I'm scared of getting hurt

[Jon!]

I'm fed up of falling for folk and having it all ripped apart

They hold false hope and then laugh in my face when I start to relax and hold faith

[Jeff_in_Time]

Ya haven't found a good one for you yet, is all, Jon!
Everyone encounters duds.
Hold back a little in the next relationship, see how it goes.

[Jon!]

Problem being I'm falling hard for another guy and I don't want to

[Jeff_in_Time]

Same type of guy as the last one, ya told us about?
Do you go for a particular type and that is why they are all the heartbreakers kind?
If you are feeling it, and stop, you'll kick yourself.
Let them give more this time, not you. If ya spare some of you, less hurt later on.

[Jon!]

You speak wise words, jeffman.

But that's easier to say than do

This ones not really the same as the last one, I don't think. We have more in common. I'm not sure, not met him yet, but planning on it end of the month

Just, hate feeling like shit because of it

[JessicaBunny]

do you like you as a person? how you go about your life, treat people?. . . if you close off, you might change the good you already give & if the right one shows up, the you that would have attracted them to stay might be what sends them away fast. like some butterfly effect, you know? hurt can come without even expecting it, potentially always there, so try anyhow.

[Jon!]

do you like you as a person? how you go about your life, treat people?. . . if you close off, you might change the good you already give & if the right one shows up, the you that would have attracted them to stay might be what sends them away fast. like some butterfly effect, you know? hurt can come without even expecting it, potentially always there, so try anyhow.

I do like me as a person how can one not? I'm awesome! And yes, treat how you wish to be treated is the best motto in life everyone should wear on their sleeve! Never the case though :-/ I only close off with folk i don't have no interest in. Then again, i tend to close off without realising it, i think i push folk away sometimes without meaning to

[misha666]

jon dont be to hard on yourself . i think u fall in love to fast and are to nice and guys see that so they take advantage of you.
I think u should stay single for a while and just chill. let hem come to you and find you.

[Jon!]

jon dont be to hard on yourself . i think u fall in love to fast and are to nice and guys see that so they take advantage of you.
I think u should stay single for a while and just chill. let hem come to you and find you.

nah, i've been single for far too long! i think 5yrs on your own is enough :-/

[Jon!]

Why do i get so fucking insecure???? Just what am i doing wrong? Am i trying too hard? Not enough? What?

[DocScott]

Why do i get so fucking insecure???? Just what am i doing wrong? Am i trying too hard? Not enough? What?

Jon you must merely take a step back. Do not try. Love is a puzzle. You cant force the pieces into place they simply must fit. Don't look for love let it find you. By being yourself you will find someone who likes you for being you. If you look for love then you mind will delude you to perceive something as love when it is not. I am sure you are a great person but you need to find that great person for you.

[Jon!]

Why do i get so fucking insecure???? Just what am i doing wrong? Am i trying too hard? Not enough? What?

Jon you must merely take a step back. Do not try. Love is a puzzle. You cant force the pieces into place they simply must fit. Don't look for love let it find you. By being yourself you will find someone who likes you for being you. If you look for love then you mind will delude you to perceive something as love when it is not. I am sure you are a great person but you need to find that great person for you.

not denying i am great person. But i'm also saying i'm not perfect either, no one is. Just dont get why it's so difficult to find someone who wants me for me, likes me for me in the same way i like them. Sometimes, i get fed up of trying cos all it does is hurt :-/ so whats the point, yeah?

[DocScott]

You need not try. Trying will just make things harder.

[Jon!]

You need not try. Trying will just make things harder.

yeah but if you don't try you miss out. You do try and you still lose.

[Nostalgic]

Why do i get so fucking insecure???? Just what am i doing wrong? Am i trying too hard? Not enough? What?

Your searching to hard. Your a great person and will meet "the one" but until then enjoy life
(or make soulkiss grow that penis )

[Jon!]

Why do i get so fucking insecure???? Just what am i doing wrong? Am i trying too hard? Not enough? What?

Your searching to hard. Your a great person and will meet "the one" but until then enjoy life
(or make soulkiss grow that penis )

it dont stop though and i hate it! It's like feeling sick with the anticipation of the hurt. Glad its over though, it's the feeling i got with that other guy, just a want so bad it hurt! Maybe next time i start feeling like that with someone it's time to separate? Cos when i start feeling like that it never works out :-/ maybe thats what we call gut instinct?

[dreamweaver123]

Please don't take this personally, but I think you ought to give yourself time before forming an intimate attachment. If you get to know someone as a friend first, you are less likely to get your feelings hurt because whether or not it works out, you've made a FRIEND. Rome wasn't built in a day, so try not to rush it. The best things are worth waiting for. I'm just telling you this because when I was your age, I was wild and then people would use me for sex or think I was a doormat. Try to put up healthy boundaries and establish a healthy relationship before you get too involved. It is easy when you're with someone physically to get attached, but they may not be the best person for you in the long run. I'm not trying to be bossy here, because of course it's none of my business, but with all the STDs and other things out there, wouldn't it be better to find someone that loves and respects you so you aren't putting your health in danger? I probably should shut up and I'm eternally grateful to you for letting me post on your website. Go with your gut instincts...if you think you might get hurt then tread carefully. You seem like a sweet, handsome, wonderful kid, so by all means love yourself and you are bound eventually to find the one. You are so young and have all the time to find Mr. Right. Good luck and best wishes.

[Jeff_in_Time]

Read about your prospects over there in rant, Jon.
Go for it!!!!
It's okay to be scared, you are human.

[Jon!]

Please don't take this personally, but I think you ought to give yourself time before forming an intimate attachment. If you get to know someone as a friend first, you are less likely to get your feelings hurt because whether or not it works out, you've made a FRIEND. Rome wasn't built in a day, so try not to rush it. The best things are worth waiting for. I'm just telling you this because when I was your age, I was wild and then people would use me for sex or think I was a doormat. Try to put up healthy boundaries and establish a healthy relationship before you get too involved. It is easy when you're with someone physically to get attached, but they may not be the best person for you in the long run. I'm not trying to be bossy here, because of course it's none of my business, but with all the STDs and other things out there, wouldn't it be better to find someone that loves and respects you so you aren't putting your health in danger? I probably should shut up and I'm eternally grateful to you for letting me post on your website. Go with your gut instincts...if you think you might get hurt then tread carefully. You seem like a sweet, handsome, wonderful kid, so by all means love yourself and you are bound eventually to find the one. You are so young and have all the time to find Mr. Right. Good luck and best wishes.

when you were my age? Why, how old do you think i am? The friend first route never works cos there's this line... this line that once over it can never be crossed! And dude, i'm a clean boy and thanks for the kid compliment Oh and i'm not really looking for mr right, i'm just looking for company really atm. But a chat with someone today made me realise i need to get over past experiences and move on. Even though i'm over the hurt i had in the past, i've built barriers and tearing them down all in one go is not the right way to go because they just keep getting placed up again. They need to come down brick by brick

Read about your prospects over there in rant, Jon.
Go for it!!!!
It's okay to be scared, you are human.

Thanks jeff! I guess i just gotta learn to get up and go again

[dreamweaver123]

Kiddo, I'm almost forty, so everyone's a youngster in my eyes except the elderly. Hehe It is so hard if you put a barbed wire fence around your heart, to tear it down and surrender to love and take the chance of getting hurt. It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all. Decades ago, I went through a period of disillusionment where I was paranoid (thinking only the paranoid survived) and suspicious, but you get past that eventually and find that you cannot live a fear-based lifestyle. There is nothing to fear but fear itself...the fear just blocks you from being open and loving and neutral like Switzerland. If you guard yourself too much, you miss all the opportunities to be vulnerable and feel the all-encompassing real effects of love. Like I said, I'm sorry if I offended you, and I have the feeling you will get past the panic to finding true love.
If we love ourselves, we can find a love in others...but it's all blocked, if we have preconceived notions that love is painful. Real, mature love is based on respect and trust and doesn't hurt or make us question if we should live or not. What I mean is that if you aren't in a place where you can trust yourself, then you create the self-fulfilling prophecy of failed relationships. You are a great guy, as far as I can see, and worthy of love and RESPECT. These past experiences have left you in a place where you're scared and that's not a great way to start a relationship waiting for someone to hurt you or deny you love.
Every relationship is different and if you can just see that fear and panic isn't worthwhile and get past the anxiety, you will come out of all of this a happier, stronger person. I went through a lot of this years ago, where I was reading books about overcoming fear...here's the clincher that did it for me, that helped me overcome fear. If you could make yourself have a panic attack and experience the symptoms is a panic attack all that bad? Feel the sweaty palms and shaky hands and the heart palpitations and realize the worst case scenario isn't worth worrying about in the first place. I just KNOW you will get beyond the fear, but see that all this anxiety isn't worth it in the long run. What will be will be and what won't wasn't meant to be. Fate has brought you to this place where you're ready to conquer fear and live a love-based lifestyle. Please I am not trying to preach, but I know what you're going through...I was there, years ago, and I hope you can get past all this confusion and panic and just be contented again.
Again, what's the worst that can happen?? You may fail...every relationship is a learning experience. If you don't really take the chances and open yourself to opportunities, then you're in a dark place where you need to be saved. Only YOU can save yourself from gloom and doom by thinking happy thoughts and getting past your past. Your past is over and today is the first day of the rest of your life. You've helped so many putting up this cool website, let some people here help you back. You deserve that much and when you're helping others, you're helping yourself to the milk of human kindness. Most people are good and there can be a few bad apples in the bunch, but why cry over spilled milk? What is done is done and you cannot turn back time. Love everyone and everything on this Earth and choose happiness. Wake up in the morning and say that the people of the past that haunt you are gone and today is a bright, new day, a wonderful, precious time. Life is too short to hold onto the past. I personally think you are on your way to rediscovering the joy that the wounded inner child hid inside to avoid pain. Heal the hurt and let yourself love again.

[Nostalgic]

You got some good advice in this thread Jon.
Enjoy life

[dreamweaver123]

Like I said, please forgive me for what I have to say...these are just my opinions and you can listen to what I have to say with a grain of salt, JON. I lost my late brother to a brain tumor and his name was John...my father's name is John too. I have come to a conclusion that some people have serious problems with the name John. If you read that play, the Importance of Being Ernest; the character changes his name from John to Ernest to win the heart of his lady love because she has issues with the name, John. Maybe I'm out in left field, but I'm sensing you've been judged harshly for your name or surface qualities of who you are and not by your heart, which is good. I think that people will make fun of names and bug on people because they think it's cute and it just plain isn't.
I am not the kind of person that will bully someone for being gay or based on a name, because that is superficial hogwash in the big scheme of things. I think you got hurt as a kid maybe with some unfair teasing and you are carrying guilt and shame on your back and none of that was your fault...you were but an innocent kid. Reconciling the past is taking an honest inventory of what went on and discarding the feelings that you were to blame. You can heal that inner child and blossom like a beautiful flower and get past all that trash from the past. It is hard to hold onto any semblance of sanity when people are judging you by surface traits, like your attractiveness or other things beyond your control.
Try to move past these old hurts and see that none of this was your problem and you did the best you could to survive in an environment that was sometimes stifling. It is not easy to get past the pain or suffering from the past and see the light and just be open again. I definitely went through a time where I feared rejection or a breakup in a relationship, but you go through the Hell and come out of it a stronger person each time a relationship doesn't work out.
You are actually pretty healthy to admit you're scared. Some guys walk around all macho and stoic and closed-off and will not admit they're shaking in their shoes. Try to let your friends on this site help you heal the pain and restore your faith in the kindness of humanity. So much pain a person endures is diminished by their friends holding them and supporting them and being a shoulder to cry on and that's what friends are for.
What is the worst case scenario, that this guy dumps you? You will get up again and come on the site and tell all your friends and they will be there for you to help you get through it. It is not the end of the world to break up with someone...it can really hurt, but it is just what it is, an ending to something beautiful or ugly (depending upon the circumstances). I hope I haven't hit a nerve or put you in the hot seat, but you were so kind to invite me here from sleeps.com, I feel like I ought to give my . I hope I haven't hurt you and belittled you in any way.

[Jon!]

Like I said, please forgive me for what I have to say...these are just my opinions and you can listen to what I have to say with a grain of salt, JON. I lost my late brother to a brain tumor and his name was John...my father's name is John too. I have come to a conclusion that some people have serious problems with the name John. If you read that play, the Importance of Being Ernest; the character changes his name from John to Ernest to win the heart of his lady love because she has issues with the name, John. Maybe I'm out in left field, but I'm sensing you've been judged harshly for your name or surface qualities of who you are and not by your heart, which is good. I think that people will make fun of names and bug on people because they think it's cute and it just plain isn't.
I am not the kind of person that will bully someone for being gay or based on a name, because that is superficial hogwash in the big scheme of things. I think you got hurt as a kid maybe with some unfair teasing and you are carrying guilt and shame on your back and none of that was your fault...you were but an innocent kid. Reconciling the past is taking an honest inventory of what went on and discarding the feelings that you were to blame. You can heal that inner child and blossom like a beautiful flower and get past all that trash from the past. It is hard to hold onto any semblance of sanity when people are judging you by surface traits, like your attractiveness or other things beyond your control.
Try to move past these old hurts and see that none of this was your problem and you did the best you could to survive in an environment that was sometimes stifling. It is not easy to get past the pain or suffering from the past and see the light and just be open again. I definitely went through a time where I feared rejection or a breakup in a relationship, but you go through the Hell and come out of it a stronger person each time a relationship doesn't work out.
You are actually pretty healthy to admit you're scared. Some guys walk around all macho and stoic and closed-off and will not admit they're shaking in their shoes. Try to let your friends on this site help you heal the pain and restore your faith in the kindness of humanity. So much pain a person endures is diminished by their friends holding them and supporting them and being a shoulder to cry on and that's what friends are for.
What is the worst case scenario, that this guy dumps you? You will get up again and come on the site and tell all your friends and they will be there for you to help you get through it. It is not the end of the world to break up with someone...it can really hurt, but it is just what it is, an ending to something beautiful or ugly (depending upon the circumstances). I hope I haven't hit a nerve or put you in the hot seat, but you were so kind to invite me here from sleeps.com, I feel like I ought to give my . I hope I haven't hurt you and belittled you in any way.

Right, you lost me. Just completely >_>

My names jon cos it's short for jonathan... if you're maybe thinking i removed the 'h' for cute factor?? O.o confused. You cant offend me, even if you were trying to, i'm not an offendable person And you saying i invited you personaly? I don't even know that site, so not sure if you have me confused with someone else >_> And yes, it seems you're older then me by almost 15yrs lol

But, thats some good advice there Onwards and forwards!

[sayuri]

Well what can i say? Love is like the worlds hardest gamble, you never know when the chips are up, you never know when theyre down, and you never know when to fold and walk away. I myself am like you, you give too much and then you get taken advantage of, because you fall too soon. I think maybe you should enjoy life for the time being and not try so hard to find"the one" they may come into your life when you don't expect them to. Fate has a funny way of doing things like that.
~Sayu Chan~