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All my dreams are extremely vivid and violent

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All my dreams are extremely vivid and violent

Postby genlouise » Wed Feb 20, 2019 3:19 pm

*Trigger warning for graphic violence, death, rape, etc.*

This post got extremely, long, so I'm sorry for that.

For the past couple years I've been having very violent dreams. I don't dream often, but when I do they are incredibly intense and feel extremely real. It started with a dream that I was in a mass shooting situation. I was sitting in a small park area outside a train station on a bench, modeled after the small parks one finds in downtown NYC, but for some reason this park was outside the Harlem 125th Street train station. (When I said these dreams were vivid, I meant it.) I was sitting on a bench reading a book, when all of a sudden several older white men wearing ski masks showed up with massive rifles. In my dream I remember blacking out for a second out of fear, and sinking to my knees, looking around at the rest of the people in the park as we were rounded up into a circle with the men with guns in the middle, like they were just going to shoot in a circle and take us all out. That is where the dream ended. I just remember the extremely intense fear that coursed through my body in that moment, I woke up and I could still feel it. I couldn't stop thinking about the dream for several weeks, but I was scared to actually tell anyone about it because I didn't want to alarm anyone.

I've had a few variations on that dream, always involving guns in a public setting and that overwhelming sense of fear. Then, a few weeks ago, I had a different dream with a very specific story. It almost felt like a movie, like it had cinematography and wide shots in some moments, but in other moments it felt incredibly real and personal. The story was this: I was on the run with a boy. What we were on the run from is unclear.

We found an old couple living on a giant property with two small houses, and this old couple had been involved in some shady stuff and there were people after them. They let us stay in their house, until eventually the people that were after them showed up. The old man told us to go and hide in the house on the other side of the property, and if they came to find and kill us too he told us to tell them we weren't involved and we should be spared. We run to the house and we split up, locking all the doors and windows, but suddenly I realize this isn't going to work, because the gang is going to want us dead anyways. So I call the old man, and he picks up so I know they haven't found him and killed him yet. I explain to him that they won't spare us voluntarily, and he responds that I'm probably right, so we should just lock all the doors and hide if they come looking. I start calling for the guy I came with initially (in my dream is name is Duncan, I don't know a Duncan in real life but my boyfriend's name is Danny, which I guess is similar), but I can't find him.

I'm walking through the house shouting his name, and all of a sudden I turn around and one of the guys from the gang is behind me. He's slim, not intimidating at all. I put my hands up instinctively and he takes them in his, says "It's okay, just follow me" very gently, and leads me out to the backyard. I realize he's taking me outside to kill me, so I start calling for Duncan again, I'm screaming his name now, but he's not coming. Either he can't hear me or they've already gotten to him and killed him. I realize that death is inevitable at this point, so I stop screaming for Duncan and start begging the guy to kill me quickly. I am terrified of feeling pain, so I just want him to stick a gun to my head and kill me or something.

I keep pleading with him but he doesn't respond, instead he takes me outside and pulls up a big metal stepladder, and I suddenly realize he's going to beat me to death with this stepladder. I start pleading with him again, and I'm screaming hysterically now, begging him to just kill me quickly, because I'm just absolutely terrified of the pain. He swings at me but I'm able to block it and push him away, demanding now that he kill me some other way. He swings again, but this time I manage to grab the stepladder out of his hands. I don't think to use it in self defense; my thinking is I'm going to die one way or another, either he kills me or one of the other members of his gang will come along and do it, so I'd rather he just do it quickly now. But as I'm begging him to pull out a gun, he interrupts me and yells "JUST HIT ME." All of a sudden I realize that he sees the stepladder in my hand and sees a way out of his situation. He has some kind of painful backstory that has driven him to be part of this gang, and he's just looking for a way to end it. So I take a swing at him. He falls to the ground. He tells me to hit him again. So I keep doing it. I hit him until he's dead. I killed him.

The sun has set a little by now, and I look around, expecting someone else to show up. But no one does. I stare at the guy on the ground, then realize I just killed him and I can't stay here and be found with his body. I have a chance to live. So I get up and run through the woods as fast as I can. And that's the end of the dream.

The most recent dream happened last night. I was lying in my bed when I was awoken by a strange, unrecognizable man in his 40s climbing into my room through the window. He's sort of gaunt and gangly, and he's looking through my room at my possessions, making comments about them under his breath. I'm afraid he'll attack me if he sees I'm awake, so I keep my eyes closed and pretend I'm still asleep. I stay like this until he says something about forcing sex on me and starts trying to climb into my bed, at which point I snap awake and start thrashing around. I felt weak, like I was still half asleep, because I think I was trying to move my body around in real life, not just in the dream. I try to kick at him but I'm not strong enough, so I pull out my phone and yell "I'M CALLING FUCKING 911." He steps back and looks around, and I dial 911 and start explaining what's happening. He turns around and leaves the room through the window, and I shout into the phone "Oh my God, he just jumped out the window." I'm having, like, a breakdown, I'm shaking violently and I cannot move.

My roommate is awake now (I live in a college dorm), but she has headphones on so she hasn't noticed anything that's happened. Suddenly I see the man trying to climb back in through the window, so I get out of bed and start screaming at my roommate to follow me into the hallway. She slowly follows me and I start calling 911 again. As I'm closing the door I see the man slip and fall, and suddenly I zoom out like a movie and see him falling, like, ten stories (in real life I live on the fourth floor). In the dream version of my building there are train tracks right next to the building, and he falls on them. He manages to roll out of the way in time, but the old horror-movie-style doll he apparently carries with him has fallen out of his coat and gets run over by the train that suddenly passes by. He looks back at the doll, then just saunters away, perfectly fine. Then I woke up.

These are just a couple of the dreams that I have had recently. They have gotten more and more detailed, with more specific and oddly cinematic storylines. They are incredibly disturbing and cause me a lot of anxiety in real life, and although I don't often have dreams, the ones I do have make it difficult for me to fall asleep. I'm hoping that with some help I can further understand what these dreams might mean, and what I can potentially do to stop them from happening, as they are extremely distressing. They're not just nightmares, they're more than that. Any thoughts you might have would be extremely appreciated. Thanks for reading this far.
genlouise
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Re: All my dreams are extremely vivid and violent

Postby murph » Sun Feb 24, 2019 12:42 pm

Dreams are reflection of your own fear ... And probably that of USA.. in this dream the fear of death and suffering is playing out... . Here in the dream your confronted by "death" and submit to it.. only then to discover that death is also a personality... You actually faced your fear of death at this point in the dream.. death/ fear now becomes your friend...then brings out a stepladder. Symbolical of the way to heaven (love)... .However fear of suffering takes over and you see the ladder/death as a threat rather than your friend.... You were so close to overcoming your fear in this dream.. the times you see the scenario as a movie is the point you almost become lucid and aware that it's just a movie.. other times so real.. this hints at the true nature of life and apparent reality.. the power of mind..
you then become the killer in the dream... Same as death personality....
It's a brilliantly educational dream ..
The best interpretation is the dreamers own interpretation.
murph
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