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Developing A Deeper Connection

Need dating advice? Wanna talk about sex? Just broke up with your boyfriend? Complain about your ex? Jealousy ruining your relationship? Is he/she cheating? This is the forum to discuss and share your real life experiences.

Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby Darknesswithin » Mon May 14, 2018 6:02 pm

I find this challenging for me. Its one thing to be honest with myself but to express that with someone I want to relate with and others. Allowing myself to be open and vulnerable. Knocking down walls I built to protect me from hurt and betrayal. So much I wish to convey but don't know how.
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby Clementine » Tue May 15, 2018 10:54 am

Taking chances sometimes leads to heartache but also leads to you growing as a person, with each new experience you learn more about yourself & others. Be fearless.
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby Nostalgic » Tue May 15, 2018 4:05 pm

Without knowing the details.... Knock the walls down at your own pace, the person will wait if they love you, but don’t hold it in for years
Baby steps but make sure they do come down
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby Darknesswithin » Tue May 15, 2018 9:34 pm

Excellent posts Clementine and Nostalgic.
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby Xwikki » Thu May 17, 2018 2:27 pm

Work on maintaining your distance from those that don't meet your standards. Once you feel you should be opening up to someone and more importantly, want to, slowly start allowing them in to understand you. This doesn't have to be a declaration of feelings, but expressing that you struggle with connecting with others. It's not that you don't feel anything, but expressing it is difficult. Once the right person understands what you struggle with, you'll both be able to build on it. Saying that you don't know how to do something and want help is extremely hard to do, but important so you can build the kind of relationship you want.
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby Darknesswithin » Thu May 17, 2018 4:07 pm

Thanks, I agree. Though I think I'm a little too distant at times.
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby dreamyskies » Fri May 18, 2018 8:13 am

Have you been lied to a lot, cheated on before? That would make it hard for you to get closer to another person to form a relationship and cause certain trust issues definitely. Just have to take the chance and know not everyone is like the other person who hurt you was, some people are good and loving.
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby Darknesswithin » Fri May 18, 2018 9:16 pm

dreamyskies wrote:Have you been lied to a lot, cheated on before?


Betrayed not quite cheated on. Can't say I've been lied to a lot. Though I am curious of what people's tolerance level is on lies and deception in a relationship.

Would you end it over a small lie? What if the person lied about what they did for a living? Like in the movie True Lies. Or if they lied about past relationships?
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby cannydreams » Sat May 19, 2018 12:39 pm

I agree with all the comments you've received thus far. The more you try, the easier it becomes to break out of your own self-made chains.

Lies, in any form, are bad even the ones we tell ourselves will spare a person's feelings, I think you can tell someone something that may hurt them but do it in a kind and a compassionate way where they don't feel hurt or belittled by what is being said.
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby Darknesswithin » Sat May 19, 2018 9:38 pm

In certain circumstances I can understand lying or withholding information that may effect the relationship (which I believe is a form of deception). Especially at the early stages of a relationship where trust has yet to be fully developed. If a woman (or even a male) has been traumatize by events in the past such as rape or being in an abuse relationship, I can understand why he or she may withhold or deny that. I can also see where lying may be helpful to boost a person's self-esteem or confidence if they are in a severely depressive or suicidal state.

The example I've mentioned about the movie True Lies is an example where I can understand why a person would lie. Working as a spy for the government and never telling his wife. Me understanding why a person would lie doesn't automatically imply that I agree with it as well.
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby Nostalgic » Sun May 20, 2018 4:09 am

I think there’s a huge difference between lying and with holding information till the person is ready to open up.
Also some relationships, trust can form quickly and in others it grows.
It also depends on where you are in the relationship,
At 3 months you may be ready to share everything about yourself but for others that may be 6 months to a year.

I can also understand the lie in true lies but would be hurt if my hubby never shared information like that at the point we are in our relationship. Hes definitely not a spy though :lol:
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby Darknesswithin » Sun May 20, 2018 10:50 pm

It depends on the lie and what information was being held. If a woman is seeking a relationship with me and didn't mentioned being married then.....it would be hard to trust that person again.

Nostalgic wrote:I can also understand the lie in true lies but would be hurt if my hubby never shared information like that at the point we are in our relationship. Hes definitely not a spy though


The wife in that movie thought that too. :P
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby Nostalgic » Mon May 21, 2018 11:34 am

Yeah but he’s not got odd work hours, he would lose his head if it wasn’t attached to his body, he’s never away on work trips, I very much doubt he’s a spy lol
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby aussie_musician » Tue Jul 03, 2018 5:47 pm

may i suggest two ideas for you ...

read the book Captivating .. by John and Stasi Eldredge ..

and ..

join a social group of some sort .. be it a book club .. a sewing class or something ..
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby JACKIJAKE6 » Sat Aug 25, 2018 9:57 pm

Well, sometimes, you just gotta take a risk.....
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby aussie_musician » Tue Aug 28, 2018 5:24 pm

and get out of the cemetery ..
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby tropicalheatwave » Fri Aug 31, 2018 10:14 pm

Cemeteries are great for first dates. What better setting?
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Re: Developing A Deeper Connection

Postby aussie_musician » Sun Sep 02, 2018 5:03 pm

well .. yeah .. maybe ..
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