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Worrisome dream A bit gross

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Worrisome dream A bit gross

Postby Katz_Heitmann » Tue Oct 21, 2008 11:27 pm

Before I give my account there are a few facts I have to clear up so that everyone understands what is going on here. One my brother was killed by a drunk driver when I was 11. The drunk blew a .12 after the cops picked him up and the drunk got away clean in a court of law. My maternal grandma who is now dead and she died on my dead brother's birthdate 20 years after he was killed. This took place a few years before my maternal grandma's death yet I remember and I think it's significant now to my life. Because I've been basically trapped in a situation I didn't want from the beginning. There are few strong words and some a bit of violence that is sort of gross. Not horror flick gross. Just wanted to warn anyone who may be sensative to things like descriptions of dead bodies or high emotions.



I was lying on the sofa trying to fall asleep and then I heard this screaming in my head of a kid. I clicked the TV on and used it to distract the kid while I called someone to help me out because I didn't know what I was doing with a child and wouldn't know how to care for one after I determined the child couldn't tell me who normally took care of her aand pushing the matter only caused her to cry and I wasn't exactly good with small children and I cannot handle anyone under the age of 8 for any length of time without getting help. Usually by the time a child is 8 they can clean themselves up if they have an accident in their pants, get their pants undone, work the toilet, usually know what they want to wear and can put it on and can figure out how to put food into their mouthes if you put it in front of them unless it's complicated like opening a crab and they haven't opened one before. Most of them can make a PBJ. Also can figure out a toaster. Yet children much younger than that usually can't. This child seemed alot younger than I was used to so I called someone said that the child isn't mine I have no idea what she is doing here and I have no clue what to do with her. I tried asking her name only she didn't have one either or didn't know it and then this lady comes in and I take her into the hallway and tell the lady what is going on. The lady says a child has to have a name so I come up with something figuring that if the kid doesn't like it then she can get it changed. I decide upon the name of the city I was in at the time and call her Savannah and ask if that is an acceptable name and the kid and the lady leave and I see her smiling hoping they'll take care of her.

Right then things get weird next I'm standing on a doc in front of my brother he tells me to forgive them for what happened after he died. I completely refuse and we get into a bitter argument and then I lose my temper and throw a punch at him and the next thing I know I'm cuffed hands behind my back and lying on my stomach. Then he jerks me up and tosses me into a dark cell.

Then there is a sense I have a decision.

First I see myself picking both locks and escaping. Then wild parties, things getting totally out of control all the time and then finally ending up dead in an alley body being knawed by rats. No one even cares they are all let's get drunk again tonight and isn't that Katz and no worries probably blacked out. Thought the side walk is bloody next to my dead body.

Then another flash a battle field lots of chaos and then an empty casket gets buried with a uniform with all kinds of awards and there are thousands of people mourning and they hand the flag to someone.

I decide not to escape in this dream just wait until someone deals with me. My brother came back and then told me to either forgive them or go to hell dear sister. Coldly, walks out and leaves me there like that. He didn't have to explain anything to me or come down there at all.

I wonder if it applies to my current situation? My current situation feels like I've been brigged for three years. All because of my grandma I've grown to hate and my parents who put me in this in the first place. They invited her here and so I'm the one who has to leave to be rid of her torment and her controlling ways. For a while I was either throwing up everything I ate or had no appitite. Whatever comes after this better be worth all this suffering I've endured at her hands for three years. No one cares what I'm going through it's worse than being dead. So right now I down care what happens anymore have stopped calling out to God he's either dead or has put in ear plugs so I decided I don't care anymore either. Was completely wasted for the better part of two years like I was blacking out waking up on the floor couldn't figure out how I ended up there. Hoping she would die before any serious damage was done. Yet that didn't happen. It got me through two years of her and she's starting to deteriorate mentally so she's less annoying.
Katz_Heitmann
 

Re: Worrisome dream A bit gross

Postby hahbug9 » Thu Oct 23, 2008 8:08 pm

i...i can relate i think god created me becuse he was bourd and has a sick mind.
hahbug9
 

Re: Worrisome dream A bit gross

Postby Katz_Heitmann » Sun Oct 26, 2008 12:01 am

Tell me about your stuff here or in PM if it is embarressing to admit since I do noy compromise securirity since a gossip ruined my life and I'd like to kill the person who did that. Or just remove their tongues with a dull knife. My grdm lost me regardless because I do not love her. .
Katz_Heitmann
 


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