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Endurance

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Endurance

Postby spacejunkie » Sun Dec 17, 2017 8:29 am

Sweet like the fruit of the womb
but tomorrow may bring decay
and then will your flower still bloom
or will it wither away?

Will your roots still reach for that damper soil
Or will they dry and crumble in the dust
Will you find fatal your own Petals toil
will you let your leaves and stems rust?

Its sweet, like freshness from the rain
But it wont last more than a day
And will you let that drive you insane
Or will you let everything fall away?

do your depths reach to wells
Full of clean liquid sustenance
Or have your roots failed
your petals wither in repugnance?

So sweet like the fruit of the womb
May heal you for a day
But when left to your own
Be sure not to wither away.
Beware that no one lead you astray saying Lo here or lo there! For the Son of Man is within you. Follow after Him! Those who seek Him will find Him. Go then and preach the gospel of the Kingdom.
spacejunkie
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Re: Endurance

Postby Sheena » Sun Dec 17, 2017 2:07 pm

At least this uses a poetic structure: abab rhyme, and stays consistent.
Too bad it does not say anything, tho it seems to want to be about how we might use what we are given at birth, or not to use it.
The initial image is bizarre, unintelligible. Fruit of the womb is a baby, not a flower. Fruit of the loom is underpants.
It could do without the last two stanzas entirely.
It needs adept grammar and punctuation.
Study A Dream Deferred, Langston Hughes.
Sheena
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Re: Endurance

Postby spacejunkie » Mon Dec 18, 2017 4:02 am

Its about finding inner peace. Sustain yourself. Thanks
Beware that no one lead you astray saying Lo here or lo there! For the Son of Man is within you. Follow after Him! Those who seek Him will find Him. Go then and preach the gospel of the Kingdom.
spacejunkie
Dream Seeker
Dream Seeker
 
Posts: 265
Joined: Mon Mar 03, 2014 2:15 pm
Location: With in

Re: Endurance

Postby Sheena » Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:11 pm

spacejunkie wrote:Its about finding inner peace.
Then say this in the piece.
Sheena
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