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Light (Poem; unfinished)

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Light (Poem; unfinished)

Postby Little8Bits » Sun Sep 11, 2016 5:27 pm

It was midnight, the amount of stars twinkling in the sky were null,
And the outside was grey and dull.
The lamp of space was turned off for tonight,
for the world deserved no light.

But I— I want light.

A candle shines bright,
With just a pen at hand,
And some paper to write the bland,
I begin to write
All the mysteries of the night.

What are your opinions on this preview of my poem? This was just my first time doing a poem, so there ought to be some mistakes. Positive criticism is strongly welcomed.
"Light of eye and soft of touch, speak you little, listen much.
Honor the Old Ones in deed and name,
let love and light be our guides again."
Dream Child
Dream Child
Posts: 28
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2016 4:51 pm

Re: Light (Poem; unfinished)

Postby Sheena » Sat Dec 17, 2016 4:38 pm

If you want to write real verse about light you must focus the work around something else.
If you want to produce jejune doggerel as you have here then it does not matter what you do.
Dream Guru
Dream Guru
Posts: 8785
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2010 2:14 pm

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