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It's been nearly 2 years..Should I try again?

Need dating advice? Wanna talk about sex? Just broke up with your boyfriend? Complain about your ex? Jealousy ruining your relationship? Is he/she cheating? This is the forum to discuss and share your real life experiences.

It's been nearly 2 years..Should I try again?

Postby dantiana » Sat Jul 07, 2018 4:45 am

It's been almost 2 years since my ex and I broke up. I want to text him and ask him for a second chance, but I'm terrified of his rejection. What should I do? If you want more history on our relationship, I've written it below. Please help. (I'm sorry for any misspelling)

I'm only 18, I met my ex boyfriend when I had just turned 15. We were together for almost 2 years, I know it doesn't seem long and most would call it "puppy love" but I know for a fact that it was nothing like puppy love. Our friends aspired to be like us in their future relationships. We were perfect for the most part.
I lost my virginity to him 7 months into our relationship, 4 days after my 16th birthday. I had always taken my virginity seriously, and only ever wanted to lose it to someone who I cared about deeply and that cared for me just as much. This was a large milestone in our relationship, as we were both virgins before this.

Our relationship was amazing in the beginning, I can't pick out a flaw, no matter how hard I try. I'd sneak off and spend nights at his house, convincing my parents I was spending those nights at my bestfriends house. I was so young, and so fucking in love. We did everything together, if we weren't glued by our hips, we'd be texting all day. He knew everything there was to know about my life, and I knew everything about his. To this day, I'm convinced he is my soulmate.

Things became rocky when I had left for Europe for 2 months during the summer to visit family. We had been arguing constantly, and I assume it was from the stress of not seeing each other and barely speaking due to the time difference and our responsibilities. I decided we needed a break while I was away because I had known this arguing would be no good for us and not beneficial at all A break was needed. During that break he has gone to a party and fingered a girl that he had known prior to the party. I didn't find this out till after I cam back from Europe and had gone to his house. The way I found out was pretty fucked. I had been joking with him and said "my bestfriend told me you weren't behaving! she told me what you did" and I guess past my smiling and giggling, he had assumed I was being serious. When I realized how his face had dropped and suddenly he became nervous I had to investigate further, so I kept persuading him to just be honest with me because I had "already known" what he did. And then that's when he came clean and told me. I can still remember my heart shattering into a million different pieces within me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was just gut wrenching. We had been on a break, yes, but that did not give him a right to go and do things with other girls. I thought he knew better than that

When all was released and I had found out what he did, our relationship took a turn for the worst in the upcoming months. My insecurities got the best of me. I was only 16, still so young and so naive. We both became emotionally screwed. I'd go over his house and start to cry randomly, thinking about everything, and instead of comforting me, he'd begin to cry himself, regretful of what he's done and the affect it's had on me. We eventually started to get very aggressive, verbally, with each other during arguments. He called me a bitch once, and that's when all hell broke loose in my head. I would shoot back with the must vulgar words, not knowing how to stop, clouded by my insecurity and anger. We soon became very toxic, and he was finally the one to say enough is enough. He blocked me everywhere, and changed his number.

The way he left me was the worst part of it all, suddenly and abruptly. He cut off all my contact to him and I felt myself going insane. I loved him so much, he had become my literal everything. My entire life was based around him. He had a say in every decision I made. I couldn't imagine a life without him, I felt that without him I was nothing. Who was I going to share all my crazy and stupid stories with? Who was I going to go to when in need of comfort and love? Every time anything even remotely interesting happened, he was the first to know.

I became an absolute wreck. I was in my bed days at a time crying my eyes out till I had no tears left to cry. My heart felt heavy and my eyes, swollen. Constantly. My family became concerned for my mental health, and my younger sister constantly told me how annoying my cries were, and that they'd keep her up all night. I started to feel like a burden on my family. I couldn't help how I felt, I couldn't stop the tears from leaving my eyes. I had no relationship with my parents, yet I found myself bawling in their arms. Everything reminded me of him. No words could describe the pain I felt. I lost my bestfriend, my soulmate, my future. The man I wanted to marry became just another person I lost.

Months after that, we had found our way back to each other. I was 17 now, he was 18. Things did not go as planned, he had blocked me on everything all over again. I had felt the pain I initially felt when he left me, again and this time harder. I couldn't believe he had done that to me again. My heart couldn't bare it. I fell into a depression again. My heart felt like it was going to explode. I couldn't believe it hadn't already.

I eventually got over that short but awful experience. But I had still missed him dearly, regardless of what he had put me through. It's been nearly two years since the initial break up. We speak rarely, and only ever about something other than us. I had tried once, to sneak back into his life, but he had caught what I was trying to do and ended up sending me something resembling a poem, explaining why we could never be together again..how we had both hurt each other, and became too toxic of a relationship. I understood and let it be, even though it hurt me to say goodbye.

I'm 18 now, and he's been on my mind now more than ever. I dream about him night after night, about being with him or him taking me back. No matter how many guys I try to allow into my life, none of them seem to amount to him and how he's made me feel. I constantly think about texting him and telling him I've changed for the better, that I've let go of my insecurities and hurt, that I've grown and have acknowledged my flaws. I haven't because I'm terrified of him rejecting me, but also a small part of me is scared of things going well just for us to fall back into the toxicity that we had fallen into before. I don't know what to do, and I don't know how to feel. I just miss him dearly, I want to try this again. I feel as though we've both grown, and we both know our faults in the relationship and that we could potentially be amazing this time around. I don't know what to do, any advice?
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Re: It's been nearly 2 years..Should I try again?

Postby Jezzabella » Sat Jul 07, 2018 5:42 am

2 years since you got burned? You should absolutely stick your arm in the fire again and be burned, you might learn this time.

Do it. Talk to him.
Or walk away from this rotten fish, it’s not like there are 7 billion others out there that don’t stink.
Sometimes the truth hurts.
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Re: It's been nearly 2 years..Should I try again?

Postby dantiana » Sun Jul 08, 2018 1:28 pm

Jezzabella wrote:2 years since you got burned? You should absolutely stick your arm in the fire again and be burned, you might learn this time.

Do it. Talk to him.
Or walk away from this rotten fish, it’s not like there are 7 billion others out there that don’t stink.


I hate how right you are. Thank you for telling me how it is.
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Re: It's been nearly 2 years..Should I try again?

Postby VenusInChains » Mon Jul 09, 2018 12:27 am

I guess everyone has different ideas about what's acceptable while on a "break"

If you are worried about being rejected, be prepared for it because it doesn't look like he wants you in his life - he wrote a poem to you about it and gave it to you. I think Jezzabelle is right, you are going to get hurt chasing him.
Oh well
Whatever
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Re: It's been nearly 2 years..Should I try again?

Postby dantiana » Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:29 am

VenusInChains wrote:I guess everyone has different ideas about what's acceptable while on a "break"

If you are worried about being rejected, be prepared for it because it doesn't look like he wants you in his life - he wrote a poem to you about it and gave it to you. I think Jezzabelle is right, you are going to get hurt chasing him.


after writing that whole thing and reading replies; i've realized i don't even really miss him, i just miss the security i felt with him. i don't think i'll bother texting him or calling him again. I'm still young and i still have time to find the right person to have in my life. i shouldn't settle and i certainly shouldn't be chasing someone who very clearly does not want me in his life. thank you for this. i needed to be told the truth. everyone around me prefers to sugar coat it to avoid hurting my feelings. so thank you.
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Re: It's been nearly 2 years..Should I try again?

Postby cannydreams » Sat Jul 14, 2018 10:12 am

That relationship sounded very toxic for you, caused you a lot of mental distress and depression and gave you nothing really positive from what I just read to make you ever want to reconnect with this person. Fact first chance he got to do something with someone else he took it even though you both were obviously in a relationship and lost your virginity to one another. There would be nothing good with him left behind for you to pursue. Try with someone new instead and make better memories.
" Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there."
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