Ive decided what to do...but i need advice,i need help...

[daniipachii]

to know what im saying,please read this post i put a while back viewtopic.php?f=2&t=81191

ok.i wrote a letter to my health teacher.he has a mailbox where students put in their problems and he helps them i told him about mine,and he was shocked this had went on for so many years.he told me hell get the councelor to talk to me so i can live with my friend.he hasnt done it yet.i dont blame him for not being able to do it,or if hes forgotten,because hes helping kids with more serious issues.
ive decided to take my friend up on her offer of staying with her.her mother said its fine with her,just as long as i get permission from my mom so her mom doesnt get sued for kidnapping.but,how will i get her to say yes?ive kept my emotions dormant for so long,since our last fight about something different,(she was fussing at me because i wouldnt touch the iron to check if it was cool.idk why i didnt.i knew it wasnt hot,but i just couldnt.the iron scares me.)idk how to get her to agree.my birthday is feb 7th,and i want to ask her on my birthday,but it would seem inapproprate.idk how to ask her,and i dont want her to harrass me with shouting and tears constantly screaming "am i not a good mother!??! i do my best to provide for you and you wanna live somewhere else!?!" IM SCARED. i feel like this is just teenager drama,i feel like im just being overdramatic,but every time she talks to him,i curl up into a ball on my bed in the dark,trying to think of better things.im tired of the guilt,the pain,the disreguarding of my feelings towards that man.but somehow,i feel like im being immature,that my feelings are just adolecent drama.that things are too normal now,so why bother asking.but i cant take it anymore.i cant keep gaining weight,slipping into depression,and missing my cycle because im afraid.but i need something to happen,so i can ask her to live with my friend.but what can i do?what can i say?when can i say it? i need advice...please.

[The Atomic Mango]

you should probably contact the authorities before you "live" at your friend's house, just in case your mom tries to pull some legal bullshit.

not sure why you want to move to a friend's house. is it just because your mother is yelling at you? (read the link too, but may have missed something.)

[daniipachii]

you should probably contact the authorities before you "live" at your friend's house, just in case your mom tries to pull some legal bullshit.

not sure why you want to move to a friend's house. is it just because your mother is yelling at you? (read the link too, but may have missed something.)

i want to move because im tired of her.im tired of her betrayl,taking my sister to see that man,talking about me to him,and me to him.she still loves him and it hurts me she can laugh and say she loves him while im in the room,knowing what he did to me.she seems to be in a fantasy world,like shes in denial about why i hate him,and her, so much.i know i should try to move on.but i cant move on,if hes still in my life.i cant move on on my own.i feel abandoned.i want to be with my friend because her family treats me like family and they said i could stay.i want to stay in a new enviornment, one that doesnt revolve around HIM.

[The Atomic Mango]

eh... well, if you think you've had enough, give it a go.

[daniipachii]

eh... well, if you think you've had enough, give it a go.

i will,i just have the issue of 'when' i should do it.or 'how' should i do it.we havent spoken about it,because we rarely talk to each other.i just go to sleep as soon as i get home.i wanna ask her,but just blurting it randomly one day might have a bad effect.

[Chelsea Lynn]

Hands down, go to your school counselor. They can help with everything.

[daniipachii]

Hands down, go to your school counselor. They can help with everything.

thats not a bad idea...but i dont want my mom to know ive told anyone.shes made me keep it,and her relationship secret.shesd flip out at me the moment she finds out the councelor knows....

[Nostalgic]

Let me get this straight? Your mum is still living with the man who raped you? Or you feel uncomfortable with the new man?
The criminal, Is he in prison? Will be or has come out?
Get the hell out of there.....
This is not a silly teenage drama as you mentioned it's a serious crime. You have every right to overreact and be upset.

Can your friends mum help you organize more professional help, do they offer this free where your from?

[Nostalgic]

I read again.
I don't know how much you streched the truth but rape is rape.
Your mum is sick, I'm sorry but she's really sick to continue to see the man who did this to you.
I understand it must be hard but you have every right to be angry and upset with her also.

I'm not in your situation directly but I suggest professional councilor and moving out.

[cap1015]

Let me see if I can summarize this:

Your mom's boyfriend either abused you/raped you or beat you (it's hard to tell from your post, even the original post)when you were in the 6ht grade.
To ensure that this person was punished as much as possible you were coerced into exxagerating what he had done, correct?
Now your mom continues to badger you to recant to reduce his sentence, correct?
You are sticken as your mom wants to continue to have relations with this man via phone and visits?
Your mom also takes your sister on these visits and you have the feeling that they blame you and plat against you?
You want to live somewhere else and you are about to be 16?

First, depending on the initial crime, I don't have a problem with the exageration,especially if this man is evil, however if this is something is grossly unfair you should consider how you were used by the courst system and weigh you options of how and/or if you want to try and correct

Second if the crime was sexual/physical abuse, then forget what I just wrote. And please seek help via school or child protective services as your mother is and has been guilty of endangering a child, neglect and mental abuse. I'm betting that to avoid issues herself that she made an agreement with the authorities to have no contact with this man and to guarantee that you and your sister were to never be allowed to talk/visit, be around this man.

The best thing to do ( not the easiest) is to contact authorities and turn in your mom, if not just for you, but for your sister and ultimately for your mom, if not, there will no hope for her in later life.

I hope and pray you get the help and assistance you need.

God Bless you and your sister.

[Nostalgic]

Yes exactly. What cap said

[MonSTAR]

OMG I would first punch your mom then move.

Let me continue by stating that I'm a mother, and If ANYONE ever hurt MY child, they'd be DEAD. And she still talks to him? She's selfish and sick in the mind, to me. I'd leave in an instant. But not before punching her. Did I mention that?

[Nostalgic]

OMG I would first punch your mom then move.

Let me continue by stating that I'm a mother, and If ANYONE ever hurt MY child, they'd be DEAD. And she still talks to him? She's selfish and sick in the mind, to me. I'd leave in an instant. But not before punching her. Did I mention that?

Yep exactly. What monster says also

[Enigmatic Beast]

Your mother is a selfish, inconsiderable psycho. Keep clear minded, and do what you think is best. ^^

What has been done, has been done. Your scars were created without your consent, but you must acknowledge that either way you look at it, it will always be a part of you. You cannot pretend that what is indestructible has been destroyed. Stay strong-minded, remember that your present will soon be your past, and your future is affected by your present. And, that your past is what shapes your present.

[daniipachii]

Let me see if I can summarize this:

Your mom's boyfriend either abused you/raped you or beat you (it's hard to tell from your post, even the original post)when you were in the 6ht grade.
To ensure that this person was punished as much as possible you were coerced into exxagerating what he had done, correct?
Now your mom continues to badger you to recant to reduce his sentence, correct?
You are sticken as your mom wants to continue to have relations with this man via phone and visits?
Your mom also takes your sister on these visits and you have the feeling that they blame you and plat against you?
You want to live somewhere else and you are about to be 16?

First, depending on the initial crime, I don't have a problem with the exageration,especially if this man is evil, however if this is something is grossly unfair you should consider how you were used by the courst system and weigh you options of how and/or if you want to try and correct

Second if the crime was sexual/physical abuse, then forget what I just wrote. And please seek help via school or child protective services as your mother is and has been guilty of endangering a child, neglect and mental abuse. I'm betting that to avoid issues herself that she made an agreement with the authorities to have no contact with this man and to guarantee that you and your sister were to never be allowed to talk/visit, be around this man.

The best thing to do ( not the easiest) is to contact authorities and turn in your mom, if not just for you, but for your sister and ultimately for your mom, if not, there will no hope for her in later life.

I hope and pray you get.....

sorry i wasnt clear about what had happened ^^' its was sexual.the only thing that was exaggerated was the um....uh,as they put it, 'the extent of penitration',which makes sense because exaggerating that wont matter much since he was going to prison anyway.(sorry,i know i seem too causual about it,im kinda use to living with it now...)

[MonSTAR]

I have no problem with you exaggerating it. he still did it and he would have done it again. Fucker.

[daniipachii]

I have no problem with you exaggerating it. he still did it and he would have done it again. Fucker.

my mom told me he didnt mean it,and that it only happened because he was drunk ,and i should forgive him because he would never do it if he was in the right mind.that still confuses me of wether im being fair or not....

[VenusInChains]

Being drunk is no excuse for what happened and your mother is no better for sticking up for this man. I'm really sorry to hear that you went through this and I really hope you find a way to get away from this man and your mother. Don't give in to what your mother says, what he did was wrong, end of story. What will happen next time this man is drunk? Maybe it wont happen to you, but this guy deserves to be put in jail or get his nuts smashed with a hammer.

[Tryptamine Serpentine]

Scans reveal alcohol doesn't make you behave badly, it just stops you caring about the embarrassment

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2033079/Acohol-doesnt-make-behave-badly-just-stops-caring-embarrassment-say-scientists.html
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If you don't feel safe in your home contact the proper authorities until you do.

[daniipachii]

Being drunk is no excuse for what happened and your mother is no better for sticking up for this man. I'm really sorry to hear that you went through this and I really hope you find a way to get away from this man and your mother. Don't give in to what your mother says, what he did was wrong, end of story. What will happen next time this man is drunk? Maybe it wont happen to you, but this guy deserves to be put in jail or get his nuts smashed with a hammer.

oh,hes already in jail,so thats a start.honestly,if she loves him so much,why doesnt she just go to jail with him...

[cap1015]

You did nothing wrong and need to understand that while it is hard to understand you MUST take care of your self............and you MUST realize that your mother is damaged goods, resulting in her needing his love/approval over and above anything else, including her role as being an adult and a parent. Without serious help, she will always be a danger to you, your sister and will always gravitate to men that will be harmful........please get help and get away, you can still love you mother, and the best way to do it is from afar.......Good luck

[Nostalgic]

Keep us updated on the moving out.

[daniipachii]

Keep us updated on the moving out.

i will. i went to the councelor today.(she didnt seem to be very sympathetic,but i figured it was because shes a professional,and shes dealt with worse)but she told me i should ask my mom about staying with a friend for a weekend,just to get out of the house for a few days.she seemed to be trying to keep me from leaving the house.i cant ask to just go over for a weekend and tell her i just wanna get out of the house.i cant because that seems just like a sleepover and not solving the key issue.plus,im not allowed to go over sleepovers because of my grades.i told her i want to tell my mom exactly why i wanna go over a friends for a few weeks.she told me if mom says no,i can always go to daybreak.(a free place teens can stay for 14 days untill things in their home are settled.but parents need to know,even if they dont agree)but i dont wanna stay in a strange place.i wanna stay with my friend.im going to ask my mom can i stay with my friend tonight.im scared,i dont know what to say,or what shell say.