i know this isnt a dream but.....

[daniipachii]

i know this site is for dream discussion,but,i figure that since there are more intelligent adults on here than any place else ive been,i might as well try.


im 15,and this site has helped me interpret dreams ive been having,about an incident that happened 3 years ago with me staying home with my mom's boyfriend(i dbout i need to tell you what happened,you get the picture.)ever since then,going to court,and things like that, ive been ok,and ive never thought about it.but ive also because quite hardened,less trusting to anyone,if any,because my family in itsself is a very selfish one,so i dont trust anyone really, and ive ignored the possibility of ever having any 'family reunions' or 'a family member driving you to the hospital if you have a heart attack' those things would never happen.my cousins aunts/uncles steal,cheat,fight,and beat each other,so i detach myself from them, including my mom.she isnt as dispicable as them,but selfish?yes.after the incident happened, she was constantly nagging me about exactly what happened,no matter how many times i said i dont want to talk about it.

it just so happens that the lawyers who helped me stretched the truth a bit to make sure he stayed in prison untill i was fully grown.not LIE,just exaggerate.i know it wasnt really the best move on their part, but hes extremely dangerous,so im sure if SOMEONE had the power to do that they'd jump on it and stretch the truth.my mom finally pryed(?) the details out of me, and she noticed the exaggeration and asked if i wanted to correct it.i said no.she was upset,but never spoke of it.now every year,on the anniversary of that day she askes me do i want to change it and i say no.she gets upset.to be honest,i never liked that man in the house,and i knew that was going to happen.its not that he showed any sign of doing so before,its just a sense.she sees him every month in jail,talks to him about me openly,even when im right there.she thinks if she just asks like the situation is normal,i will too. ITS NOT HOW DARE YOU THINK ILL ACT NORMAL,AND WANT YOU TALKING TO HIM ABOUT ME,IN FRONT OF ME? she wants me to tell the truth to shave 10 years off his sentence.no way.never.then she tries to say "you should forgive him,jesus would want you to,if you dont,youre sinning" for give my language but HOW DARE YOU TRY THAT SHIT ON ME.YOU NEVER MENTION JESUS OR ANYTHING BUT YOU TRY THAT CRAP ON ME JUST TO GET WHAT YOU WANT.then she tries to off-handedly talk about good times we had with him,trying to get me to have some sort of liking to him,to change my mind.ive heard people tell my mom that the way shes acting,ill end up hating her.i never believed them,but now,i do.i dont particularly love anyone,and i might never,except maybe a pet.my family isnt worth it,and my mom just wants to get HIM back.i want someone to tell me what to do.an adult that isnt my mom,or a therapist whos job is to listen,but they dont care,really.i want someone,who just cares about giving me advice.

[I.G.E.]

You have a right to not forgive him and I think your mom needs to think about that. But I wouldn't let that mess up your life and make you cold and cranky before your middle aged. It would be good to put it in the past and enjoy the fact you don't have to deal anymore.

[daniipachii]

You have a right to not forgive him and I think your mom needs to think about that. But I wouldn't let that mess up your life and make you cold and cranky before your middle aged. It would be good to put it in the past and enjoy the fact you don't have to deal anymore.

i wish it were that easy.but she always does that off-handed conversation thing every week or so. like today,my dad had taken us to the park yesterday,but brought us home a lil late.he has no car, and we took a bus,so you cant really blame him.today we were folding clothes,and she mentioned that HE (im just going to refere to her boyfriend as HE or HIM in bold) told her HE had taken us out late before.my mom said,"has HE ever taken you out late for icecream?HE said HE did."i ignored her,but he had before,my little sister just said yes rather half-heartedly.shes 9,and although she doesnt know about anything happened,she knows i hate talking about HIM.but somehow,my mom kept egging the conversation on.like,(why did you guys always go out for icecream and never get what i wanted?,or,you and HIS kids always go out and have fun) noone even mentioned his ass,so idk why she brought him up.one time last year(and this memory always stuck with me)my mom was fussing at me about me lying about my homework.she said"you lie so much about your homework,how do i know you arent lying about HIM?"i said nothing,but i was so ready to do something id regret.the day it happened i was crying and histerical and i told her what happened and she accused me of having a boy over.denial or not,the fact that she didnt believe me at the very beggining,and im her DAUGHTER,and ive never made up anything serious like that in my life,hurts me.actually,thats when i started hating her.

[I.G.E.]

I can't say muchnot knowing her personally but she sounds like she really wants the story to change even if it takes a turn for the worst which trust me it will if you don't do what your gut tells you. Im sure it seems bad now but if you do what your mom is asking you to odds are no one will get what they want in the long run. Some times in life all you can do is say look I'm here and my best chances will come if I put on a smile and pretend it doesn't hurt. I know this doesn't always work and is always never satisfying to the anger you feel but its for the better.

[daniipachii]

I can't say muchnot knowing her personally but she sounds like she really wants the story to change even if it takes a turn for the worst which trust me it will if you don't do what your gut tells you. Im sure it seems bad now but if you do what your mom is asking you to odds are no one will get what they want in the long run. Some times in life all you can do is say look I'm here and my best chances will come if I put on a smile and pretend it doesn't hurt. I know this doesn't always work and is always never satisfying to the anger you feel but its for the better.

i guess so....you dont think what im doing is wrong....not telling the that the laywers stretched the truth do you?because at times,i feel like its wrong,but,i dont pitty him,not at all.i just feel like,im being a bad person for it.

[I.G.E.]

Well I'm not reall an expert on legal stuff I probably know like five things about judicial stiff in general but in the whole moral part of this I personally see nothing bad about it no matter how many people will go against me on that. As far as the legal part goes if it gets out the truth has been stretched I'm four percent sure everything gets a new perspective and it jus gets harder. Its not right for you to feel bad about this when you didn't do anything like what was done

[daniipachii]

Well I'm not reall an expert on legal stuff I probably know like five things about judicial stiff in general but in the whole moral part of this I personally see nothing bad about it no matter how many people will go against me on that. As far as the legal part goes if it gets out the truth has been stretched I'm four percent sure everything gets a new perspective and it jus gets harder. Its not right for you to feel bad about this when you didn't do anything like what was done

youre right.plus,that chater of my life effected me worse than i couldve ever imagined,at school,and at home.i repeated a grade my life was so disturbed.bringing this stuff up after ive been doing so well,is uneeded.

[I.G.E.]

Good it's important to remember you'll never have to relive it again so enjoy the present and keep your head facing tommorrow

[daniipachii]

Good it's important to remember you'll never have to relive it again so enjoy the present and keep your head facing tommorrow

thank you,i appreciate you talking to me

[I.G.E.]

My pleasure Its good to find someone who doesn't think I'm talking out of line.

[MysticMind14]

As a 16-year-old with no experiences such as this, it may not be my place to give you advice. It's not something I can comprehend. But if there's one thing my life can teach, it's that you are much stronger than you think you are. Cliche as it may sound, it's true. As hard as it may be to believe in yourself at times, you just have to try. You are a human, perhaps the most powerful thing in the world. Having courage will do wonders, believe me. And as far as trusting someone goes, I can't tell you who to trust and who not to trust. But the truth is, getting out of this mess isn't something you can do alone. There must be at least one person out there who you can rely on to have your back. Just some things I hope help you out. I hope everything works out! Be strong:)

By the way, you came to the right place to look for advice! We have thoughts here that can help just about anything! You want someone to trust; you have us:) Come back anytime if you need to talk to someone!

[I.G.E.]

He is right there's nothing you can do when everyone else is pulling the other end of the rope, so you need people on your side, and it sounds like even the people who should side with you are on the other side. Sometimes listening to ppl hour age (and younger in my case) makes you feel like adult opinions aren't the only ones that impact us

[underhiswing]

Danii, you have been through a horrible thing, and it is so important for me to tell you that your mother is very ill. She is one of those women who would do anything for a man. These women are always in the news, usually having murdered their children to please the boyfriend. She is not putting you first, she is putting her desire for him first. This is evidence of her very real mental illness. A normal mother would be thinking of you and would never see this horrible man ever again. So you see she is not normal. She needs help, and you need to live elsewhere. Do you have a kindly grandparent that you can go live with?

[I.G.E.]

Amen

[daniipachii]

Danii, you have been through a horrible thing, and it is so important for me to tell you that your mother is very ill. She is one of those women who would do anything for a man. These women are always in the news, usually having murdered their children to please the boyfriend. She is not putting you first, she is putting her desire for him first. This is evidence of her very real mental illness. A normal mother would be thinking of you and would never see this horrible man ever again. So you see she is not normal. She needs help, and you need to live elsewhere. Do you have a kindly grandparent that you can go live with?

no...as i said,my family would sooner let me have a heart attack than waste money taking me to the hospital.my friend would probably.her family is very kind,and they said they like having me over.theyve taken in runaway kids before,so thats always an option.but,sometimes i think...that would be too extreme.

[I.G.E.]

And the extent your family goes to isn't " extreme"

[daniipachii]

And the extent your family goes to isn't " extreme"

good point.but i dunno...im scared.things have been like this so long,it seems normal to me, so thats why leaving seems extreme.im not saying youre wrong,youre absolutely right.its just...im scared.

[I.G.E.]

Well I guess it's time for the dreaded self analysis. Live what you think is the normal thing to so that won't rock the boat or you could take the giant step that will capsize your boat but maybe put you on a much better shore.

[daniipachii]

Well I guess it's time for the dreaded self analysis. Live what you think is the normal thing to so that won't rock the boat or you could take the giant step that will capsize your boat but maybe put you on a much better shore.

....i know what to do...but...ill have to think about this.... >.<

[I.G.E.]

Go ahead. Don't worry about how long it takes. That time will pass anyway, might as well put it to use

[daniipachii]

Go ahead. Don't worry about how long it takes. That time will pass anyway, might as well put it to use

*sigh*yeah...its alot to think about.

[I.G.E.]

It's a lot but it will amount to a lot.

[daniipachii]

It's a lot but it will amount to a lot.

if only i had a logical adult like you to talk to here at home -_-

[I.G.E.]

You can find it where u least expect it. Like here. P.s. No need to burst your bubble but I'm no were near an adult

[daniipachii]

You can find it where u least expect it. Like here. P.s. No need to burst your bubble but I'm no were near an adult

really? o.o couldv'e fooled me.how old are you?

[I.G.E.]

Ha you'll laugh.

[daniipachii]

Ha you'll laugh.

lol no i wont,i promise

[I.G.E.]

Okay I graduated sixth grade three days ago

[daniipachii]

Okay I graduated sixth grade three days ago

....are you serious? omg im geting wisdom from someone younger than me...thats kinda cool, and kinda embarassing on my part lol.

[I.G.E.]

I thought you would think that but hey.... Age is but a number.

[daniipachii]

I thought you would think that but hey.... Age is but a number.

true,very true.but you seem to be more helpful than any adult ive met.this ordeal happened to me in 6th grade though,so i dont remember much of my 6th grade year...i missed the graduation because i had to go to court. :/

[I.G.E.]

Dang. I can't imagine that.

[daniipachii]

Dang. I can't imagine that.

yeah,well,i have to say testifying was the worst day of my life

[I.G.E.]

Well if you start now you have your whole life to not worry. So.....yeah.

[I.G.E.]

Just hope it's the worst day you'll have to experience.

[underhiswing]

I am a mother of three grown adult children and I have 11 grandchildren. You need help and real love. You have been hurt, and you need to be around people who care enough about you, and to see that you have the best in life ... that you have the proper counseling. You need to overcome the emotional abuse you are now enduring. You are used to living with a dysfunctional parent/family. It is NOT normal, and your mother is NOT normal. Please try to think of a place you can go live that is safe, as you are not emotionally safe in your own home. You are enduring emotional abuse. You should be believed and honored as a true victim of a person who does not know better in his own life. He was probably abused as a child too. Do not run away to the streets, as this is even more dangerous for you. Please think of a better place. Talk to a local pastor as he knows what to do in situations similar to yours, or consider talking to children services division of your state (only if you don't have any other place to stay, and if you live in the USA).

You did not ask for this abuse and it is not your fault that it happened to you. You are not ill or broken, your mother is ill and broken. Pray for her and her boyfriend when you pray for yourself......pray that God saves and helps them. Pray for yourself too.... that God gives you a new place to stay and to be in a place that you can be free to be your beautiful self.... the person God intended for you to be.

If you need my help, you can private message me.