Question for the guys

[LifeChanges]

So I've noticed when a guy makes a decent amount of money and hits on me, bragging about what he has bought or is going to buy is one of his first tactics to "win" me. I feel like they do this to wow me and make me think I've found myself a sugar daddy. Well, I don't want one. My question is, as a guy do you do this? Why? I don't understand why a guy would want a girl so shallow that she would date him for his money.

[cjwrdl]

If it were me looking in on the situation, it would be my conclusion that the guy has some other "issues" he feels he has to make up for... lack of confidence, excess bagage, or just may be down right cocky. I drive a car designed to be driven fast, and on a race course... Its pretty to look at and it lets the wind hit your face, but I dont brag about having it. I want the girl to like me for me... not my car, or anything else for that matter. I just let them find out for themselves if they think I have money or not. I have been told thats living in a fantasy land.

[LifeChanges]

Could you explain how having excess baggage from past relationships could bring this about?

[BLUE]

Money never impressed me either

[cjwrdl]

It could bring about insecurities... past memories that he may be trying to repress, or maybe he's just nervous about a new relationship and hasn't been in "the game," as
some call it, for a very long time... it could be the simple fear of not knowing what to say

of course, unless its blatently obvious he wants you and the whole world to know he has money... then he's probably just a d-bag.

[cjwrdl]

People are strange creatures... we do horrible things to each other and on the flip side do some pretty oustanding things for one another too. I don't think there is a REAL answer, people are going to be the way they are plain and simple.

[LifeChanges]

It's like a self-defense mechanism. They don't want to talk about anything deep, so they talk about material things. It's a little irritating. This particular guy wasn't a d-bag. He seemed pretty confident and strong willed, but had some issues with past relationships. Now that I think about it, I think he may have been out of the game too long.

[LifeChanges]

People are strange creatures... we do horrible things to each other and on the flip side do some pretty oustanding things for one another too. I don't think there is a REAL answer, people are going to be the way they are plain and simple.

People are not so hard to figure out if you know what to look for. Discussions like this help me to understand certain behaviors and act accordingly so as not to be an idiot about it.

[cjwrdl]

True there are little subtleties you can read in their body language, actions, etc. This is true, I spent a good few years studying it, but in the end people are irrational and go outside their normal scope of action when they feel they are backed into a corner (relationship baggage). Take me for example. I wont lie, I have some relationship issues, I was engaged and it was abruptly ended. Completely cut off from a woman that I loved and I thought had loved me. Now every time I get put into a situation where a relationship is possible I instinctively sabotage it? Guide it to fail? stop talking to the person? I am not sure exactly, but I have had many opportunities that I just didn't allow to happen. This was not my normal behavioral pattern in the past. Make sense?

[LifeChanges]

Behavior patterns can change, either subconsciously or consciously. If you know what caused the pattern change and can draw on experience with another individual, you can make better choices. Like this guy I'm talking about. So he's not a d-bag, that I can tell, just having some issues. I'm not going to completely write him off. But I am going to give him a lot of space so he can work on his issues. I have a few of my own that need some sorting out. Make sense?

[cjwrdl]

Does make sense! I have come to the conclusion that, in the sense of relationships, people can be read more easily than I thought. Probably just another defense mechanism of mine... Have you ever read the 5 love languages? I think you would enjoy that book.

[LifeChanges]

I have not read that book, but will check it out.

[irrevocably]

its a big difference when you ask for something - than when you have something to bring to the table.
that's their way of offering something to the table - but in much simpler and tangible forms.
and for others i think its just how they express their value - pretty sad if you ask me (trying to "buy" people that is)

if i had all the money in the world - i would play with it and have fun, not try to impress people.... though a guilty pleasure would be to rub it on my ex's faces! nah jk!

[LifeChanges]

its a big difference when you ask for something - than when you have something to bring to the table.
that's their way of offering something to the table - but in much simpler and tangible forms.

Meaning they don't have the skills to communicate properly? The only way they know how to talk to a girl is the language of money?

[BLUE]

Ok LC this is the way I understand it. One of the most important things to some men is money. It goes back when they showed you that they can take of you. It goes back some time in history if you look back. If he is not a d bag trying to buy you and is a nice guy...well...Look at it this way...He is showing you that he is established and stable. That he has a job and can take care of things if need be. We both know there is a big difference from one to the other. A man who can walk beside you is what I personally like.

[LifeChanges]

Ok LC this is the way I understand it. One of the most important things to some men is money. It goes back when they showed you that they can take of you. It goes back some time in history if you look back. If he is not a d bag trying to buy you and is a nice guy...well...Look at it this way...He is showing you that he is established and stable. That he has a job and can take care of things if need be. We both know there is a big difference from one to the other. A man who can walk beside you is what I personally like.

Am I thinking about this too much? lol, I get it. It's just a shame, he's really nice looking

[smartatart]

Your not over-thinking anything you just seem to be very into psychology, as am i. i love this website and i love understanding how our human minds work. do you think that you should relly have a man for his looks?i spent a whole month with my boyfriend when we first met and i didn't let him show me what he looked like because i wanted to make sure i was in love with him for who he was on the inside. anyway, get to know the guy, let him bring out his insides, tell him you don'tcare about his money.

[LifeChanges]

...do you think that you should relly have a man for his looks?i spent a whole month with my boyfriend when we first met and i didn't let him show me what he looked like because i wanted to make sure i was in love with him for who he was on the inside. anyway, get to know the guy, let him bring out his insides, tell him you don'tcare about his money.

No! I do not want to be with a guy just for his looks. I need a guy who can communicate. The thing is, I was cleaning his house for some money on the side. We had been texting back and forth on the business part of it. He seemed very relieved that I took control and told him exactly what I needed and when to meet and what not. I made the occasional joke to get him to laugh. I guess I made him feel very comfortable, because when I started cleaning he just let it all out about a recent relationship gone bad. I became his therapist while I cleaned. Normally I would think this is weird. But based on my past behavior, when you hold stuff like that in it's going to come out eventually. I was there and he needed to talk. Apparently he got used up by a younger girl after his money that didn't know how to communicate. He wanted to know if I was ready to date after my recent divorce. My answer was no. I want to be alone and be myself. Plus, I really don't want to lose him as a client. It would be very unprofessional. And he needs to sort out his issues.

How did you spend a whole month with your Bf and not see him?

[smartatart]

haha , well you read my other post, i met him online. he lives very far away. I hope im not intruding but why did you and your husband divorce?

[tropicalheatwave]

So I've noticed when a guy makes a decent amount of money and hits on me, bragging about what he has bought or is going to buy is one of his first tactics to "win" me.

if the guy is not using money to manipulate you or have dominance over you then i don't think its that much of a big deal. i don't see anything wrong with a little bragging. perhaps he takes great pride in the amount of money he makes and wants to show it off. maybe he is happy with the new things he can buy and needs someone to share his excitement with. super models show off their body, poets shows off their poetry, an Olympic athlete shows off their medals, so why can't a person who makes money show off their money? (just felt like giving a different point of view)

My question is, as a guy do you do this?

i can't. i don't even have a car let alone a lot of money. and if i try, i would look retarded. i can imagine me flashing my five dollar bill to a girl, bragging that if she goes out with me i'll treat her to a bus ride to Taco Bell.

I don't understand why a guy would want a girl so shallow that she would date him for his money.

some men like to feel needed. that way they feel important. while some women want a false sense of security.

[smartatart]

i understand what tropicalheatwave is saying, the only issue with that statement is that those kind of relationships never last, unfortunately, unless a person is undeniably committed.

[LifeChanges]

if the guy is not using money to manipulate you or have dominance over you then i don't think its that much of a big deal. i don't see anything wrong with a little bragging. perhaps he takes great pride in the amount of money he makes and wants to show it off. maybe he is happy with the new things he can buy and needs someone to share his excitement with. super models show off their body, poets shows off their poetry, an Olympic athlete shows off their medals, so why can't a person who makes money show off their money? (just felt like giving a different point of view)

I agree, there's nothing wrong with a little bragging. But when it gets to the point where you can't talk about anything but what you have, it doesn't leave much room to dig deeper. It could be fun for a little while to be with someone who doesn't mind sharing his wealth. Eventually the excitement will wear off. And where does that leave you? You end up not knowing much about the true character of that person.

i can't. i don't even have a car let alone a lot of money. and if i try, i would look retarded. i can imagine me flashing my five dollar bill to a girl, bragging that if she goes out with me i'll treat her to a bus ride to Taco Bell.

Ohhhh, sometimes you can be so funny it's sweet, Trop. Sometimes not

some men like to feel needed. that way they feel important. while some women want a false sense of security.

To each his own.

[LifeChanges]

i understand what tropicalheatwave is saying, the only issue with that statement is that those kind of relationships never last, unfortunately, unless a person is undeniably committed.

On point Smart

[smartatart]

thank you.