Dictionary:   A    B    C    D    E    F    G    H    I    J    K      M     N    O    P    Q    R    S    T    U     V    W    X    Y    Z

 

home   .   dream info   .   common dreams  dream dictionary  dream bank   site map   discussion forum  contact us

Lousy lover (rant)

Need dating advice? Wanna talk about sex? Just broke up with your boyfriend? Complain about your ex? Jealousy ruining your relationship? Is he/she cheating? This is the forum to discuss and share your real life experiences.

Lousy lover (rant)

Postby DanseControl » Mon Apr 16, 2018 7:48 am

My boyfriend and I have known each other for around eight years. We dated once in high school, freshman year for about a month or so. We tried again a few years later, didn't work either or last very long (I was the one who broke up with him twice). Now here we are, years later trying again. We have been together for four and a half months now. I was happy for the first month but since then my happiness has been rapidly declining. (when we started hanging out again, physically he has being pushy trying to kiss me and hold me when i didnt want it. I was not ready for a relatonship and told him that but he persisted and i didnt stop it after a certain point. I guess that was the first red flag.. right?)

My boyfriend asks me at least six times a day what is wrong. And almost every time I lie and tell him that I am okay. I know he knows that I am lying at least half of the time. I guess I just cant hide my emotions anymore.

The problem is that I cannot communicate. I feel like a coward but I literally cannot bring myself to say these things.When I try My mind goes blank and I get distracted by other things. I never really say what I want to and it only makes things worse because nothing gets changed because i can not express myself completely. It is maddening.

I cant help but feel stupid and embarrassed for sex being as big of an issue as it is, because it is not everything but it really does matter to me. Especially when he gets all and I get none.
When we are done having sex, he literally pushes my leg out of the way (every-single-time) and plops down on the bed next to me, done.
We dont even really do much foreplay. Sometimes he rubs me on the outside of my jeans but its always too rough so I push his hand away or whatever (not being mean, just trying to stop the pain) and tell him to be more gentle but then he just stops and gets ontop of me.
I have asked him twice why he doesnt touch me and never really got an answer. I asked him if he thought I was gross and he was shocked i would have even thought that.
Sometimes he will look at me and play with his tongue, indicating oral sex and I just roll my eyes at him (he doesnt understand why- even though he has never given me oral pleasure)

Next, the food.
He is always asking me to make him food, which I wouldnt mind doing but I feel like he only wants me to make it for him because hes being lazy. He wines at me "Babbbbbe" over and over and it makes me fucking sick.
He will sit down and start up his game (not even playing yet) THEN ask me to make him food. And he doesn't even wash his dishes.

This is the most important one. Its hard to admit but for the past few months, every night i have been taking nyquil to get to sleep and it has become a huge problem.
Our sleep schedules are very different. He falls asleep at about eight pm and I am up until midnight, or one in the morning. we wake up at the same time.
(before we got together, i never had a problem falling asleep and staying that way)
a lot of time time he wakes me up around 4 am or so by grinding on my back side and doesnt understand why i get upset over it. I never feel good in the mornings anyway.
He tells me that I am doom and gloom and lightning bolts in the morning but he doesnt know about the nyquil (and how It feels like im being pulled out of a coma every morning. It fucks with my emotions) (I admit i am a bitch in the morning)
I barley have dreams anymore, since weve been sleeping next to eachother. My mom said it is because i feel safe, but i know that is not way, even though he does make me feel protected.

We got a ps4 a few weeks ago. He asked me if i wanted to go half on it. I agreed and ended up paying for the whole thing. He said he was going to pay me back and he paid me for part of it (still owes me money for other things, not that it matters to me much but it is fact)
He is unfair with the play time. And he gets on it as soon as he wakes up everyday (maybe i want to play it when i wake up sometimes...) He will take it downstairs (better tv down there)play for 10 hours straight and bring it back upstairs when my parents get home then falls asleep on my bed so i am stuck sitting on the floor in a cramped space if i want to play. (not everyday but most)

He thinks that I get mad at him for playing the game, which i suppose is a little true because i want to play too but its mostly because I feel ignored and un cared for because of all of our other problems

Now to be petty-
(i let him but) he claimed my special pillow (i am very picky, get headaches from most pillows) I told him I wanted to use it but he said no and made a joke out of it so now i just use another one. He takes my comfort blanket although he hasnt used it in about a week. He took my favorite side of the bed.
He massaged me for the first time yesterday but it was only for a minute and was over the shirt.
I hate the way he calls other people sweetie and love.
I hate his mouth noises and the way he interupts me when im speaking.
He never cleans up after himsellf. I always clean our room. He is convinced that I like cleaning and i admit, i dont mind it but i do not like it. i just cant stand cluttered spaces.
He embarrasses me in front of my parents and others. (but doesnt try to) He feels like he has to talk more around my parents (I always know when they are around because he says "ridiculous" a lot) and I feel like he is too loud. Sometimes they just want quiet and hes a storm coming down the stairs. He is respectful but that is just his nature-violent and loud.
I feel he has no respect for me
he doesnt do anything for me, but i guess i never really ask but i feel like for most of it, I shouldnt have to ask (right?)


He has good qualaties as well but they are being over shadowed by all of this mess. I really do want to be with him but i cannot deal with this anymore.

I dont know how to tell him or where to start.Is it even worth it or am I just crazy? help!
DanseControl
DM Lurker
DM Lurker
 
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:30 am

Re: Lousy lover (rant)

Postby operatormike » Mon Apr 16, 2018 10:12 am

Dear DC,

You are not crazy. He is pushing you around too much. You NEED to communicate. Let him know what you want and what bothers you. Do not hide your emotions. If he is asking you what is wrong, tell him. You could say, "A lot of things" then start with the most important. Even if you only talk about one of your issues and try to make him understand, it will be a start. It can be a process of building a relationship or determining that it is not going to work. If he really cares about you, he will try to make you happy and take up some of the slack in the relationship.
Regarding the bedroom, you should let him know you are not satisfied...right when it happens! Sometimes a guy needs to rest for a while, but can come back and satisfy you completely. Foreplay might also be the answer.
You also should be verbal with your feelings. If you are pushing him away because it hurts. Tell him it hurts. He might be confusing your signals. Guys aren't good with hints. They need step by step instructions. I should know. I am a guy.

You are likely not dreaming because you are not getting a good nights sleep. If you solve these other issues with him, you should be able to sleep normally again.

Hope you find your happiness,
Peace,
Operator Mike
Who looks outside, dreams;
Love is the answer and you know that for sure
Love is a flower, you got to let it, you got to let it grow
So keep on playing those mind games together
---John Lennon
who looks inside, awakens! ---Carl Jung
User avatar
operatormike
Gate Keeper
Gate Keeper
 
Posts: 3045
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 7:20 am
Location: Cleveland, Ohio

Re: Lousy lover (rant)

Postby VenusInChains » Tue Apr 17, 2018 5:32 am

I completely agree with operator mike, you need to communicate with your boyfriend. He doesn’t know he’s hurting you or annoying you if you don’t tell him. This also goes with what happens in the bedroom, you need to tell him what you like and what you don’t like.

Start a conversation like “I really like it when you.... But I don’t like it when you....”
Tell him when he hurts you. He has no idea, and you can’t fault him for not being able to read your mind.
Oh well
Whatever
Never mind
User avatar
VenusInChains
Out Of This World
Out Of This World
 
Posts: 1706
Joined: Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:53 pm
Location: Elsewhere

Re: Lousy lover (rant)

Postby operatormike » Tue Apr 17, 2018 8:59 am

Thank you, Venus. Venus gives excellent advice. Instead of just saying what bothers you, she tells you to make it positive, I really like it when...etc.

P.S. DC, I thought I recognized your name. Sure enough, I had responded to a dream that you had entitled, Men. The dream makes a lot more sense, now that I know your back story. Take a look at your post and my interpretation.
http://dreammoods.com/dreamforum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=161498%20
Who looks outside, dreams;
Love is the answer and you know that for sure
Love is a flower, you got to let it, you got to let it grow
So keep on playing those mind games together
---John Lennon
who looks inside, awakens! ---Carl Jung
User avatar
operatormike
Gate Keeper
Gate Keeper
 
Posts: 3045
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 7:20 am
Location: Cleveland, Ohio


Return to Dating And Love Relationships Advice

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

Shared Bottom Border