Dictionary:   A    B    C    D    E    F    G    H    I    J    K      M     N    O    P    Q    R    S    T    U     V    W    X    Y    Z

 

home   .   dream info   .   common dreams  dream dictionary  dream bank   site map   discussion forum  contact us

He's Leaving Me.

Need dating advice? Wanna talk about sex? Just broke up with your boyfriend? Complain about your ex? Jealousy ruining your relationship? Is he/she cheating? This is the forum to discuss and share your real life experiences.

He's Leaving Me.

Postby kitkat1077 » Sat Jan 06, 2018 6:19 pm

It's the worst. I try, and try to make him love me, but nothing comes of it. I'm writing this as a kind of goodbye letter to him- one that he'll never read.
When we first met I knew that I'd obsess over him and that he'd cause me emotional turmoil. I knew this the moment he walked into the room. I couldn't, and still can't explain why. Sometimes I look back on the memories and wonder if there's anything that I could have done differently, like maybe tell him how I really felt initially, instead of dragging it out? I often find myself looking at something silly, like a young man next to his wife and I think to myself: "Someday, that will be him, and I won't be the girl next to him", and it kind of kills me inside.
I never did feel good enough for him. Despite being conventionally attractive, and a model, he somehow always made me feel like shit- not because of what he said but what he didn't say. His silence was always his deadliest weapon.
After I found out that he was leaving for college, I began to swerve in and out of the stages of grief- sometimes I'd find peace with it, sometimes I'd be angry, but mostly it was a fog of intrusive and depressing thoughts that bugged me every day of every week and still continue to.
Finally, I'd had enough and had to tell him what I was feeling the whole time. I can't tell you the bittersweet relief I felt upon learning that he reciprocated my love for him; bittersweet because his confession was followed by an explanation as to why he was distancing himself from everyone to salvage their (and his own) feelings. Everyone- including me.
I'm still trying to force myself to believe that there's someone out there who's better for me, but it feels like I'm lying to myself- I just wish someone could tell me the truth- if there really is someone who can make me feel the way he did; then I'd let him go. But I feel like anyone who's actually worth anything is taken by a girl who's 10X prettier, smarter, and richer than me, and that's a hard pill to swallow because part of me knows that it's true.
This was hard to write.
kitkat1077
Dream Child
Dream Child
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2016 7:46 pm

Re: He's Leaving Me.

Postby Sheena » Sat Jan 06, 2018 6:47 pm

kitkat1077 wrote: made me feel like shit
Who would tolerate that feeling and return for more? Answer: one who grew up made to feel that way, usually by abuse and neglect, so what is learned is that it is going to happen to you so you prepare to feel that way about self by doing it to you. And if for various natural reasons you leave the origin experience unresolved, so as to avoid the pain, you repeat the experience with new attachments, drawn to them just for that reason.
Sheena
Dream Guru
Dream Guru
 
Posts: 8785
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2010 2:14 pm

Re: He's Leaving Me.

Postby kitkat1077 » Sat Jan 06, 2018 9:05 pm

Sheena wrote:
kitkat1077 wrote: made me feel like shit
Who would tolerate that feeling and return for more? Answer: one who grew up made to feel that way, usually by abuse and neglect, so what is learned is that it is going to happen to you so you prepare to feel that way about self by doing it to you. And if for various natural reasons you leave the origin experience unresolved, so as to avoid the pain, you repeat the experience with new attachments, drawn to them just for that reason.


I was taught about a psychological reward system called intermittent reinforcement, where psychologist B.F Skinner placed rats in a box and rewarded them with food intermittently, completely random intervals. My prof went on to point out how we see this in humans, especially in relationships when one partner intermittently rewards the other with love and affection but withdrawals and becomes cold for some time. The person on the receiving end literally becomes addicted to this type of reinforcement and it makes it extremely hard to leave. That's the best way I could describe why I kept coming back for more, I guess. That was one of the hardest lectures to sit through.
kitkat1077
Dream Child
Dream Child
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2016 7:46 pm

Re: He's Leaving Me.

Postby Sheena » Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:43 pm

Good thought. That's what having boundaries is for.
Sheena
Dream Guru
Dream Guru
 
Posts: 8785
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2010 2:14 pm


Return to Dating And Love Relationships Advice

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

Shared Bottom Border