My Rundown house, tornado, & my childhood abuser next door

[WhiteDaisy]

Hello, I am new to this site. I write in hopes to get assistance in interpreting last night's nightmare. As a child, I had reoccurring dreams of tornadoes, title waves, and the end of the world. I understand that because I am going through a difficult time with my marriage at this very moment that perhaps this is why I have dreamed what I dreamed. But pray for further insight.

I am a female in her 30s and I have a twin brother. Him and I are walking to what I tell him is going to be our new home. We are looking around and I noticed the house is falling apart. It has pieces of the wall cracking and one of the concrete walls is red, my favorite color, but it is dirty and uneven. The red wall has an diagonal line going across it. But it is not a drawn line, it is carved in. There is not a lot of furniture, but the furniture that is there is located in odd places in the common living areas, and it too is dirty, old, dusty, and broken. The house is uneven, almost as if its foundation is not properly set, or not very solid, so as if is shifting. As I am looking around I see dog feces outside a black door from what I presume was a closet. I was feeling overwhelmed and gross, I tell my twin brother, "is there any way we could live here? can we fix this?" In my mind, even though I see my twin brother, I feel as if I am talking to my husband. As I go further into the house, where I presumed would be the bedrooms, I looked behind a small wall and I see that the back of the house is missing!! It looked as if that part of the house a chunk of it was ripped off!! I was stunned and very confused and I tell my twin brother (but in my thoughts is my husband), "we can't live here"....

As I said these words, I noticed a storm is coming and winds pick up... a familiar feeling from previous dreams. As we stood in the back of the house, half outside, I screamed to my brother (this time it was my brother, eye and mind)... "hold on Chris a tornado is coming!!!" I saw the dark funnel start to form and picks up both my feet and my brother's, and as it moves away I tell him, "We have to go to safety". But there is no place to hide in that horrible, broken down house so I go next door.... and my brother disappears.

(I was sexually abused by my grandfather for over 10 years, he was mentally ill but never diagnosed. He served in WWII and as I got older he would often confuse me with an Italian prostitute he used to visit. My grandmother stayed married to him until she died and never believed me when I confessed the truth to her. I am telling you this so you could understand my fear)

I open the next door's storm door and the house looks familiar, I then realized I was in my grandparent's home. The home is dimmed, I can see the floors are clean and shinning. Everything has a slight glow of cleanliness. I looked to my left I see my grandmother sitting on a rocking bamboo love seat waiving a cleaning rag. The rag was stained gray as if she has been cleaning with it, but I can see that some of it is still clean, white clean. Then I see a woman come out of the bedrooms and she is adjusting her clothes and fixing her dress... and she says, "you are next, he wants you". I quietly say, "no... not me"... and she looks at me and smiles. Then another woman comes out of the room, doing the same thing, and she looks at me as if she knew that I knew what she was going to say. I slowly and timidly, shake my head in the 'no' motion. My grandmother at that very moment starts to laugh, I feel broken... and he comes out, the same way I remembered him. Dark gray slacks, with a dress belt, but no shirt, sweaty, and his belly sticking out... he looked as if he had colored his facial hair dark black to hide his gray. He looks at me and says, "there you are, I have been waiting for you..." he proceeded to lick his lips with insinuation... and my heart pounds with fear and embarrassment. I heard my grandmother giggling and I feel shocked that she is letting these two women come into her home, and that she hears him say these things to me and giggles. But I have no words, I can't speak, I feel ashamed because a part of me wants to follow him.

At that very moment the atmosphere breaks and I feel as if I am scrambling to find my daughter. I am still in my grandparent's home, but the common areas unlike before, are bright with light, still with a glow of cleanliness. The home is full of people trying to find refuge from the horrible storm. I keep looking through the people for my daughter confident that I will find her, not afraid that she is in any harm, I just want to ensure she is safe and I want to let her know to stay where I put her. I see her playing in the floor. At that moment, I sit down on a couch next to her and take a breath wondering what is going to happen next and what was I going to do. I felt alone in a room full of people. I felt afraid of the tornadoes and storms outside. A man sits next to me, he looks like Bruce Willis. And I seemed to know him as lover from my past, so in a surprised joy we kissed intensely and I physically feel aroused (mind you my husband is no where in this house and I don't seem to feel any attachment to him). I pull away and say, "I am so glad you are here and that you are safe" I then see my daughter has fallen asleep, so I lay her on the couch and leave her with my friend... I got up and I saw an old lady and her husband were standing looking at the window. The lady looked at me and says, "I want to look outside". I told her, "it is very dangerous, it is best if you stay inside", she kept moving, as if she did not hear me, and she headed to another door leading outside and opened it. This is when I realized that the house is surrounded with water. It was as if we were in the middle of an ocean, with dark gray tornadoes all around, and the wind was blowing fierce. I yelled: "No!!" and she fell backwards into the ocean. The ocean had swallowed her right as she turned around to come inside... she fell right in... in a panic, I yelled... "does anyone have a rope!!?? can someone grab the water hose, we can throw her the water hose so we can pull her to safety. But no one was moving!!! And I looked at her husband and angrily asked him, "don't you want to save your wife!!??" "Don't you wan t to help me save her!!??" and he does and says nothing. I calmed down, and look at another man sitting comfortably smoking a cigarette, he looked like Snoop Dog. He tells me, "I have been waiting for you.. remember the last time we hung out together?" I smile and say, "we got drunk and flirted a lot".... he blows smoke in the air.... and I feel ashamed again, because I just kissed a guy not too long ago, and now I am flirting with this one.... and with this feeling I awake.

I know this is really intense. And as I typed it, it felt good to get all of this off of my chest. I also see a lot of my past and present problems in this dream. I just need your help to put it all together, if that is possible.

Kindly,
WhiteDaisy

[lml]

i am sorry to hear of your childhood abuse with your grandfather
just as bad is your grandmother's denial of the situation
i hope you have gotten or are in therapy to deal with some of your guilt and shame about that situation and about your sexuality, because the dream is filled with it
the broken down unfinished house is you - it is your mind and your life

we can't live here

suggests you were not able to live a normal happy life with your grandparents
a house is divided in dreams like this - bottom floor - unconscious mind - middle floor - conscious mind - attic -intellect
your twin brother is walking with you - hopefully he was a support system in your life and someone you could trust
that he is interchangeable with your husband suggests that he was a good person and hopefully your husband is too
in other words these are males in your life who have proven to be positive male role models, a stark contrast to your grandfather
that your grandparents' house is clean suggests they were concerned with appearances - covering up to make it look as though everything was normal and perfect when it certainly was not
the water can be a lot of things - usually it is our unconscious mind
in this case drowning in it suggests you are overwhelmed by your past and that it is still controlling you today
the storms and tornadoes are your molestation and the incest caused by your grandfather - and the emotional turmoil it has caused you all your life
bruce willis as a celebrity usually has strong, heroic roles - he protects people and he is the good guy - naturally you would feel comfortable and safe dreaming of such a person
snoop dog is the sexual attraction you feel towards men - and possibly some of the uncomfortable arousal your gf used to cause you - these are issues that are repulsing you
definitely you need to be in therapy if you aren't already
if you are and that therapist isn't helping you then get a new one
does your husband know about your background? if not, it seems to me that the dream is suggesting you put your trust in him and tell him - perhaps he can help you in some manner