Feeling Down A Lot Lately

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

I wasn't exactly sure where I should post this, so if I'm wrong, I apologize.

over the last few months I've been feeling kinda down, things haven't been going how I expected them to at all, and it's starting to take a toll on me. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything anymore, most of my nights are spent awake, typing away at my blog (www.dafuckk.blogspot.com) and scrolling through tumblr, and my days are spent sleeping, I feel like I don't have a life anymore, aside from family it's as if I've lost everyone close to me and I really don't know who to go to anymore, I really don't want to burden my family with my pathetic teenage problems anymore, I just don't know what to do.

~Edited~
Sorry, my computer shut down in the middle of typing this, I'm surprised it posted anything at all T_T
What I was saying is that, at this point I really don't know what to do, or who I can go to about these kind of things anymore, so I guess I've decided to go to the internet for condolence. I know that this isn't really much to be complain about, but it feels like I've been hit with a wave of misfortune these last few months, and I just need some place I can get it all out of my system

It all started in November with the death of my dog Angel, and I know what most of you are thinking 'It's just a dog, get over it" and maybe it's just because of all the other stuff that's happened since than that's kept me mourning, I don't really know, all I know is that I am having a really hard time getting over it. I feel so guilty all the time, and even though it's been months I still find myself having nightmares about that night. Maybe it would have been different if she had been sick, or we had to put her down, but that wasn't the case at all. Angel was an 8lb Papillon, always full of life, probably one of the happiest dogs I've ever known, and one night, I was feeling lazy so instead of taking her for a proper walk, I let her out in the yard on a zip line, and our 100lb German Shepherd attacked and killed her. I watched it happen, and didn't do anything about it, I just froze and let it happen. She died in my dads arms...

2 weeks later I was dealt another devastating blow when my seemingly perfect 2 year relationship came to a cruel end, he never gave me an explanation as to why he left, he just did, I suspect it has to do with him finding someone else he felt suited him better because during a quick search of his messages I found he had been planing to meet this other girls parents before he had even broken up with me. A about a month after the break up my all time best friend admitted to having feelings for me for the last 8 months, and I told him that I too had been feeling the same way, but neither of us wanted to jump into anything only to watch it crash and brun because neither of us had actually gotten over our ex's yet so we both agreed to wait, of course, I got too pushy, and clingy way too soon and pushed him away... Now we're no where near as close as we used to be, and it's tearing me apart, because he means so much to me as a friend. He was the one person I knew I could always count on for anything, I want that kind of friendship with him again... but as the day's go by, it's as if we're drifting further and further apart, despite my efforts to stop it.

To top it all off, 3 of my other friends have completely removed me from their lives due to the feelings I had gained for my previous best friend... one of them, whom I had been friends with for over 6 years, messaged me saying that I was "excessively vain, self obsessed, and complained way too much" so they were removing me from their life, which is extremely aggravating, because out of everything that had went on I hadn't said a single word to her about any of it. I just feel like over these last few months, everything that ever meant anything to me has been completely pulled out from under me, and I really don't know what to do. I know I didn't go into much detail, but I'd be more than willing to if anyone is interested in knowing the whole story, maybe I can even get some advice.. If not, it's still just nice to get it all out.

I think the worst part about all of this is that I know what I did wrong, I know I had been acting depressive, and extremely needy, especially towards my best friend/crush, I just wish there was a way for them to see that It wasn't me, it was this whole situation with the breakup that was causing me to act that way. I honestly wish I could go back and not be so obsessive, or needy, because that's where this entire problem lies, and the worst part is, knowing that it's not the real me, just bad timing, and not being able to change it.

[BLUE]

it will all be fine sweets. No worries. Just relax. Breath....and just be you

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

:hugs: it will all be fine sweets. No worries. Just relax. Breath....and just be you

Thanks, It means a lot to hear some encouraging words.

[BLUE]

Sounds like along with the depression, you are mixing up your days and nights. Go get some sunshine honey it has been way too nice lately to sleep through

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

I think I will, tomorrow my mom and I are going out shopping for the Easter party we're throwing this weekend. Hopefully that will help lift my spirits.

[BLUE]

Chocholate Bunnies

[BLUE]

I do hope today was a better day for you sweet pea. It is amazing what a hug can do, even if it is just online

Did you get me a chocolate bunny???

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

I do hope today was a better day for you sweet pea. It is amazing what a hug can do, even if it is just online

Did you get me a chocolate bunny???

Thanks,
Yeah, It was quite a bit better up until now, for some reason at night, right before I go to sleep, is when it hits me the hardest. /:
Ahha, unfortunately no chocolate bunnies xD Every year, the day before easter my parents throw a party and the whole family comes down, we have a egg/treasure hunt for all the little kids in our backyard (5 acres) it's nice, I'm excited because my cousin Hailey, is coming down, she knows me better than most so it'll be good to see her and be able to talk to someone about everything.

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

Why do I even bother making an effort? No sleep tonight.... >.>

[Soulkiss333]

When I had to put one of my pets down in Dec. my vet send me this poem in the mail I got it on Christmas Eve. I kept on my wall.

The Rainbow Bridge (where all your pets you ever have are)
There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge, there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass.
When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water, and warm spring weather. The old and frail animals are young again. Those who have been maimed are made whole again. They play all day with each other.But there is only one thing missing. They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth. So each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up. The nose twitches! The ears are up! The eyes are staring! And this one suddenly runs from the group! You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet.
Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.

I am sorry about your loses, I remember when your bf dumped you, that was really sad esp since it was out of the blue and it was a long relationship. It is sad and it is ok to be sad. But we all go thru it so try to find the good things about life and focus on that and remember we all learn from these awful things which if you play your cards rights will make you stronger yet humble and more compassion. Never count on others to make you whole only you have the power to make you whole/happy. Good luck to you.

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

When I had to put one of my pets down in Dec. my vet send me this poem in the mail I got it on Christmas Eve. I kept on my wall.

The Rainbow Bridge (where all your pets you ever have are)
There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge, there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass.
When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water, and warm spring weather. The old and frail animals are young again. Those who have been maimed are made whole again. They play all day with each other.But there is only one thing missing. They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth. So each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up. The nose twitches! The ears are up! The eyes are staring! And this one suddenly runs from the group! You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet.
Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.

I am sorry about your loses, I remember when your bf dumped you, that was really sad esp since it was out of the blue and it was a long relationship. It is sad and it is ok to be sad. But we all go thru it so try to find the good things about life and focus on that and remember we all learn from these awful things which if you play your cards rights will make you stronger yet humble and more compassion. Never count on others to make you whole only you have the power to make you whole/happy. Good luck to you.

Thank you, that actually helped quite a bit. I think I am going to make a post for the relationships section and see if I can get any more advice, more focused on that side of the situation. Like I said above, since the breakup with my ex, I have a new crush already, but it hasn't proven to be much better for me... If anything it's probably caused more pain. I'm doing my best to stay positive though

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

It's been a long time since I've been on here, I said on another thread that I made that I would update, but never actually did.



So much more has happened since I posted this, and my focus is on the situation with my crush more than anything else at the moment...
The pain has just kept increasing and increasing, and it's still there, but it's almost like I'm getting used to it. Before, right after everything happened, there was this strange feeling of pain I would get, and it scared me, a lot, it's like that feeling is still there, but I'm not as scared by it anymore, if that makes any sense. I can go all day, and not be bothered by the situations in my life, than night hits and I realize I'm still just as saddened by everything as I always was.

I want someone to talk to about this all so badly, but I'm so sick of explaining it to people, even writing this is annoying me, but at the same time I feel like I NEED to talk about it. I have a few people I try to talk to about this, but none of them seem to understand, and there comes a point where you just get sick of trying to force people to understand

I don't even know why I'm writing this, it's not going to make any sense. I don't even understand my own thoughts, how can I expect someone else to. I feel like everythings been flipped upside down. I have no clue about anything anymore, I feel so lost, even in my own mind. I'm getting so frustrated trying to write this because I can't even explain how I feel, or what's going on in a way that would make any sense...

[PaddyMac93]

Have you considered talking to your GP? They might refer you to someone you could talk to. I have to start going to counselling so if i can do it, im sure you could too. Hope everything gets better for you x