Never Been In A Relationship

[hunchdebunch]

Well, as it says, I've never been in a relationship before. I'm 20 now, and my younger sister has had a boyfriend already. I'm struggling with feelings of inadequacy because of this. I've always felt like my sister is more attractive than I am, and more desirable, and now that she's had a boyfriend before me, I feel even worse about it.

I'm conflicted, because although I want to have a relationship, I don't want to just date anyone just so I can finally say I've had a boyfriend. I want something real, with someone who I really care about, and who really cares about me.

So my issue really is that I can't find anyone I'm that into, and whenever I actually do, I feel like I'm not good enough for them. Trouble is, I'm really lonely.

Sorry, this has turned more into an emotional outburst than anything else. I suppose I'm just afraid I'll never find someone.

[m83]

2 really big, really important things: First, relax--you're only 20! You have so much time! Second, stop comparing yourself to your sister. Sure, your feelings are ruffled because you think that being older, you should have the experiences first. That's human nature. Some people just seem to attract people easily, and for others it takes more work; personalities are never completely black and white. I think it's great that you don't want to just settle, and you shouldn't have to! You might want to try focusing on developing your interests more, and grow within yourself--nothing is more attractive than someone who is comfortable in their skin. Being there for your sister is important, too, to share all things that sisters do. Keep in mind that most relationships at young ages don't last; you'll know when you've found someone special. Word on the street is that crazy things like love creep up on you when you least expect, so don't worry so much about being single. It's not such a bad thing to be anyway!

[Vulcanoid]

Well, as it says, I've never been in a relationship before. I'm 20 now (...)

Nothing wrong there.

I'm conflicted, because although I want to have a relationship, I don't want to just date anyone just so I can finally say I've had a boyfriend. I want something real, with someone who I really care about, and who really cares about me.

I have a friend with "almost" the same issue. Though, she is in a relationship for OVER 3 years. And i tell you, she's in that "relation" only so she can say "Hey at least i have a boyfriend.
My advice here, don't desperately look for someone 'just because you want to be labeled as a girlfriend rather than a single girl". Most of the times, being single is so much better.

So my issue really is that I can't find anyone I'm that into, and whenever I actually do, I feel like I'm not good enough for them. Trouble is, I'm really lonely.

Sorry, this has turned more into an emotional outburst than anything else. I suppose I'm just afraid I'll never find someone.

I know that feeling all too well. Being alone in a world with over 7 billion people I can totally relate because i was, kind of, in the same situation like you, though that's a different story.
Just relax, as m83 already said. You are young, so much can change in a matter of days. The most important thing, don't change yourself for others. stand of your ground. Don't go for a boyfriend because you want to be a girlfriend. Go for a boyfriend because you want someone to love you the legit way. Not for your personality, looks, skills or money. But for who you are in your natural state.

Sorry for the long rant, i felt a little of me in your post.

[hunchdebunch]

Thanks, guys You're right; I'm doing the right thing by waiting for the right person to come along, and I shouldn't worry so much about being single. I'll probably feel lonely from time to time, but hopefully if I just hang in there someone will surprise me one day. I'll just try to focus on other aspects of my life, like my family, friends, and my art, and try not to worry about relationships. I just need to try to stay positive. That's not something I'm particularly good at, but I can give it a go!

[MissWong]

Maybe there is someone close to you, a friend who secretly wishes you were theirs and one day will get the courage to tell you, or vice versa and you feel this about a friend. Some of the best relationships are ones who were friends first. Good luck.

[irrevocably]

Well, as it says, I've never been in a relationship before. I'm 20 now, and my younger sister has had a boyfriend already. I'm struggling with feelings of inadequacy because of this. I've always felt like my sister is more attractive than I am, and more desirable, and now that she's had a boyfriend before me, I feel even worse about it.

I'm conflicted, because although I want to have a relationship, I don't want to just date anyone just so I can finally say I've had a boyfriend. I want something real, with someone who I really care about, and who really cares about me.

So my issue really is that I can't find anyone I'm that into, and whenever I actually do, I feel like I'm not good enough for them. Trouble is, I'm really lonely.

Sorry, this has turned more into an emotional outburst than anything else. I suppose I'm just afraid I'll never find someone.

don't worry, you're on the right track. the only reason you haven't found someone is because the right guy is coming your way.
if you didn't have some standards - then believe me you would already have had a bunch of relationships; this is true for everyone (mostly)
and its better to know what you want, then to be handed something you don't need. (think that came out correctly)
if you really want to "speed" things up - help other people's relationships, and that's when that special someone does come in when you least expect it!
hope this thought helps ya out

[hunchdebunch]

MissWong; I've never really thought about that before. I'm not aware of any male friends liking me, but I guess it could happen

Irrevocably; When you say help other people's relationships, do you mean give people advice or set people up with each other? Or both? Haha, if you mean give advice, people come to me for relationship advice all the time for some reason!

[irrevocably]

MissWong; I've never really thought about that before. I'm not aware of any male friends liking me, but I guess it could happen

Irrevocably; When you say help other people's relationships, do you mean give people advice or set people up with each other? Or both? Haha, if you mean give advice, people come to me for relationship advice all the time for some reason!

both, you always get back what you put out - so be very selfless because it goes a long way

[gargoylegoil]

2 really big, really important things: First, relax--you're only 20! You have so much time! Second, stop comparing yourself to your sister. Sure, your feelings are ruffled because you think that being older, you should have the experiences first. That's human nature. Some people just seem to attract people easily, and for others it takes more work; personalities are never completely black and white. I think it's great that you don't want to just settle, and you shouldn't have to! You might want to try focusing on developing your interests more, and grow within yourself--nothing is more attractive than someone who is comfortable in their skin. Being there for your sister is important, too, to share all things that sisters do. Keep in mind that most relationships at young ages don't last; you'll know when you've found someone special. Word on the street is that crazy things like love creep up on you when you least expect, so don't worry so much about being single. It's not such a bad thing to be anyway!

Great advise m83

[sayuri]

There is nothing wrong with being a 20 year old and not in a relationship (hell im 21 and barely in my first actual relationship) I was in almost your same situation. Just cuz your sister has a bf doesnt mean that you necessarily have to have one... And just cuz she has a bf, doesnt mean your any less attractive, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Besides, what you might lack in looks you might make up for in brains and same goes for your sister what has in looks she might lack in another department... Sorry i know im ranting... But all and all take some time for yourself, have fun (youre only 20)when the right guy comes you will know it dont rush it, for it shall naturally happen C'est la vie!
~Sayu Chan