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Love

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Love

Postby Reveldevil48 » Wed Dec 30, 2015 10:34 pm

Just thought I'd write a small poem, inspired by a feeling I have for someone


Love
By chelsey


Love flows
like a river or
Falls as rain

Love can be
Deep as the ocean
Shallow as a pool

For me love
Is very intense
A mix of feelings

Enjoy
"I'm so happy because today I've found my friends...they're in my head" Kurt cobain
Reveldevil48
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Re: Love

Postby Sheena » Sat Jan 02, 2016 7:23 pm

Greeeting card verse. We did not enjoy.
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Re: Love

Postby Reveldevil48 » Sat Jan 02, 2016 8:19 pm

Well when you put that way, I did not mean for it to be a greeting card. You must not like greeting cards. Just because you didn't enjoy it, doesent mean others may not have enjoyed it themselves. I'd rather get a second opinion thank you
"I'm so happy because today I've found my friends...they're in my head" Kurt cobain
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Re: Love

Postby Sheena » Sun Jan 03, 2016 2:12 pm

Style definitely needs work. But on reconsideration we do see value in the impressionistic pithy substance. Perhaps we are too hard on you because talent is evident, motivation obvious. Would like to see some growth. Experiment a little.
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Re: Love

Postby Reveldevil48 » Sun Jan 03, 2016 3:54 pm

Ok so I need to grow a little when writing a poem, should I try a little more complex topic, or something simple, thanks I do want to experiment I just don't where to start or can I build off from I poem I've already wrote?
"I'm so happy because today I've found my friends...they're in my head" Kurt cobain
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Re: Love

Postby Sheena » Mon Jan 04, 2016 1:26 pm

Yes and yes. We have already recommended that you read. Then you can imitate the great ones. With what you have been showing you might feel at home with Emily Dickenson. Also, you could take a course.
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Re: Love

Postby pisces_dreamer » Wed Jan 06, 2016 12:33 am

Number one rule of poetry: avoid cliche.
Also,
work on your line breaks.
We're all still learning, dont worry.
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Re: Love

Postby Reveldevil48 » Thu Jan 07, 2016 7:01 pm

Thanks Pisces_dreamer, I'll try not to use cliches, and work on the line breaks in my next poem
"I'm so happy because today I've found my friends...they're in my head" Kurt cobain
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Re: Love

Postby Viktoria7 » Tue Feb 20, 2018 7:02 am

I like it! Good work!
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