Chuck Norris Jokes

[Strider]

Just to see who here likes them I guess - i love them

Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight. Not because he's scared of the dark, but because the dark is scared of him.

When Chuck Norris wants a woman, he does not use pick up lines, he simply says 'NOW!'

[Nostalgic]

I think chuck Norris is himself a joke.

[DeepSleeper44]

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.

[Strider]

I think chuck Norris is himself a joke.

Yeah. That's probably why I like the jokes so much.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity
Twice.

[pandoralee]

Chuck Noris doesn't cook, He tells the food to cook a meal.

[jojo]

^

[Strider]

There was once a street called Chuck Norris, but after a short period of time, the name was changed to something else. Because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris does not hide a chin beneath his beard, he hides a third fist.

[pandoralee]

Chuck Noris doesn't read. He tells the book to read for him.

[Steadfast101]

You cant kill Chuck Norris, he'll do it himself!

[Steadfast101]

wow, this really died!

[mystichuntress]

There is no such thing as the theory of evolution. There is simply a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

[litlep]

ok here's one

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

[mystichuntress]

Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

[litlep]

Chuck Norris is what makes the Central Nervous System nervous

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them.

[Strider]

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

There is an order to the universe. Space , Time, Chuck Norris...Just kidding. Chuck Norris is first.

[mystichuntress]

Chuck Norris invented the colour black. As a matter of fact, he invented every colour in the visible light spectrum.
Except for pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

[Steadfast101]

Did you know that you cant kill Chuck Norris? Thats because he'll kill himself

[amstevens23]

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.

aww that's what i came here to say!

[amstevens23]

[WARNING: okay, this is pretty messed up but i'm gonna say it anyway because it's the only other Chuck Norris thing i know. DON'T JUDGE ME]

Every time you you masturbate Chuck Norris kicks a Mexican baby in the face

[The Kid In The Hat]

[WARNING: okay, this is pretty messed up but i'm gonna say it anyway because it's the only other Chuck Norris thing i know. DON'T JUDGE ME]

Every time you you masturbate Chuck Norris kicks a Mexican baby in the face

I don't get it.
Chuck Norris can beat you in Connect Four, in three moves.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has none, Chuck Norris still has more money than you.

[WARNING: This joke is really raunchy, but I like it.]
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his d***, 'cause hair doesn't grow on steel. xD

[liljoey_05]

You guys chill out, chuck norris is just an actor. If he were truly that great then for just saying this he'd come to my house and slap my head to the keyboharwbsklbfk jgsdfbkjvl sdfkfbjsbkjds b dfkn jvdfklnksv dvsfvnvd

[Justified]

[WARNING: okay, this is pretty messed up but i'm gonna say it anyway because it's the only other Chuck Norris thing i know. DON'T JUDGE ME]

Every time you you masturbate Chuck Norris kicks a Mexican baby in the face

I never heard that one before.

[Strider]

^ everyone gets something outta that XD you get off, and chuck norris gets to kick a mexican baby

Chuck Norris, {Insert fave actor here: Matt Smith, in my case} and Tom Cruise are standing atop a thirty building. Tom unzips his pants and lets his penis fall; it falls to the twenty-eighth floor. He smiles and turns to Matt and says, "well?". Matt steps to the edge and lets his loose; he falls to the sixth floor and smiles triumphantly before both turn to see Chuck Norris bouncing around. "What's your problem?" They ask in unison and Chuck Norris answers, "I'm trying to dodge traffic."

[orionfoxgibson]

I miss Chuck Norris Jokes.
Id put in a Quote from "the Alphabet of Manliness" but Im too lazy to digg that book up.
That reminds me.

[tropicalheatwave]

[tropicalheatwave]

Chuck Norris is so scary that if you were to point a gun at him, the gun will automatically turn around and shoot you. (just felt like making up a corny joke)

[MissionOO7]

You know why the world didn't end in Dec. 21, 2012... Because Chuck Norris was too stoned to make it happen

[jrock2222]

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

[Steadfast101]

go to google.com and type where is chuck norris and click the first link

[agamotto]

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin, that he built with his bare hands!

Chuck Norris's tears once brought a dead puppy back to life.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he just stares at the grass and DARES it to grow.