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the best blond jokes!

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the best blond jokes!

Postby puppyjill » Tue Apr 21, 2009 2:50 pm

:D these are the best blond jokes ever! an im not partial either, im strawberry blond too so. enjoy the funny.
a year in the life of a blond.
jan-took my new scarf back to the store because it was to tight.
feb- i got fired from my pharmacy job for failing to print labels........HELLLLLLOOOOO!!!!..............THE BOTTLES WONT FIT IN THE PRINTER!!!
MARCH-GOT REALLY EXCITED!.......finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....AN THE BOX SAID '2-4 YEARS!'
APRIL-i was trapped on the escalator for 6 hours......the store power went out.
MAY- i tried to make kool-aid.....with bad instructions...they lied 8 cups of waterb will NOT fit into thoes little packets!!!
JUNE-tried to water ski.....but couldnt find a lake with a SLOPE.
JULY-lost breast stroke swimming competition.......learned later, the other swimmers cheated, THEY USED THEIR ARMS!!!!!
AUGUST- got locked out of my car in a rain storm........an my car got swamped because the top was down.
SEPTEMBER-the capital of california is 'c'........right?
OCT-hate m&ms.........theyr are so hard tto peel.
NOV-baked turkey for 41/2 days..instructions said 1 hour per pound.....an i weigh 108!!
DEC-couldnt call 911. 'duh'....theres no 11 button on the stupid phone!!
Resistance is futile, the world as we know is forever gone.
Fear not for a hero will arise.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby MandaPantz13 » Tue Apr 21, 2009 9:00 pm

lol i like!!

How do you drown a blond??
Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
So while you're outside looking, describing what you see. Remember what you're staring at is me.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby Lillith » Tue Apr 21, 2009 11:54 pm

There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette. They all decided to go to the bar and they got fake ids cause they were underage.

So they go in and the bartender knows they are underage so he call the cops. The readhead informs the girls that the bartender has called the cops and they have to leave.

So they go out the back door and they see this barn. They go inside and the redhead notices 3 potato sacks on the floor.

See tells the girls to each hide in a potato sack. Then the police arrive in the bar, and the bartender takes them out back to look around.

They go into the barn and look everywhere. One cop says "They might be in those potato sacks". So he kicks the first one containing the redhead and hears "woof woof". "That's a dog" he thinks to himself.

He kicks the second bag containing the brunette and hears "Meow, meow" "Well that must be a cat" he thinks.

Finally, he kicks the last bag containing the blonde and hears in a slow voice "po...ta...to...es!

:blowingkisses:
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby shweet leef » Wed Apr 22, 2009 7:49 am

why do blonds waer hoop earings??? so they have place too put there feet.
In my world you either find food,or you Become food.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby shweet leef » Wed Apr 22, 2009 7:50 am

How does a blonde turn the light opn after sex?? opens the car door.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby Lillith » Wed Apr 22, 2009 7:50 am

Didn't take you long to get that one in did it??????

HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby MandaPantz13 » Wed Apr 22, 2009 7:19 pm

How do u erase a blond's memory??
Blow in her ear.


Three blond's walked into a bar-you think one of them would have seen it!!
So while you're outside looking, describing what you see. Remember what you're staring at is me.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby puppyjill » Wed Apr 22, 2009 7:33 pm

:D what do you call 4 blonds in a freezer?
frosted flakes.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby Lillith » Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:56 pm

Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.

They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"

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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby shweet leef » Thu Apr 23, 2009 5:34 pm

So a store employee notices a blonde wandering around the home department at the local dapartment store and catches up with her and asks,Can i help you?
Yes she says,i am looking for curtains for my computer.
Puzzled,the employee asks with a grin,why do you need curtains for your pc???
Too wich the blonde replys, because it has windows silly! :o
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby Lillith » Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:36 am

Tell me why im posting on here?????????? :shock:

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats". :lol:

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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby CelestialApparition » Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:12 pm

How do you know a blonde used the computer?


The joystick is all wet >;D.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby Lillith » Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:18 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."

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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby puppyjill » Tue Apr 28, 2009 10:31 am

:o how do you know a blonde was using the computer?
theres white out on the screen.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby puppyjill » Tue Apr 28, 2009 10:33 am

:hurl: how do you know a blonde is having a bad day?
her tampon is behind her ear an her pencil is missing.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby Lillith » Wed Apr 29, 2009 5:57 am

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

What a year!!

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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby puppyjill » Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:37 am

lil that was my first post sweety check up top. lol love ya babe. its still funny to hear twice though.
how do you know a fat blondes stayed over night at your house?
her pillow is in the fridge and shes sleeping on a bag of marshmellows.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby Lillith » Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:18 am

:oops:

I have to admit I never read the first posts................I just jumped in and posted!!!

It's ok though hun, it just reminds people of what they are here for!!! LOL :lol:

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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby puppyjill » Wed Apr 29, 2009 11:18 am

:lol: :rofl: your right sweety glad were friends.
hey what do you call a blonde body builder?
the state puff marshmellow man.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby Jon! » Thu Apr 30, 2009 2:05 pm

How do you keep a blond entertained for hours???

Scroll down ----->





































<---------- Scroll up
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby adam5486 » Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:19 pm

So this blonde finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her. So she goes to a gun shop and buys a pistol. Then she goes to her boyfriends apartment and finds him with the other woman. In a mad and frantic rage she points the gun at her head crying.
The boyfriend says, "NO! BABY DON'T DO IT!"
Then she yells, "SHUT UP! YOU'RE NEXT!"
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby puppyjill » Thu Apr 30, 2009 7:42 pm

:D :ecstatic: :rofl:
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Wed May 06, 2009 8:12 am

Winter Blonde

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in West Virginia and I'm driving the
SALT TRUCK!"
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby SILLYLILTWILIGHTFAN » Wed May 13, 2009 8:43 am

Blonde Stranded on an island

Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, were stranded on an island. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated the distance to be about twenty miles. So, she announced that she was going to try and swim back. After swimming five miles or so, the brunette began to get tired. However, determined to keep at it, she kept going. Unfortunately, ten miles out, she became exhausted and drowned. The redhead, who was stronger than the brunette had been, decided to give it a try. After getting out about ten miles or so, she too began to get tired. Just like the brunette, she was determined to keep going; only five miles from the mainland, she too became exhausted and drowned.Now, the blonde had always been the strongest of the three. And so, after seeing how far the redhead had gotten, she knew that she had a good chance of making it. The blonde swam away from the island, and was making good time. She passed ten miles easily; however, when she reached fifteen, she began to get tired, too. But she kept going. Finally, after reaching nineteen miles, with the mainland only a mile away and in sight, the blonde realized that she was simply too tired to go on. So she swam back.
:rofl: :ecstatic: :excited:
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby Lillith » Wed May 13, 2009 11:43 am

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:04 am

Magic Mirror

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:06 am

Ice Fishing

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.

Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.

Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"

Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.

"There are no fish under the ice!!"

Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"

The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:09 am

Suicide

A blonde hurried into the hospital emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?," the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
the tip of your finger?"

"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First, I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought, 'I just paid $6,000 for these; I'm not shooting myself in the
chest."

"So then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000 to get
my teeth straightened; I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So, then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought 'This is going to make a loud
noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:10 am

Taming the Lion

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?"

"No problem," replies the young man, "just get that lion out of the way."
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:12 am

This one is a little dirty but here it is

Planning a War
President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?" "Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:17 am

Cure for Dandruff
A blonde and brunette are walking along and the brunette turns to the blonde and said 'my husband had really bad dandruff, so I gave him head and shoulders.' then the blonde says 'how do you give shoulders?

:rofl:
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:18 am

Blonde On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it........
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."
"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...
No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.
The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.
There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."
Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush"
Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."
Barbara: "You think?"
Maggie: "I'm sure."
Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)
Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"
Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Barbara: "It is."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."
Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:22 am

Helping an Overweight Blonde
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:23 am

One Blonde To Another
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to
kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park,
grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this
note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I
need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the
big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde".
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him
to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park
to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just
as she had instructed.
Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I
cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:24 am

Hello UFO
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country
road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in
big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with
shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the
tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally
uttered.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've
been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO'
means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:25 am

Blonde Praying for Help from God
There was a blonde woman named, Cindy, that was in deep financial problems.
So she got on her knees and prayed "Dear
God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or
I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else." She doesn't
win. The next day she prays to God "God! I really really need
your help! I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else."
Once again, she doesn't win. The next day she says the same
prayer; then God speaks to her " Cindy! work with me here, BUY
A TICKET!!"
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:28 am

Game Of Intelligence
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Mon May 18, 2009 8:30 am

Locked Out of Car
Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby angelbaby21 » Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:56 am

So Dumb
There was a blonde who was so dumb that she
a) locked herself in a restroom and wet her pants
b) got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
c) tripped over a cordless phone
d) tried to put m & m's in alphabetical order
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby heartsdreamer » Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:42 am

:rofl:
Awwwww! Those blond moments--so precious! :rofl: :rofl:

I don't care what they say about blondies. I still love them to death :heartpump: :heartpump: :rofl:
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby heartsdreamer » Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:44 am

angelbaby21 wrote:Locked Out of Car
Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".


:rofl: Another precious blond moments in spacetime :rofl:
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby heartsdreamer » Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:47 am

angelbaby21 wrote:Blonde Praying for Help from God
There was a blonde woman named, Cindy, that was in deep financial problems.
So she got on her knees and prayed "Dear
God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or
I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else." She doesn't
win. The next day she prays to God "God! I really really need
your help! I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else."
Once again, she doesn't win. The next day she says the same
prayer; then God speaks to her " Cindy! work with me here, BUY
A TICKET!!"


:rofl: Cindy--buy a gaddamn ticket! :rofl:

I love these jokes :loony:
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby heartsdreamer » Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:49 am

angelbaby21 wrote:Cure for Dandruff
A blonde and brunette are walking along and the brunette turns to the blonde and said 'my husband had really bad dandruff, so I gave him head and shoulders.' then the blonde says 'how do you give shoulders?

:rofl:


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:clap: :unworthy: :cheers:
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby xxParisJacksonFanxx » Thu Oct 22, 2009 3:14 pm

Here's one:
There was a blonde speeding down the high way. A blonde cop pulled her over, and said, "can I see your licence?" and the blonde speeder reached into her purse and pulled out her compact mirror and handed it to the blonde officer, he opened the mirror and said "I didnt know you were a police officer!"

here's another:
Once there was a blonde who walked into a convinence store, she was taking her time walking down every isle, an employee saw her and asked "Hello, can I help you?" then the blonde said "How much for the tv in the corner?" "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes", replied the employee. Discustedly, the blonde went home, dyed her hair brown, then went back to the store, she went up to the employee and asked "How much for the tv in the corner?", once again the employee said "I'm sorry we don't sell to blondes", upsetly, the blonde went home, dyed her hair red then went back to the store, again she asked "How much for the tv in the corner?" the employee again said "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes", annoyed by the reply, the blonde was furious and went home, dyed her hair green with pink polk-a-dots, once again went back to the store and asked the same employee again, "how much for the tv in the corner?", annoyed the employee said "WE DON'T SELL TO BLONDES", then the blonde asked "how did you know I was a blonde all this time?", then the employee said "Because that's not a tv, it's a microwave".
PARIS JACKSON is my IDOL!!

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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby heartsdreamer » Thu Oct 22, 2009 10:04 pm

Blondes with brains--I love them :rofl:
Last edited by heartsdreamer on Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby Bubbydoll » Fri Oct 23, 2009 11:31 am

Ha ha ha! I love blonde jokes. All these are great. :lol:
"There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams
Yet slips away from us"
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby heartsdreamer » Fri Oct 23, 2009 11:45 am

heehe me too.

My wife is a blondie! I love her to death. But she's got brains!
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby Bubbydoll » Fri Oct 23, 2009 12:11 pm

I am a blonde as well and I love them...

Here's one for your thread:

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
"There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams
Yet slips away from us"
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby Nostalgic » Sat Oct 24, 2009 7:20 am

CelestialApparition wrote:How do you know a blonde used the computer?


The joystick is all wet >;D.


mouse is also in a cage, There is also twink (white out) on the screen and 20 cents in the disk drive
:D

LMAO @ putting M&Ms in alphabetical order :rofl:

How do you know a blond made a step ladder?

There is a stop sign at the top.
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Re: the best blond jokes!

Postby heartsdreamer » Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:35 pm

Bubbydoll wrote:I am a blonde as well and I love them...

Here's one for your thread:

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


:rofl:

And you're a blonde too? :excited:
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