I know I'm dreaming...but I decide to stay

[LucidIam101]

I've always been able to lucid dream. I've never had to practice to do it, I've always been able to. Ever since I was thirteen I was clearly able to tell when I was dreaming and when I was not. And controlling a dream for me is like second nature. One thing I've never mastered though, is running, the one thing I try to do most often.

Even though I can lucid dream like the best of them, I chose not to. Most of my dreams revolve around me being chased. I'm always on a deserted street or a large empty unfamiliar house. Usually I'm being chased by one of three people: Lucifer, a serial killer, or the police. Considering I have a pretty severe anxiety disorder, I most commenly have dreams that revolve around fear and anxiety.

Even though I know I'm lucid dreaming and I know I can get out of it if I wish, I don't let myself. I control which direction I run, and what street I take. I control what weapons I have and wether or not I decide to attack whoever is chasing me. In the end I usually get killed by my chaser or end up killing myself in the process of trying to escape. (i.e. I once jumped off the balcony of an opera house to evade the police that were chasing me.) And STILL I don't allow myself to wake up! I allow myself to have this weird out of body dream experience. I look upon my dead body, and THEN I wake up. Either that or I am reserected and continue the dream as if I had never died.

What does this say about me? What does it mean when I can remove myself from a terrifying dream but let myself be killed? Does it tell me something about my mental disorder that I've been repressing, or is this more common in lucid dreamers than I think? Your answer is very much appreciated!!

[PinkMellow]

I've also been able to lucid dream since I was very young, one day I just knew, and didn't know that it was a special thing, I thought everyone knew. It makes me curious why some people are "natural" lucid dreamers and some have to teach themselves....anyways I believe the fact that you choose not to wake up stems from a subconscious desire to overcome your anxiety and fight. In your waking life you probably have little choice in combatting your anxiety, but in your dreams you are able to fight back. I have a similar situation in that before I go to sleep at night I suffer from acute paranoia (feeling that other things are in the room with me, I'm in danger, basically fearing for my life and unable to sleep) and in my dreams Even when the things I fear most appear, I usually channel my fear into anger at them for making my nights unbearable, and I stay and fight them. It helps me feel in control and more confident, and helps lessen my fear. I believe your situation may be similar in that you wish to combat your problem, rather then continue to run away. That's my opinion anyways.