Spirit Inferno

by **Cay Lin** on Wed Apr 14, 2010 8:52 pm

My soul is on fire and my heart is burning,
He said he didn’t love me,
He just tried to spare my feelings,
And I told him it was okay,
But it wasn’t,
I died that day,
The day the man I loved rejected me,
After he led me on so long,
Laughed at my humorless jokes,
Poked good-natured fun at me,
And even went so far as to kiss me,
On the cheek,
As we walked across the moonlit fields,
The stars tiny pinpricks in the curtains of the night,
But all that was vacant,
No feeling behind those brown-eyed gazes,
Just curiosity,
How far can I bend her until she breaks?
How far will she go to show her devotion?
I’d do anything for him,
And he knew it,
And he used me to his advantage,
Only pretending to love me in return,
Pretending just enough to keep me wondering,
But not enough to satisfy me,
He knew just how far to go,
To drive me mad,
Without committing me to an asylum,
And he knew,
Just which heartstrings to pluck,
To leave me begging for more,
And when I didn’t get it,
To leave me sobbing into my pillow,
In the middle of the night,
While he slept soundly,
Untroubled,
Not knowing how much I hurt,
And not knowing how much I wanted out,
How much I wanted to die, then and there,
To leave this world and this hurt,
And he could never know,
Because he is the heartbreaker,
And not the one with the broken heart,
But none of that matters anymore,
Because right now I’m sitting,
Watching my house burn,
Burn like my heart did all those years ago,
When, inside those walls,
The man I knew I’d love forever,
Cast my heart into the flames of hurt,
And my heart turned into ash,
Just like my house is now,
And now my heart is burning twice as much,
As it did the first time I died.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A summary of the past 4 years...

by **Soul Void** on Thu Apr 15, 2010 6:18 pm

holy crap... wow... im so sorry cay... *hugs you* i am here, my friend...

by **Cay Lin** on Thu Apr 15, 2010 6:23 pm

and i am glad that you are!

by **Soul Void** on Thu Apr 15, 2010 6:54 pm

*smiles and winks* always

by **Cay Lin** on Fri Apr 16, 2010 5:06 pm

by **Soul Void** on Fri Apr 16, 2010 6:16 pm

by **Cay Lin** on Fri Apr 16, 2010 7:31 pm

don't lyao at me! XD jk, you can lyao at me any time.

by **Soul Void** on Sat Apr 17, 2010 9:54 am

i'd be laughing WITH you more than AT you, cay

by **Cay Lin** on Sat Apr 17, 2010 10:15 am

in that case: :lol:

by **Soul Void** on Sat Apr 17, 2010 3:58 pm

by **Cay Lin** on Sun Apr 18, 2010 10:21 am

by **Soul Void** on Sun Apr 18, 2010 2:08 pm

ok, now ur just being silly XD

by **Cay Lin** on Sun Apr 18, 2010 4:28 pm

Silly's my middle name!

by **Soul Void** on Sun Apr 18, 2010 5:21 pm

Cay Silly Lin? hmm... :lol:

by **Cay Lin** on Sun Apr 18, 2010 7:06 pm

Well, no, Cay Rhiannon Lin.

same thing. XD

by **Soul Void** on Sun Apr 18, 2010 9:23 pm

nice name, but i would never remember it, so Cay Silly Lin it is lol jk jk

by **Cay Lin** on Mon Apr 19, 2010 4:47 pm

Why thank you!XD yeah, it took me a long time to learn how to spell it! I love my middle name, though. It's very pretty, and very unique. Silly's a good middle name, too. :lol:

by **Soul Void** on Tue Apr 20, 2010 3:33 pm

i like it, i just cant say it lol

by **Cay Lin** on Tue Apr 20, 2010 4:38 pm

It's pronounced re-AWN-in. or, as my dad pronounces it, re-AN-in. I personally like re-AWN-in better.

by **Soul Void** on Tue Apr 20, 2010 5:15 pm

oh, cool

by **Cay Lin** on Wed Apr 21, 2010 4:41 pm

which do you like better? re-AWN-in or re-AN-in?

by **Soul Void** on Wed Apr 21, 2010 5:23 pm

whichever you prefer to hear

by **Cay Lin** on Thu Apr 22, 2010 5:53 pm

aw, c'mon, which one do you like better, in YOUR opinion?

by **Soul Void** on Thu Apr 22, 2010 6:02 pm

its YOUR name, and i prefer to pronounce it the way you like hearing it, cause i dont like upsetting people by mispronouncing their names

by **Cay Lin** on Sat Apr 24, 2010 3:41 pm

I'd like to have more people in this world like you, Steven. People always pronounce my first name as Caitlyn. It's Cailin. no "t." it's not that hard to pronounce!

by **Soul Void** on Sat Apr 24, 2010 5:47 pm

yeah, i try to pronounce a name the way its holder prefers it

by **Cay Lin** on Sun Apr 25, 2010 10:08 am

That's very nice of you. When i try to correct people, usually they ignore me and continue to call me Caitlyn.

by **Soul Void** on Sun Apr 25, 2010 12:07 pm

i would slap them

by **Cay Lin** on Mon Apr 26, 2010 4:42 pm

yeah, well, people usually hate me enough when they meet me, and i think slapping them would prompt them to beat me up.

by **Xwikki** on Mon Apr 26, 2010 5:11 pm

Oh>! Isah love it.

Very depressing.

I have been meaning to buy a book: The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls. By Emilie Autumn. ^.^ Reminded me.

by **Cay Lin** on Mon Apr 26, 2010 8:52 pm

thanks! asylum for wayward victorian girls? :lol:

by **Xwikki** on Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:41 am

Yeah, it's some book written by the violinist/singer Emilie Autumn [Her real name is Emily Autumn]

She's bipolar, apparently completely crackers aswell.

by **Cay Lin** on Tue Apr 27, 2010 4:30 pm

wow. That's cool... XD i think my mum is bipolar. and i think i am, too... :lol:

by **Xwikki** on Wed Apr 28, 2010 12:16 pm

I'm a complete and utter manic depressant. :lol:

by **Cay Lin** on Wed Apr 28, 2010 4:33 pm

ugh, me too! I dislike it very much sometimes. I also believe that i am schizophrenic...

by **Xwikki** on Wed Apr 28, 2010 4:39 pm

Wouldn't paste you as schizophrenic Cay, had a paranoid schizophrenic as an uncle. Dodgey condition. :banghead:

by **Cay Lin** on Wed Apr 28, 2010 7:03 pm

eh, well, I've never told anyone i've had symptoms of schizophrenia. I also think i've got OCD. But again, i've never told anyone. (hell, Vikki, i think my SONGS have FEELINGS! If i haven't listened to a song in a long time, i HAVE to listen to it or else i'll hurt it's feelings...) :shock:

i'm crazy. (is that schizophrenia.

by **Xwikki** on Fri Apr 30, 2010 11:48 am

Schizophrenia is where you see things that aren't there and hear people/personalities talking to you.
I have anthropophobia [whatever it's spelt].

Hmm, songs with feelings>? I'm like that with writing poetry, I write whatever is 'telling' me to write, it's hard to explain. Not neccesarily being told as much, but pushed in the genneral direction.

by **Cay Lin** on Sat May 01, 2010 3:51 pm

I read a book where the person had schizophrenia, and she thought that her dolls had feelings, and were real and such. Does carrying on a conversation with 2 of my other personalities count as hearing voices? :shock:

I honestly argue with two different versions of me, and they're both against me.

weird, huh?

Yeah, i know what you mean. I get that, too. it's interesting

by **Xwikki** on Sat May 01, 2010 3:59 pm

Getting into different personalities is more bipolar now. :lol:

Schizophrenia is more other people chatting to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBUc_kATGgg
LOL.

by **Cay Lin** on Sun May 02, 2010 10:11 am

right.

i'd watch the video, but youtube is down right now, so i can't at the mo. but i will, don't worry!

by **Xwikki** on Sun May 02, 2010 1:25 pm

by **Cay Lin** on Sun May 02, 2010 5:45 pm

what?

by **Soul Void** on Mon Jul 05, 2010 10:47 am

wow O_O
I sure missed a lot, huh?

by **Cay Lin** on Mon Jul 05, 2010 2:07 pm

Yes, my friend, you did.

by **littledebbie1081** on Mon Jul 05, 2010 8:33 pm

Well... hate to bring us back to topic... but... I know what you mean about men... I have been there... You do the best you can to edit out the garbage... figure out which ones are legit... but even still I had one that persued me hard core... introduced me to all his friends, would pick me up from work every day, and we would chill until all hours of the night ,every night and this went on for a very long time... then that night that should have been particulary special when I finally gave into him... Right afterward he said "Well, now I can say I did that"

I was like :whoa:

really? That is all it was for you? Introduceing me to all your friends so you could brag about it later... fucking prick. He only came by to see me once after that and the next time I saw him was just crossing paths at the grocery store... I didn't love him or anything but I had enjoyed his company for a time. That would be the first and last time I allowed a man to use me that way.

You will get better at spotting the good ones. Don't worry.

by **Cay Lin** on Tue Jul 06, 2010 10:47 am

littledebbie1081 wrote:Well... hate to bring us back to topic... but... I know what you mean about men... I have been there... You do the best you can to edit out the garbage... figure out which ones are legit... but even still I had one that persued me hard core... introduced me to all his friends, would pick me up from work every day, and we would chill until all hours of the night ,every night and this went on for a very long time... then that night that should have been particulary special when I finally gave into him... Right afterward he said "Well, now I can say I did that"

I was like really? That is all it was for you? Introduceing me to all your friends so you could brag about it later... fucking prick. He only came by to see me once after that and the next time I saw him was just crossing paths at the grocery store... I didn't love him or anything but I had enjoyed his company for a time. That would be the first and last time I allowed a man to use me that way.

You will get better at spotting the good ones. Don't worry.

That's terrible! I can spot the good ones, but I only fall for the bad ones. I like the ones that make me laugh and love me for who i am, but some of them have other qualities besides those. I'm so sorry you had to go through that...

by **littledebbie1081** on Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:20 pm

Don't feel sorry... that was years ago... I have learned a lot since then.

Most men, even if they are only using a girl, have the decency not to reveal it to her like that... I don't get what it is about the "Bad Boys" that makes them so damn alluring... but I think all women go through it at some point in their life... not that they ever become less alluring but they become like... Jelly fish... we are drawn to them but we know if we get too close we will get stung... if that makes sense.

Better luck with the next one... they aren't all butt nuggets :hugs:

by **Cay Lin** on Tue Jul 06, 2010 1:12 pm

Well, it's not "Bad Boys" with the sagging pants and ballcaps on backwards, because i never could stand those kind of guys, but what i mean by "bad" boys is boys that are "bad" for me. As in, not my type. But usually i don't see that until it's too late.

by **littledebbie1081** on Tue Jul 06, 2010 1:45 pm

Funny... didn't realize it could be defined so many ways... I never liked the Homeboys myself...