Page 1 of 1

Dream about new person

PostPosted: Fri Feb 09, 2018 6:17 am
by FlyingGuy
Hi all,

A week ago I got a dream about a girl which I just met a few days before. She is very friendly and enthusiastic yet seems vulnerable at times. There is definitely an attraction from my side, even though I can only be friends with her because I am married.

Anyway, here's the dream.

I am in the middle of a car chase, I don't know if I am chasing someone, or if someone else is chasing me (this is a recurring dream btw), but suddenly she is sitting next to me. She asks me to help her because there is a bird stuck in her house, and she can't get it out. I decide to help her, and we drive to her house, but when we arrive it's actually my house. She shows me the room with the bird, but it's not a room I've ever seen in my house. The bird is circling near the ceiling, and there are lot's of windows in the room, on all 4 walls. I open the windows, and try to guide the bird outside, but every time it's close to the window, it flies back to the centre of the room. At last I manage to get it outside, and I watch it flying away and up. Suddenly I am looking down and back, and I realise I am the bird. Then I see another bird flying next to me, and that bird changes into this girl. Now I'm afraid that she will fall, so I reach out and take her arm, but I realise I'm also no bird any more. We start to fall, but slowly, like a gentle floating to the ground. When we reach the ground, we are in the middle of a castle, with a big closed door in front of us. She immediately opens the door and enters the castle, and I follow her after a couple of seconds. But when I'm inside the castle becomes a maze, and I can't find her any more. I float into the air to better see the maze, but I still can't find her.

And at that moment I woke up.

The floating/flying happens often in my dreams, and I also regularly dream about castles.

I've been looking up explanations for this dream, but I'm still confused about what it would mean, and I hope to get some different perspectives here, which I've not yet tought about.


Re: Dream about new person

PostPosted: Fri Feb 09, 2018 7:38 am
by Varzandeh
The symbols are the same for he and she;

If one dreamt had wings and feathers and flew means he will have a travel.
If dreamt was flying without feathers and wings means his situation will change.
If dreamt flew from his roof to another means he will divorce his partner and will
marry another person.
If dreamt was flying from a place to another like a bird means will have a travel.
If dreamt flew direct to the sky means will have a hurt and loss.

If one dreamt entered a palace/castle means he/she will receive some money and blessing
especially if the palace /castlewas made of sun dried bricks.
If the palace was made of stones, bricks and chalk means he will receive money but his morals will spoil.
If dreamt his palace/castle ruined means his money will waste.
If his palace got fire means the governor will call him into requisition.
Palace may also mean: 1- blessing 2- governorship 3- dignity 4- directorship 5-
kingdom 6- comfort.

Re: Dream about new person

PostPosted: Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:55 pm
by Sheena
FlyingGuy wrote: I realise I'm also no bird any more
Typical consciousness of loss of youth at midlife. You have enough, don't you? But still wish you wanted everything.

Re: Dream about new person

PostPosted: Fri Feb 09, 2018 4:11 pm
by Athanor
Although in order to provide a more accurate interpretation it would usually be best to have some additional general background information about you (and a description of events just before the dream), the recurring elements in this dream (being chased/chasing, floating/flying, castles) are probably some basic clues about its meaning.

For example, the chased/chasing dreams appear to show some basic confusion which could impede your movement towards greater self-development over time. That’s because a vehicle in dreams (whether a truck, car, bicycle, ship or aircraft etc.) represents a complex mix of the physical body along with the dreamer’s interests, drives, wishes and beliefs etc. etc. So it symbolizes a kind of body-and-mind mix with which the person moves through daily life. In this case, your energy is apparently once more snarled up in some kind of confusing “race” which probably involves in the end becoming aware of an important psychological factor inside yourself which could be causing some confusion.

Since the girl suddenly appears out of nowhere in the car, it’s likely that she symbolizes a core issue that’s involved in the chase/chasing dreams. This comes from the fact that a girl in the dreams of a guy often represents his values and emotional side which in most cases is generally less developed and contained than other areas of his personality. This therefore can often tend to cause some disruptions and upsets etc. For example, you’re strongly attracted to the girl you’ve met but you’re married, a recipe for potential problems.

The idea is that an “inner woman” has in effect caused this strong emotional reaction. From early contact with females beginning with your mother or other caregiver etc., an image of the “perfect woman” has been built up over time. In your case, this apparently includes the idea of a girl who is “very friendly and enthusiastic” but who “seems vulnerable at times”. It’s possible that this describes a part of yourself which isn’t very well developed as yet, and instead of working at it over time in the uncomplicated everyday way of, say, keeping an eye on your emotional reactions etc., you might be tempted instead to “save” the outer girl from her vulnerabilities. But in reality, it could be your own susceptibilities etc. which would tend to drive the relationship forward in a wild, chasing/chased emotional way which could “get out of control”.

The girl asks you to help her because there is a wild bird stuck in her house which she can’t get out. The house turns out to be yours, strongly supporting the idea as mentioned that the dream is dealing with an inner psychological issue of your own which is at the centre of your attraction to the girl. Adding to this is the fact that the bird is in a room that you’ve never seen before, that is, a part of yourself about which you’re mostly unaware.

You finally get the bird out of the room and watch it flying up into the sky. A shocking change occurs where you are the bird flying high above the earth. This recurring image might imply that you could tend to prefer intellectual matters as opposed to “earthy reality” (e.g. as maybe also hinted at by the room full of windows which could imply a lot of “light” or “intellect” being involved). In any case, another bird beside you then turns into the girl. By now she probably fully symbolizes an aspect of yourself, likely not only your emotional side but your “practical reality” side as related to the five senses.

So the idea could be that you might lean too often to preferring (e.g. “preferring” as representing the values and emotional side), in a kind of unhelpful way, things that aren’t really related enough to solid earthy realities (e.g. as involved with the five senses).

If so, the danger is that you might end up in an unrealistic attitude too often (e.g. as symbolized by castles), and therefore be subject to a serious "fall" at some point (although maybe in the case of the outer girl at this stage, you can avoid this problem, e.g. you fall softly to the ground). In the dream, the girl within is symbolically quite familiar with this attitude, i.e. she immediately opens the door and enters the castle expecting you to follow which you do. But there you find only a maze and the girl is gone. A maze symbolizes all of the potential confusions and challenges involved in exploring one's own unconscious mind, parts of which lie outside one's more well-developed conscious personality. To find her, you float up into the air to better see the maze, but this recurring image likely represents the idea that you could be less skilled in dealing with certain issues and situations in life than others, at times maybe preferring to “escape” them by a kind of unrealistic intellectual approach. The dream ends at this point, perhaps in a way saying “This is the way things are, so what are you going to DO about it?”

Anyway as mentioned, without knowing anything much about you, this way of looking at your dream might not fit your personal circumstances very well, but I hope that these ideas can be helpful in some way.

Please make any comments or ask any questions about this interpretation that you’d like to.

Re: Dream about new person

PostPosted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 4:24 am
by FlyingGuy
Athanor wrote:Although in order to provide a more accurate interpretation it would usually be best to have some additional general background information about you (and a description of events just before the dream),

Thank you so much! I think you are pretty much spot on... I've never really dealt with my emotions, and just rationalized my way out of issues. Since this dream I feel like I'm in a roller coaster of emotions, this might have triggered something in me. I've even started to write down my feelings, for the first time ever...

Prior to the dream we had just been talking for 3 or 4 days, but almost non-stop. At that time I didn't really had those feelings yet, but I did start to like her a lot. Perhaps what struck me the most was that she could be so open about her dreams and hopes to someone she just met, which might have had this effect on me.

Some general background. I'm an introvert, and I don't have friends with which to discuss emotions (that's what I think, at least). My wife is my best friend, but even with her it's difficult to be open about everything all the time.


Re: Dream about new person

PostPosted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:25 am
by Athanor
Hi again,

From what you’ve written, here are a few more ideas which hopefully can be helpful. For example, because you describe yourself as basically being an inward-looking person, the girl is probably partly very fascinating to you since you describe her in a way that strongly supports the idea that she is your opposite, that is, she’s apparently a very outgoing personality. One theory about the psyche is that it has an automatic tendency to want to complete and round out the overall personality over time. A method it uses is to automatically project undeveloped sides of the personality onto suitable persons. The other person will then seem very fascinating in some way, and if of the opposite sex, strong feelings of attraction can occur. If the two personalities mesh in other ways, a mutual attraction can happen. In this case, the girl could partly be fascinated with your “inward-looking ways” which are not available for her conscious use within herself. All the same, she still might not be feeling as strongly about the relationship as you are.

All of this isn’t very romantic, but keeping these ideas in mind can generally serve to slow down a relationship which might tend to become too problematic over time. For instance, the new and positive connection with your emotional side could take a hit if the relationship soured for whatever reason and you therefore shied away from continuing to work at this part of yourself in some other ongoing way.

A couple of books you could try regarding this subject are “Emotion: A Very Short Introduction” by Dylan Evans, and “Nothing's Wrong: A Man's Guide to Managing His Feelings” by David Kundtz.

Another reliable book is “The Introvert Advantage (How to Thrive in an Extrovert World)” by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D.

It might also be helpful to brush up on your assertiveness skills as described in such time-tested books as “Asserting Yourself-Updated Edition: A Practical Guide for Positive Change” by Gordon H. Bower and Sharon Anthony Bower, and “Your Perfect Right, 10th Edition: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships” by Dr. Robert Alberti PhD and Michael L. Emmons PhD

In any case, please don’t hesitate to ask any other questions you might have.

Re: Dream about new person

PostPosted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 2:05 am
by FlyingGuy

I feel like I'm no longer talking about the dream, but that I'm talking to a psychologist :) which you probably are.

Anyway, I told the girl about my dream. We talked about that, and I told her I had strong feelings for her. She said it was a surprise to her. I also tried to tell her what you said, that this is likely a sign that I have some repressed issues with relationships with people, and with wanting to be an outgoing person myself.

But another thing which might also be an issue is that for the vast majority of my relationship with my wife I couldn't imagine a (happy) life without her. Now I suddenly seem to be able to, and that's scaring me because I still love her and never want to hurt her.

I'll certainly be looking for your book recommendations.

Re: Dream about new person

PostPosted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:09 am
by Athanor
Just to mention first that I’m not a psychologist but just someone who’s been very interested for many years in the approach to dreams and the psyche as developed by the eminent psychiatrist Carl Jung. His ideas have been expanded and deepened even further by his many brilliant intellectual successors. You can get a feel for his concepts in the book that he edited called “Man and his Symbols” which was directed to the general public. Although the usual paperback edition isn’t much to look at, it’s crammed with very valuable information about his ideas and beliefs. The first chapter is by Jung himself and was the last thing he ever wrote, dying a few months later.

It looks like you took an important and impressive plunge into the world of expressing your feelings by speaking with the girl so openly about your dream which is, of course, very personal in itself. Hopefully, she’ll be able to absorb what you said in the right way and be able to stay a friend of yours over time without any danger of getting too involved with her becoming a problem.

I don’t know your age but if by chance you’re near or beyond the age of 35, I often mention how at this time of life (even though we still think of ourselves as being young), the psyche views it as the mid-point of life. So it’s as if the parts of ourselves that had to be put aside because of the demands of our careers and marriage etc. now begin to stir and want to be paid attention to because time could run out before they can be worked at enough before old age makes that less and less possible.

It’s a little complicated to describe, but certain meaningful coincidences can occur which are related to such inner stirrings. Hence it’s possible that the “right girl”, as it were, arrived on the scene at this time and has made a strong impact which is tending to turn you towards an area of yourself which is just normally less in the front rank of your personality makeup. If so, Jung would say that this was partly the call of the Self, that is, the centre of the personality, which urges the person to work at all parts of his or her personality in order to reach a kind of reasonable completeness over time.

Anything that comes along which upsets long-held habits of mind and action, especially those that involve the need to “keep from falling apart”, as it were, can be very difficult to deal with. The challenge we all face is to become a more well-rounded and independent person. This isn’t “egotism” but a deeper connection with reality and meaning, hopefully resulting in a better appreciation of the importance of current close relationships. Jung believed that in marriages, one partner was the “container” and the other one the “contained”, so trying to work out who is which in your own relationship might be one part of the jigsaw puzzle to start with.

If you happen to be approaching mid-life near or far, in addition to the other books I mentioned, you might like Jungian analyst James Hollis’s “Living an Examined Life: Wisdom for the Second Half of the Journey” which provides some useful, straight-forward guidelines on how to move ahead in a more effective way during this stage of life when developing unused parts of oneself becomes important.

Anyway, if you have any further questions or comments, please feel free to let me know of them.

Re: Dream about new person

PostPosted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:54 pm
by Sheena
Thane is correct. It is all about what you are. If you want to be married well, you bring those new-person energies to the spouse. If you don't, then you get to look in the mirror for the rest of your life. Talking about the dream with the fantasy girl and not doing so with the spouse is already infidelity.

Re: Dream about new person

PostPosted: Tue Feb 13, 2018 9:27 am
by FlyingGuy
Athanor wrote:Just to mention first that I’m not a psychologist

Maybe, but once again you're spot on with the rest of your reply.

I don't know what will happen in the future, but I really appreciate the things you told me.