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I have a crush on my life-long friend

Need dating advice? Wanna talk about sex? Just broke up with your boyfriend? Complain about your ex? Jealousy ruining your relationship? Is he/she cheating? This is the forum to discuss and share your real life experiences.

I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby DogsAreCool » Sun Jun 25, 2017 8:08 pm

There's this boy I've known for my whole life, he's going to be a senior in high school and I'm going to be a sophomore in college. I know him because he's my mom's best friend's son and he and his siblings are like cousins to me. My mom's friend lives out of state so i only get to see their family sometimes but, over the past couple of years when I do get to see him, I've noticed I've developed a mild crush on him. he's really fun though, we play video games and we have our inside jokes, normal cousin-like activities.
Except, he comes off as somewhat flirtatious. A few examples: I went to the beach with him and his sister and he insisted on holding my hand. I joked with him, asking "so how's this week's girl friend?" and he said "She's good, I've actually had 4 this week, would you like to be my 5th?". He's also rather fond of hugging me from behind and touching me and just saying things that might otherwise be considered flirting. I still haven't decided if he's actually flirting or not.
Ultimately, my dilemma is this: 1) he has a girlfriend 2) We've known each other our whole lives and, as i said, we are like cousins. I would be afraid of judgement from the rest of our families if we became "a thing" and 3) if we do get together and break up it would be very awkward not only for us but the rest of our family.
So, if you were in my situation what would you do? Would you do nothing (like I probably will) or would you say something?
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby Xwikki » Sat Jul 08, 2017 3:25 pm

DogsAreCool wrote:"She's good, I've actually had 4 this week, would you like to be my 5th?"...etc etc etc... I still haven't decided if he's actually flirting or not.

1. Duh. Of course he's flirting with you.

DogsAreCool wrote:1) he has a girlfriend

2. NOPENOPENOPE
Do not even dare.

He's flirting with you when he has a girlfriend (which is a little ok but there are boundaries), if you become his girlfriend then would you mind him flirting with other girls and other girls trying to break you two up to become his girlfriend?
I have a funny feeling the answer is no.

No judgement from me, just don't do it. Trust me. Ask him "would your girlfriend be happy that you're flirting with me?" straight up. Sounds like a fuckboy. You two might have history, but that literally doesn't make any difference to his dick. And I know it's nice to feel special and that you have history with him and the other girls don't, but it doesn't make a difference.
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby VenusInChains » Sun Jul 09, 2017 4:13 am

If you were his girlfriend, how would you feel about there being 4-5 other girl friends for the week?
Oh well
Whatever
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby aussie_musician » Sun Jul 09, 2017 6:51 pm

its called The Bachelor ...


:lol:
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby VenusInChains » Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:59 am

Oh yeah I forget people watch reality tv. Not my cuppa tea. I get some people are in nonmonogamous relationships, even "The bachelor" glorifies it while the main "character" is searching for a monogamous relationship.
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby Xwikki » Thu Jul 13, 2017 2:02 am

I'm a supporter of poly and open relationships. But the point is that everyone consents, and that each partner (in poly) isn't fighting for attention becasue they feel satisfied... which I doubt is the case here. Some people use it as an excuse to cheat on their partner when they're just assholes.
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby aussie_musician » Sun Jul 16, 2017 7:55 pm

poly relationships ???
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby Xwikki » Mon Jul 17, 2017 9:45 am

Open = sleep with whoever you want but you and your partner are aware of it.
Poly = multiple actual relationships at the same time, sometimes having a primary partner which is your main partner, some people share out the love equally.
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby aussie_musician » Mon Jul 17, 2017 7:56 pm

pfffft ..

why not just have a wife or husband .. or the rest of your life ???

or is that not your "cup of tea" ???
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby VenusInChains » Mon Jul 17, 2017 9:51 pm

Someone's explained it to me like this.... why eat Chinese food every night? it gets boring after a while. I can't argue with someone's preferences. If you are gonna be in those kinds of relationships then you need to be honest with your partner(s) otherwise it cheating. The Batchelor isn't cheating, all those girls are very aware of each other and if they weren't comfortable with it then there is no obligation to stay.

Polygyny (1 man, more than 1wife) happened in biblical times, it wasn't considered immoral.
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby aussie_musician » Thu Jul 20, 2017 6:56 pm

well ..

of course I know that "the bachelor" isn't cheating as such ..

I have watched it myself ..


:yikes did I say that out loud ???
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby Xwikki » Fri Jul 21, 2017 12:42 pm

aussie_musician wrote:pfffft ..

why not just have a wife or husband .. or the rest of your life ???

or is that not your "cup of tea" ???

You do realise that knowing about other people's relationship choices and understanding them doesn't mean that it's my personal preference, right?

Gosh it's almost as if I can accept someone without having to share their same choices, wowie.

VenusInChains wrote:Someone's explained it to me like this.... why eat Chinese food every night? it gets boring after a while. I can't argue with someone's preferences. If you are gonna be in those kinds of relationships then you need to be honest with your partner(s) otherwise it cheating.

I try to think of it as generally being an absurd idea to depend on one single person to be able to satisfy every one of your (or their) relationship needs. You either compromise, or break up most of the time and rarely it works out. Or end up married for 20 years until one of them sleeps with someone half their age and it fucks it all up. :P

Sometimes compromise isn't always possible when it's an important thing wrong to you or them. If you're in love, and still conflicted, it'd just be a waste to end the relationship when you can either be open or poly and both of you can be satisfied. It's a joint decision. Someone might not want to be tied down to monogamy so they find someone suitable to share an open or poly relationship with, rather than trying to adhere to something that doesn't feel right for them and makes them unhappy.
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby aussie_musician » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:10 pm

er ...

ok ...


:lol:


do you currently have a boyfriend Xwikki ???



and no ..

I'm not interested in you .. that's not the intent of my question ...
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Ecclesiastes 3: 1-11 The Seasons Of Life.
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby Xwikki » Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:30 pm

aussie_musician wrote:er ...
ok ...
:lol:
do you currently have a boyfriend Xwikki ???
and no ..
I'm not interested in you .. that's not the intent of my question ...

No, because I have borderline personality disorder and I have a fantastic tendency to ruin all of my relationships.

Also obviously I'm a closet raging queer. ;)
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby aussie_musician » Mon Jul 24, 2017 7:38 pm

:lol:



well .. that was an unexpected response ..


so which personality is it ???


and whats with the tendency to ruin relationships ????
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Ecclesiastes 3: 1-11 The Seasons Of Life.
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby tropicalheatwave » Wed Jul 26, 2017 10:37 pm

Xwikki wrote:and I have a fantastic tendency to ruin all of my relationships.


You're still doing better than me.
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Re: I have a crush on my life-long friend

Postby Sheena » Tue Sep 26, 2017 8:19 am

kk - good job putting off the attempted seduction by ss, who lies about it also.

i used to think that 'crush' meant respect. Until i used it that way and was shocked by the vulgar judgemental response.
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