Is it alright for me to sneak out of my parents' house?

[Nancydective]

Is it all right for me to sneak out of my parents' house to apply for jobs/looking into services for the disabled? Since people say I shouldn't do it. But I'm sick of my parents controlling me and they don't think I can 1)ever live on my own (and yet I do most of the bloody chores expect for the cooking,and actually washing the laundry, and cleaning, even though I can do the former two). 2)my parents don't think I can have any other job other than data entry clerk/mail sorter. Well my dreams are: having my own 'pad', having a boyfriend, getting married, having kids. Well I can't exactly met any YA men/boys when the only thing I'm allowed to go to is bowling from Sept-Easter Monday (this year April 9th) and I believe I'm the youngest player there. So its mostly like adults from 29-70s. My parents will not let me go into Toronto on my own (yet I know how too).

1) sneak out and apply for jobs/looking into services for the disabled and eventually live on my own, get married,have kids or 2) never live on my own and have some boring job like mail sorter/data entry clerk. And be jealous when my Girlfriends get married knowing you will be a spinster forever?

I think choice one is better even though it means I have to be sneaky. which i know is wrong..but when my parents are pushing me to the limit and I'm sick of living here?

My disability is a developmentally disabity (or so I believe) not a physical one. I can walk and I can talk like a normal person.

[Guardian7347]

Knowing how to do something and actually being capable of handling a situation are two very different creatures. Since I know very little of your situation I really can't give you any real advice. You're parents are far more knowledgable regarding your particular situation that any of us are. I'm sure they don't intend you harm, and are only trying to look out for you. I can understand frustration, but I would encourage more open lines of communication with them as opposed to sneaking behind their backs.

[jojo]

If you are disabled, wouldn't it be easier for you to have friends go get you applications at the places you'd like to apply, explain your situation and bring to you to fill out and then take it back in for you? and then no sneaking out or extra worries are involved for you.

[Nancydective]

If you are disabled, wouldn't it be easier for you to have friends go get you applications at the places you'd like to apply, explain your situation and bring to you to fill out and then take it back in for you? and then no sneaking out or extra worries are involved for you.

I'm not physical disabled. I can walk like a normal person. My disabity is inside of me . One friend is going to school and has work so she's too busy. my three other friends are too far away to help me. Since one's in Kingston, and one in Peterbough and one's in Nippsiing.

[jojo]

OK, you never explained your disability to us in the OP. Still in my way there is no sneaking out, no worrying how to get there, get back. Why do your parents not want you to have a job, even if a part-time one? What are the worries they have for you, are they overly worried about your health? Or do you feel they lack faith in you?

[Nancydective]

OK, you never explained your disability to us in the OP. Still in my way there is no sneaking out, no worrying how to get there, get back. Why do your parents not want you to have a job, even if a part-time one? What are the worries they have for you, are they overly worried about your health? Or do you feel they lack faith in you?

My parents would like me to get a job. But the only jobs they think I'm good for are mail sorter or a data clerk entry. To me those jobs just make me want to fall asleep (I think my parents want me to have the boring jobs because of 1)routine 2)little or no interaction with other people. 3)meltdowns..can't describe them because we ((my family and I) believe I have autism besides my other problem..but I haven't yet been tested for it.)). ) So boring ( those jobs are boring because 1) little interaction with people ((and I already go crazy with little interaction already)) 2) little if any chance of promotion. 3)sitting at a desk and a desk w/ computer ((thanks but I already sit long enough at the computer anyway)) Other people who aren't my parents think I'm a people person. Well I believe I'm a people person too and I'm very interested in the Hospitably industry.

[jojo]

That helps me understand now, thanks.

They love you and are over protective of you. I think if you want a job in a different field than they want for you they should let you at least try to succeed at it, if it becomes too much then that will be that, unless you tough it through and continue regardless. It would be better if a parent drove you to get the applications, you should discuss and say you will go for it regardless, make it known, no sneaking.

You just want to better yourself and your life and be happier, they shouldn't deny you that chance.

[Nancydective]

I can walk to all other job applications (I filled one out already--which I could also walk too. I just hope I get reply to the first one..since I want it for the flexbity) I just need to fill out the three other ones. Yes I know I could do it online too. But being there in person. I can at least talk at least a person there (like the hostess). My parents believe I will have a melt down/fight with the my boss if I try something like a server/hostess job. But I need to prove them wrong. I can't apply unless I do it behind their backs. So them driving me is not an option.

the restaurants are:

1)Boston Pizza <-this one I really hope to get
2)Swiss Chalet
3)Jack Astor's
4)Montana's

and 3 (1,3,&4) are in the movie theatere's plaza near me. 2)is near/behind a motel near by where I live. So I can walk to those locations.

[cap1015]

I can walk to all other job applications (I filled one out already--which I could also walk too. I just hope I get reply to the first one..since I want it for the flexbity) I just need to fill out the three other ones. Yes I know I could do it online too. But being there in person. I can at least talk at least a person there (like the hostess). My parents believe I will have a melt down/fight with the my boss if I try something like a server/hostess job. But I need to prove them wrong. I can't apply unless I do it behind their backs. So them driving me is not an option.

the restaurants are:

1)Boston Pizza <-this one I really hope to get
2)Swiss Chalet
3)Jack Astor's
4)Montana's

and 3 (1,3,&4) are in the movie theatere's plaza near me. 2)is near/behind a motel near by where I live. So I can walk to those locations.

Not to be negative, but how old are you? Do you have any training or skills that will allow you to be successful at the jobs you've applied for? Do you have the "meltdowns" if you have too much interaction with people? How do you anticipate handling potential future meltdowns should you get a job you've applied for? What if you get a job and your parents deny you or contact the hiring company and forbid you to accept?

There are lot's of things to consider and to get any type of any real advice from anyone here or anywhere else, you have to provide the facts. Also I can see that you want to expand your horizons, and grow, but you need to trust your parents and/or at least discuss things with them.

Good Luck

[Nancydective]

Well I'm 2 years younger than what it says on my profile. (21). I haven't had a melt down in awhile (as far as I am aware). my only training (ie. college education) has been for office admin. But every since I failed a course 3 times. I don't think that is right for me. My melt downs don't have anything to do with too much interaction with people. i think its the opposite. i don't have enough interaction with people. I don't have any other job experience except for something that doesn't really count. Delivering Sears catolgues in my area. (not a "real" job).

I WOULD discuss this with them. But they are so freakin' controlling. They don't let me 1)go any place expect bowling. So how the heck am i suppose to find a guy? Since all the college guys are up at the college in the next town. They don't let me go into Toronto on my own. They don't believe I can ever live on my own or have a job that isn't mail sorter/data clerk entry. I DO NOT WANT A BORING JOB!! I'm a people-person since when I'm NOT around mom. I'm like a different person than I am when I'm around my parents.

rants I had:

"I'm falling over myself wanting to help mom with laundry, cooking and keeping the house clean but mom wouldn't let me help her at all. I'm only allowed to do stuff I find childish tasks (ie.walking the dogs, set the table, and empty the dishwasher). I mean I have plans for a family..always have (the only thing that changes is the career in the plan). On PA days take the children to museums, during this month take the children to Ross Petty productions, in the summer take them to Centre Island, and maybe to Stratford, Ontario, take them to Ottawa.I 'm sick of my mom not letting me cook, not letting me help her with laundry and not letting me do the housework!!. I want to do those jobs and not dishwasher emptying setting the table or walking the dog.. I'm sick of those jobs.

I always ask to help mom to help but she never needs to help (except settting the table..which I'm b sick of. I know how to cook..I used a stove in my two cooking classes back in high school. But mom only lets me use the stupid microwave and I'm sick of microwave cheese sandwhiches, or those microwave meals (TV dinners, microwave English muffins, quesadilleas,mircowave wraps. Its one thing if I was making Korean food..now using the microwave for that is cool..but not for any of these other things When I do try to help her with cooking she insists on trying to "guide" me (ie.puts her hand on top of my hand and be the operator) and that's just makes me more mad.

Mom lets me cut up the veggies for my so-called "supper" on Mondays..but dad's at least lets me use the stove (and doesn't try to guide me). Also there is always the problem about not knowing who will be cooking supper on what day since mom is a bit over-committed. I mean I find recipes I want to try but mom finds a better recipe..well I want to make what I want to use not another recipe. but don't have anything til noon. Then from noon until supper time (8pm..unless its one of mom's meeting nights)..lunch (which is just basically fruit and yogurt) is the only mean I have all day until supper and 8pm is way late to have supper when you haven't eaten since noon. I'm not allowed to have a snack everyday (only on Fridays) since I'm overweight..and I was even more hungry yesterday because I did Kinnect at 4pm.

On weekends I get up between 10-11am..I have a "main course" at noon. Then at 2pm I get fruit& yoghurt. Then from 2-8pm there's nothing in between.

I feel like a bird that has never left its parents nest..and the parents insisted on feeding it food..and treating the bird like its still a baby even though its a full grown bird. My parents want me to get a job..but they don't have any faith in me that i will hold down a job. But I would like to go back to school..but that's not an option."

so again my only choices are what I said in my oringal post. So I have to do it besides their back. The only other option is to be a spinster forever and I do NOT want to go that route.

[gargoylegoil]

Anything you get paid for IS a job, even delivering catalogs. You may have insulted many posters because they have the jobs you describe as being too boring for you. Maybe your mental problem is your attitude. You should listen to your parents, especially if you live with them.
Sorry to come off as harsh, but I don't care for your "I'm better than that" attitude. And you want to work in a restuarant? Do you KNOW how much energy it takes? And you can't deal with people?? Why a restuarant? Maybe you have ADHD? Because you seem all over the place.

[Nancydective]

My family lawyer said Sears catolgoue didn't count as a job . When they were looking into putting me on the disabity thingy when I got taken OFF of dad's insurance. THE ONLY PEOPLE I DO NOT GET ALONG WITH OUR MY PARENTS THEY're SO controlling. I Get alone fine with other when I NOT around my parents. I do have a ton of engery. I didn't mean to insult anyone. It just. I already sit 18 hours a day. I want to be on a feet all day instead. I don't want a job where I sit down and do sorting of mail or something (besides I hear there's litle chance of promiton and very little pay from those jobs). I don't really have much experience being social because I'm trapped in this house every single week expect for bowling and walking sis's dogs. Other than that. I'm in font of the computer for 18+ or so. I DO NOT WANT TO LISTEN TO MY PARENTS. Do you not get they're controlling because unless I'm going to bowling THEY WILL NOT LET ME GO ANYWHERE (except around the block with the dogs). OTHER people say I am a people person. SO I want to be a nobody with people intereacton. I haven't HAD that job in a year since I got laid off Feb 2011. I want to show my parents I'm capable of having a normal job (sorry if it seems like I'm implying..that mail sorter/data entry clerk isn't normal) but those two jobs hold NO appeal to me (not to mention those jobs are a)they're disappearing anyway since for number 1)mail sorter people are using email-instead and for number 2)data entry clerk because people type in their own data and because of b)those jobs are everywhere that isn't my town. If I'm not allowed to go to Toronto on my own? I doubt my parents will let me go to London, Mississauga, etc on my own either where is the locations of some of those jobs) I do have a ton of engery since I want to do stuff..but my parents wouldn't let me (like go into Toronto on my own).

My attidue comes because I disagree with my parents because of what I want. I want a job that's enjoyable. Not something that holds no appeal to me. The only people-problems I have are with my parents because they don't understand what I'm going through. I am a people person since when I am NOT around my parents. I am sick of sitting around in front of the computer all day. I been doing it for like a year know whenever I'm not walking the dogs or doing kinnect.

I want to prove I'm capable of a job like in a restataurant. Since don't teens start out in something like restaurants&grocery stores and they have no work experience.


Even my dreams told me I need to get out on my own?? I mean I DO NOT want to be a spinster.

[gargoylegoil]

If you are 21 or older...just leave....go stay with a friend or something. Then get a job, at least anything to start making some money and experience. Why don't your parents trust you to go anywhere? Have you done something to make them distrust you? And don't worry about being a Spinster, you've got LOTS of time to meet someone. Take care of yourself first.

[Nancydective]

If you are 21 or older...just leave....go stay with a friend or something. Then get a job, at least anything to start making some money and experience. Why don't your parents trust you to go anywhere? Have you done something to make them distrust you? And don't worry about being a Spinster, you've got LOTS of time to meet someone. Take care of yourself first.

My parents worry that if I go some place like Toronto. That i might be shot down by police like other mentally disabled people that were in Toronto. But yet when I went to college. They trusted me enough to go on the go train by myself. I don't have the motor skills to do my own hair (I am trying). 3 of my girflriends are too far away to help me (Kingston, ON, Peterborough, ON, and Nippinsing, ON) and one GF is in town..but she lives with her parents and little brother. So no room for another person there. I want to stay at this house because its nearby the jobs I want to apply too (and hope get an answer back)

[gargoylegoil]

What have you been diagnosed with? I mean, that you don't have complete motor skills. Maybe you are more diabled than you are describing. Seems your parents are trying to protect you, instead of fighting with them, have a sitdown and CALMLY tell them your feelings.

[Nancydective]

What have you been diagnosed with? I mean, that you don't have complete motor skills. Maybe you are more diabled than you are describing. Seems your parents are trying to protect you, instead of fighting with them, have a sitdown and CALMLY tell them your feelings.

I have tried but they REFUSE to listen. Like all adults..they think they're doing what's best for the kid. They don't see that they're bubble-wrapping me. Since that's what I feel it is. It just my mom/sister/dad has always done my hair. The only thing I know I do have is a chromsone abnormalility. I do have motor skills, but they aren't very good. I'm mean if I'm writing on paper I have to do it in print instead of handwriting since i can only write my name in handwriting.

[gargoylegoil]

With compromised motor skills, I'm not sure there will be much out there for you, but I wish you the best of luck. You can also talk to your Doctor about your feelings, sometimes that can help. Sincerely, Good Luck !

[Nancydective]

With compromised motor skills, I'm not sure there will be much out there for you, but I wish you the best of luck. You can also talk to your Doctor about your feelings, sometimes that can help. Sincerely, Good Luck !

I have two doctors. One in Toronto, and one in town I live in. I can't do the former on my own. Mom insists on always coming with me to our family doctor's (mom and I share the same one). I don't know when my next appoiment is with the family doctor. I know my next appointment with the Toronto one is in July.

[gargoylegoil]

Well, I know you spend quite some time at your computer, there are jobs on line that you could find. You can earn money while you're sitting at your computer.

[Nancydective]

Well, I know you spend quite some time at your computer, there are jobs on line that you could find. You can earn money while you're sitting at your computer.

That;s just it I DON'T want a job at the computer. I want a job on my feet. and REAL interaction with people.

[cap1015]

What have you been diagnosed with? I mean, that you don't have complete motor skills. Maybe you are more diabled than you are describing. Seems your parents are trying to protect you, instead of fighting with them, have a sitdown and CALMLY tell them your feelings.

I have tried but they REFUSE to listen. Like all adults..they think they're doing what's best for the kid. They don't see that they're bubble-wrapping me. Since that's what I feel it is. It just my mom/sister/dad has always done my hair. The only thing I know I do have is a chromsone abnormalility. I do have motor skills, but they aren't very good. I'm mean if I'm writing on paper I have to do it in print instead of handwriting since i can only write my name in handwriting.

First I don't want you to feel attacked by what I'm going to post, all of my intentions are to help,

I have read your posts more than twice each and it appears that while you are 19 years old, you are not as advanced or mature as some people in that age range. That is not a bad thing and will improve with time. In addition to an appearance of limited maturity, I feel ( and this is just an opinion I have from your posts so I could be wrong) that you do not have a clear understanding of your skill, maturity, or social dynamic level. It is one thing to "want" something, it is another to "achieve" or "obtain" that want. I think your view of your parents being overprotective (which could be true) is skewed due to an unrealistic understanding of your abilities to function unsupervised. The issues you describe with your motor skills will prevent you from being hired by many places due to their fear of increased liability regarding your safety and/or the safety of other workers and the customers. You don't mention if you take medication. You don't mention what kind of medical/mental care you participate in. I understand that you are frustrated and want to change things, but you should also understand that your parents probably love you beyond what you realize and what you see and restricting and hampering, may be in fact, real protection needs that they realize you need. I hope that you can try to focus on just trying to get better and getting along with the situation as it is now, that is the fastes way to gain the trust and show your parents that you are growing up and getting better.

God bless and Good Luck

[gargoylegoil]

Very well said Cap......

[Nancydective]

Its just when people don't get what I'm getting across is when I get immature. I am 21 years old. I can empty the dishwasher, set the table and walk the dogs all on my own. I can wash myself including my hair ( I just can't braid it). I have cooked on a stove without my parents's supervision (it was in Foods classes) and twice (once by each parent) I was left in charge of stirring (chilli/spaghetti scause) and in once case turning off the stove, and I did laundry once without supervision (granted I had a list of what to do and how to do it). So I do not have "limited" abilities. My Girlfriends when they're home all allowed to go into Toronto on their own. I can't. So I always have to wait for a PA day or summer to go to Toronto with mom (which I don;'t mind so much..its just it would be nice for once..to be able to spend a day on my own without my mom or my sister in Toronto.. I been on the commuter train twice by myself once to come home and once to go into Toronto, the second time I bought my own ticket) .

The only meds I take is to make or control hormones my body either can't produce or the body can produce but it goes wonky.I don't have any help at all since I only see my Toronto doctor in July. I don't know when my next appointment is for the family doctor mom and I share. Those are the only "medical" I have. My mom will not let me help with supper expect for setting the table. I'm sick of (Not to mention I'm seem to be stuck with all the chores: setting the table, empty dishwasher, sorting laundry). I want to be indepent of my parents. But how can I grow up if my parents insist on treating me like a child? I know how to use the stove..but my mom wouldn't let me touch the stove. She INSIST I cook in the microwave. Cooking in the microwave is cool if you're 8+ but when you over 12+ microwave isn't cool. I mean it would be one thing If I was cooking (Korean) veggies but since I'm never am=uncool. The only way I can help mom is doing stuff like sorting laundry, and taking my 25 animals off the bed. Times when mom does let me help cook she has to be a puppeteer (I hate it) she has to put her hand on top of mine and yet I'm capable of moving my hand on my own. My social skills are a bit off because of my chromosomal abormailty. But I can't get better at talking unless I'm out there.

I want to be able to 1)have a place of my own 2)have boyfriend(s) 3)get married 4)have kids. My parents don't think I can EVER live on my own. Three of my GFs, a former, EA, and some online people see that my parents are controlling (even Gus who see its). Even adults that I bowl with (the only place I'm allowed to go and that's only because its with church people. I want to meet new people) agree with that fact. So when my parents only let me go to bowling which is for people 29-70s how am I suppose to find a guy in their 20s? I believe I'm the actually youngest player there at 21. I really need my own space. I want to prove to my parents I'm capable of working in place like a restaurant. Which is why I have to go behind their backs. since the jobs they think I will be good at..well there's no appeal to me. Restaurant server/hostess there is an appeal. Since I'm interested in the hospitality sector.

Go and see all the dreams I have typed up. Oh for simpler terms look here: viewtopic.php?f=2&t=99901

[glynich]

isn't alright.....

[Xwikki]

Do itttt.
You only live once. If you are constantly under your parent's wing then you wont learn anything for yourself.