok to be nervous so dont over think it, when you finally talk to him it will come out the way it will, sometimes when ppl are nervous it is kinda cute, I think. Also, I wouldnt say the first thing either, I am not convince that he is leading you on by the info you gave us, could be dropping hints. Just because a friend told doesnt mean anything, some ppl are very private ppl and dont like everyone in their business so course he wouldnt tell her anything. I wouldnt tell someone one's friend things like that. I think he might be unsure about his feelings.

@Guridain
Sadistic behavior really? Some of us just like to wait to see if someone has the courage/confidence themself to tell us. Someone who can make up their own mind and not worry what others think or push thru their own fears. Looking for certain personality points. This is very important sometimes so if you are a person who always go for what you want it is important to know the other person will understand you. Also, in my case I am strong minded and if you are not the type of person who speaks up for yourself I might end up walking all over you and that is not what I want to do so I look for ppl who have lots of confidences however, I dont wait around for anyone anymore I usually size ppl up pretty fast and I almost always make the first move. I used to wait I would drop hints and see if they were man enough to talk to me, I gave a few weeks and then just went after them, of course I would walk all over them (didnt realize I was or trying to) and was told I was manipulate and controlling( I made the rules and guidelines of the relationship) which I guess I was but wasnt really trying now I know to stay away from the ones who cant speak up. That isnt sadistic is it? I hate pain and suffering.

[kate903]

thanks everyone! i'll try to tell him how i feel this week. i hope things go smooth and ill post what happens. okay i wont ask him in class i'll ask him in the hall or i don't know... i still don't know how its going to happen. he doesn't like phone calls and he is hard to plan days to hang out.

thanks again!

[kate903]

we were texting ( i know it is wrong)

i said i extremely liked him and he was surprised. i told him that he had been leading me on for sometime, it had been pissing me off not knowing what he thought of me because he knew i liked him. he said he liked me a lot but he didn't want a girlfriend because he wants to know that it won't be bad and crash down in a couple of months.

so that's my answer he likes me a lot but doesn't want a relationship. i am okay with this because there is still 2 months of school left.

thanks for the push dream mooders! i feel a lot better knowing.

[Guardian7347]

@Guridain
Sadistic behavior really? Some of us just like to wait to see if someone has the courage/confidence themself to tell us. Someone who can make up their own mind and not worry what others think or push thru their own fears. Looking for certain personality points. This is very important sometimes so if you are a person who always go for what you want it is important to know the other person will understand you. Also, in my case I am strong minded and if you are not the type of person who speaks up for yourself I might end up walking all over you and that is not what I want to do so I look for ppl who have lots of confidences however, I dont wait around for anyone anymore I usually size ppl up pretty fast and I almost always make the first move. I used to wait I would drop hints and see if they were man enough to talk to me, I gave a few weeks and then just went after them, of course I would walk all over them (didnt realize I was or trying to) and was told I was manipulate and controlling( I made the rules and guidelines of the relationship) which I guess I was but wasnt really trying now I know to stay away from the ones who cant speak up. That isnt sadistic is it? I hate pain and suffering.

No, not at all. You might be controlling(you have a pretty strong personality), but that doesn't make you sadistic. The sadistic people are the ones who derive pleasure from seeing someone else being miserable. For example: Let's say you're dating some guy who is just totally into you. You break up with him for some stupid reason, and you leave him dangling on the hook, being miserable, even though you know you're going to take him back, just because you "want to make him suffer". That's sadistic. You're fine.

[Soulkiss333]

@Gurdian
Good know, I got freaked out there, I was like Nooo!!! Why dont I ever know these things. haha And yeah I never take anyone back after the first go round. Still working on that controlling part but good to know I dont have to add sadistic behavior to my list of things to work on.

@Kate
I wouldnt think the phone or texting is bad, it is better to in person but it beats talking about it with a lot of ppl around, I think. Well, it sounds like it went good, not the exact answer you were hoping for and that kinda sucks. To me, he seem to say that maybe not now but maybe in time. He is still weighting it in. Well, maybe y'all will still be friends this summer or next year unless y'all are going to be going to college. Glad to hear you are ok with it and he does like you, relieve to get it out but again sorry it wasnt exactly what you wanted. But hey see that wasnt so bad!

[Guardian7347]

Still working on that controlling part but good to know I dont have to add sadistic behavior to my list of things to work on.

LOL No, not at all soul. You're absolutely good to go. You know....being controlling isn't necessarily a bad quality. In fact, it can be a very beneficial quality...in moderation. Someone who has controlling tendencies can be very useful in making things happen that may not ordinarily get accomplished. The key is just learning when to channel that natural instinct to dominate and control, and when it's ok to just go with the flow.