Page 1 of 1

A friend I just don't want to lose.....

PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2017 3:35 pm
by dreamerseeker
I have already mentioned this friend a few times before and I appreciate your answers, but I just feel like ranting...or I might just need professional help lol I don't know.



I have an Algerian Muslim penpal who I have known for over 9 months now. I have to admit, I am slightly emotionally attached to him because he he's literally the only truest friend I have in life, sad I know.... But he encourages me to not give up and to always smile and stay hopeful during my bad and stressful days. He is my ideal man in a way that he never used a single cuss word, he has no tattoos or piercings, and he genuinely seemed like a great man. (he's 25, I'm 24).

However, about 5 months ago, he started texting me he loves me because I'm nice and I'm modest. And more recently, he has been telling me that he has a "secret" but he doesn't want me to be mad. It seems like he is embarrassed to tell me, but when I pressure him, he tells me very sexual stuff and that looking at my pictures make him horny. Then he says "please don't be mad." If we video chat, he wants me to stand up and hold the camera at a certain angle so he can see my body.... :roll: I always refuse and he eventually changes the subject. He said once before that he never fell in love before, and he thinks I am the one for him.

He seems emotionally sensitive because he once told me that his feelings were hurt because his younger brother got into a fight. He says he, himself, would never hurt anyone because his heart won't let him do that, and while we were asking each other random questions, I asked him "what is one thing you cannot live without?" he said his mother.

If you were to see his pictures, he looks like a very innocent person. I want to believe he is a great person and that I would be a fool to lose him.....but I don't want my body to be violated either if he only wants me for sexual stuff. I told him a bunch of times that I am not ready for a relationship (especially a sexually active one) and he says he respects that. He is literally waiting for me to make the move on asking if we can hook up. Is it possible to make him look beyond my (not even attractive) body and get him to love me for who I am as a person?


Are all Muslim men really sexual pigs? I've heard yes and I've heard no. :? I know it's dumb that I am still contacting him, but my heart can't let him go because when you are an only child and grew up an anti-social life with friends that come and go, you will understand why it's hard to lose the only friend I have who lasted the longest with me. No, I do NOT want anyone to feel sorry for me, I'm just stating the facts about my loser life so you can understand why I am still talking to this guy. Again it's just a rant. Feel free to not comment at all!

ugh I can't believe I used to be this deluded too

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 6:10 pm
by Xwikki
dreamerseeker wrote:He is my ideal man in a way that he never used a single cuss word, he has no tattoos or piercings, and he genuinely seemed like a great man. (he's 25, I'm 24).

oh lordy

bla wrote:he started texting me he loves me because I'm nice and I'm modest. And more recently, he has been telling me that he has a "secret" but he doesn't want me to be mad. It seems like he is embarrassed to tell me, but when I pressure him, he tells me very sexual stuff and that looking at my pictures make him horny.


ugh wrote:Then he says "please don't be mad." If we video chat, he wants me to stand up and hold the camera at a certain angle so he can see my body....


omg seriously i'm actually putting all this in bold for you now wrote:He seems emotionally sensitive because he once told me that his feelings were hurt because his younger brother got into a fight.


have you not got the part yet where he doesn't respect you whatsoever? wrote:If you were to see his pictures, he looks like a very innocent person. I want to believe he is a great person and that I would be a fool to lose him.....but I don't want my body to be violated either if he only wants me for sexual stuff. I told him a bunch of times that I am not ready for a relationship (especially a sexually active one) and he says he respects that.


okay now I'm gonna give up and my eyes are rolling into the back of my head wrote:Are all Muslim men really sexual pigs?


bla bla bla wrote:I know it's dumb that I am still contacting him, but my heart can't let him go because when you are an only child and grew up an anti-social life with friends that come and go, you will understand why it's hard to lose the only friend I have who lasted the longest with me.

Stop making excuses for someone when it's obvious all he wants is to see you naked. He's not your friend. He's giving you attention and you like it. That's it.

You really, REALLY need to learn this lesson now rather than making this mistake repeatedly and it messing you up long term.

Re: A friend I just don't want to lose.....

PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2017 2:57 am
by Tal
You're lonely and desperate for that love connection but this guy isn't it. He says he "loves" your modesty but wants you to be sexual, over the internet, where he can share your images with anyone. He knows you're vulnerable and that you're unlikely to find out any truths about him because what's the chance you'll ever meet in real life.
For God's sake, don't get pulled in any further. He could be married with 5 kids for all you really know about him. I'm really sorry, but this guy has red flags glued all over him. Take care.

Re: A friend I just don't want to lose.....

PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2017 1:44 am
by VenusInChains
This makes me sad to read, I know you don't want people to feel sorry for you but I know what loneliness feels like as I am an only child myself among other things.

You don't need this guy's friendship in order to exist (you don't need his acceptance to accept yourself). Don't become codependent on him, it makes you vulnerable to abuse. There are many guys out there who say "I love you" just to get into panties, it's not just a Muslim thing. There are guys out there that aren't covered in tattoos, who are polite and treat their mothers well.