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Having the same dream for decades

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Having the same dream for decades

Postby lisamary1616 » Thu May 26, 2016 8:10 am

This dream just doesn't want to be resolved! I wrote a whole page on it a few minutes ago, then it deleted on me! My cursor wouldn't appear so I couldn't undo the delete! But, this is how this dream is affecting my life. I've had this same dream for almost 20 years now 4 times a month.

In essence, the dream represents my extreme frustration with my life. I've tried to do everything right but things seem to happen much easier for other people even though I've worked hard.

The dream consists of me and my two young daughters trying to catch the subway. Sometimes we catch it, sometimes we don't. If we don't manage to catch the train, then we get stranded somewhere. I feel so frustrated in the dream, like I can't take care of my children. But some of the time it's other people sabotaging us. As in real life. We have been trapped in this subway for 20 years it seems. The subway weaves around the city. There's a tower on the north east side of the city that one can see from the centre. When I see the tower, it reminds me of my father for some reason. I think the tower represents my father. However, the city itself resembles the city my mother grew up in, in real life. In real life, I don't get along with my mother. She never wanted me. She told me she wanted to kill me and wished I died when I was a baby.

One time a couple months ago, the dream changed in the way that we went into an antique store and started talking with the owner about a vase there. We all sat down and he discussed the vase with us. He was a really kind man, but didn't help us actually get out of the subway or help us get to our destination. It reminds me of something that happened in real life where when I volunteered at a museum a professor, who was very enthusiastic about a vase, was explaining to me the history of it. After he left, my boss went up to it and said 'How gauche'. I just stared at her flabbergasted that she would not appreciate the art that was donated to them or the story behind it. Shortly after that, although I was only a volunteer, she let me go. I was crushed since I studied art for 6 years in university and all I wanted to do was work in a museum.

Another time, in the dream, we ended up at a subway that lead to the railway station. And around that same time I had another dream where we had to take the shuttle bus because we missed the subway. We ended up in the middle of nowhere. This happened to us in real life also. Many times. Last night my dream was that we were in a museum in the subway (go figure) and all the art looked like crappy posters you can buy at the dollar store. Maybe it referred to a couple weeks ago, in real life, we went to the Louvre and we were approaching the Mona Lisa but once we got there some fat sweaty guy was blocking me taking a selfie and telling me I was in his way. The story of my life. He was so rude and he ruined the moment for me. I had waited years to visit there and he just angered me so much, it ruined everything. I was really disappointed. Actually, thinking about it right now, I'm still angry. It's worth noting that my whole life I've been blamed for the problems in my family. I've been the scapegoat. For some reason people have made me out to be a thief, when it was them who stole everything from us. Once my sister assaulted my landlord and caused our eviction. She felt bad then and offered for us to stay at one of her condos. Then she kicked us out for no reason. She said it was because she was broke. But she wasn't. She went around telling people we were 'squatters'. Meanwhile, I had been taking care of her pets and helping with all sorts of things. I had even helped her find a beautiful home in New York. I guess all the while I was hoping she'd do me the favour back of helping us find a place to live after she got us evicted. She had also 'stored' all our antiques but never gave them back to us. When I asked about it she said she didn't know what happened to them and blamed her ex- husband. Later I found out she DID have them and never paid the storage bill so all our antiques were auctioned off without our knowing. But then she went around saying I owed her money! When she kicked us out she brought the police. At that time my children were only 8 and 12. It was my youngest's birthday that day. The police who escorted us out said we could come back to get our things. When we went back, my mother was there. I was shocked to see her there. She made my daughters hug her. I wanted to vomit! She asked me why we didn't invite her to my daughter's birthday. I said we were homeless, there was no party! So, my parents and my sister conspired to de-house us and take our things, yet again. And on my youngest daughter's birthday. We were homeless after that. Finally, I was able to find us a home but it was traumatic, because the very people who were to be there for us in times of trouble, caused the trouble.

Recently, in the dream, we got stuck in a bathroom stall. The staff got angry at us but didn't kick us out of the subway. I wish they had because we wouldn't have been stuck there wandering around.

Anyway, the point is, I'm sad and frustrated and I feel that if I could solve what this recurring dream means, I could possibly move on with my life. I suppose when you think about it, it is frustrating since you have this whole system of transportation surrounding you, but you still feel trapped and helpless and going nowhere. I think the main thing is I feel I can't get ahead. That we're completely alone and when we do ask for help, we are either ignored or sabotaged. Usually by our own family.

If you have any questions that you'd like to ask to help put the pieces of this puzzle together, please ask. Maybe it will help. I just want to get out of this hell. I want to do better for my children and perhaps that means being able to identify when people don't have my best interest at heart. Thank you.
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Re: Having the same dream for decades

Postby Lurhstaap » Thu May 26, 2016 1:43 pm

To be honest, it sounds to me like you know exactly what this means. It's your life in microcosm, and your sense of being trapped within it. You need to resolve your life, which in turn will resolve the dream. Not that it's easy to do that. Lord, no. You've had it rough and it's not going to get easier. But you can get stronger and keep surviving. I know how trite and empty that sounds. I know because I'm living my own version of this problem. It's horrible when you struggle with all your might and never seem to accomplish anything - if lucky all that work keeps you in the same place, if not, backslide... I know what it's like to feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. And you have kids to worry about on top of it all. Essentially the dream says you have the tools to get where you need to go, but you're not using them. I suspect there is a connection to your self esteem... it's hard to be effective when you hate yourself ... again, been there. Just keep fighting. You'll get there eventually. Another thing... do you know where you want to go? In a subway it doesn't help to know you don't want to be where you are ... you need to have a destination. Maybe you need a better idea of what you DO want from life. Just a thought.
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Re: Having the same dream for decades

Postby DavidBeier » Thu May 26, 2016 2:14 pm

(I mean this in the most sympathetic way possible)

It sounds like you need to stop worrying about the dream and start dealing with the issues that are causing it.

You've already told us where every element of the dream comes from and how angry you still are about a bunch of past grievances. The fact that you're still angry as you write this (and the fact that u still have the dream), indicates that you haven't really dealt with these issues.

There's nothing to "solve" in the dream. You're not going to come up with a new interpretation that's going to make you feel better. Getting out of the subway isn't going to magically make all these issues go away.

What you need to do is start the long and difficult path of finding a way to move beyond all these past problems. It's not a quick fix. It's not easy. But I doubt you'll stop having the dream unless you deal with things.

Good luck.
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Re: Having the same dream for decades

Postby lisamary1616 » Sat May 28, 2016 4:31 am

Thank you both for your thoughts. DM - Perhaps the whole subway system represents the dysfunction of my childhood. Perhaps I need to branch out and look beyond it. And maybe you're right about thinking of a new destination. I don't have any contact with my parents anymore and neither do my children. Perhaps the museum I volunteered at was dysfunctional also. After all, my friend, who used to work in another department, said they were very difficult people. Maybe once I gain self esteem, I will automatically be repelled by dysfunction.
Brian: Although you noted your comment was meant in the 'most sympathetic way possible', it didn't sound like it. 'A bunch of grievances' ? I supposed I should 'just get over' my mother saying she wants to kill me.
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Re: Having the same dream for decades

Postby Scorpio1 » Sat May 28, 2016 1:18 pm

David Beier is absolutely right. It's not about stopping the subway dreams, the subway dreams are simply accurately reflecting your life! When you change, your dreams will change, too.

You will probably not thank me for saying this, but I can see from my detached perspective that you have developed a 'victim' mentality, kind of 'Poor me, why should this happen to me?' (The short answer is karma; which goes on operating whether you "believe" in karma or not, and will play out until you accept it and begin to change inwardly; then your karma will start to change).

You are carrying around a lot of resentment, anger and expectations. Never mind what other people did or didn't do. That'll be their karma! Forget about it, if you brood and blame people it will just poison your attitude. And as we attract on the outside what we are on the inside, you'll just get more crap in your life.
The subway is your own unconscious, this is why you never get anywhere, as you are stuck and not making progress. YOU have to take responsibility for changing your life. I've met people with worse relatives than yours. Yes, they were mean and selfish. LET IT GO. If this is difficult, maybe you could *use* your anger to motivate yourself. Eg, "That person's behaviour was so out of order, that I am not going to waste even one more moment on thinking about them." Because it's you who will suffer, not them.
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Re: Having the same dream for decades

Postby Superman1 » Mon May 30, 2016 8:39 pm

I don't know if you're still here, but this might help you understand your dream.
Maybe your page you first wrote that was deleted reflected your wish this issue would be deleted or end.


THE TOWER AND CITY
I do have one question. How does your father fit in this?
If he is a positive influence, the tower that reminds you of him might represent love and support and being above all this, when you find your centre.
The east is where the sun rises for a new day. The north is always up.
However if he a controlling influence or might transmit more of what the city contains, it'll mean stuff like that.
If it was a communication tower, then that can mean a high desire for that with the right people which can bring you above it and that has been sorely lacking in your life with family anyway by them.
Or maybe he is absent.
I think the tower probably stands for good though. The city of life might be where you don't get along, maybe don't feel wanted or accepted. Those things your mother said are such horrible things for a mother to say to her child, the worst things, and are incomprehensible why she did except was severely abused herself in some way. Do you know why she did? No wonder it has scarred you and continued to affect you.
The tower might now make more sense, contrasted to the city it's in. It might reflect your self value too, wanting that to be higher, opposite to how the subway is lower.


A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO: YOUR VALUE
This might be when you first started to want to change it.
Maybe you were thinking about your antique problem, though antiques which you admire are very valuable so may mean this in you and wanting your value, and maybe seeing you should have had this long ago in your past. Maybe owning all this or the responsibility you have in it. And a vase is for a flower which might mean your blossoming or love which flowers mean in particular.
Kindness was on your mind, the best combatant of unkindness, though help was not forthcoming, to get to your desired destination out of this subway-go-round beneath the ground.
The real situation with a vase it reminded you of is how crushing this is. What happened then at the real museum is equally as cruel, for all your hard work.

gauche': unsophisticated and socially awkward
"a shy and gauche teenager"


Could she have been referring to you, through thinking too highly of herself, rather than be happy to give a young beginner a chance?
Another time, you saw the possibility of getting on a better track on ground level - the train.
In the other dream of the same time you missed it, ending up nowhere.


LAST NIGHT'S DREAM: MUSEUM
"In a museum in the subway and all the art looked like crappy posters." A museum which displays the ancient past may show how the past influences you. I wonder if it may even show the way you value the past that maybe you did not know, like the antique. It's crappy and cheap or of no value as it is, this vision as shown by the posters which is a stark contrast to the normal treasure in a museum.
Unfortunately, no matter the cause, having this mindset can mean it will be reproduced in reality, as mentioned. Like at the museum, the Louvre, and missing real subways.
The way you have described it though, almost seems like you think you have no choice. You could have just postponed your moment with Mona for a short while more, until that guy is finished, even with some hopeful humour at this passing phase. That could help break the cycle.
Recently, in the dream, you all got stuck getting rid of the crap - symbolized by the public toilet - probably angering you, as you couldn't get out the lower way.

_______
REALITY
Yes, having this whole system of transportation surrounding you, but you still feel trapped and helpless and going nowhere can show you have to travel in life, somewhere, but is wandering or going nowhere or the same ways. And the subway, being under the surface, might suggest being somewhat subconscious or beneath full awareness, which can explain why you have dreamt this for so long.
It seems you have started in the right direction though, and it will usually take a long time to effectively change anything that has existed for a long time.
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Re: Having the same dream for decades

Postby lisamary1616 » Fri Jul 21, 2017 10:35 am

I think my boss meant the vase was tacky and not sophisticated. I thought it was beautiful, although it wasn't as beautiful as other vases, I could appreciate the work put into it. It's also important to note that I wasn't feeling too good about myself at the time. And I did believe she was attacking my taste and character. I look back now and realise my friend in the other department was right. They were all very difficult people. In fact, their level of rudeness and immaturity was beyond unprofessional. Once I got in the elevator and they were coming up from the cafeteria. One asked me if I wanted to go for a coffee with them, I said sure. I was so happy they invited me because up until then they had just rejected me. Then, one little punk intern about 18 years old said 'Psych'. I looked back and they were all laughing. So there I was, stuck in the elevator with three bullies, including my own boss who was laughing also. However, I am more angry with myself for possessing the 'vibe' or weakness or whatever that would cause them to do such things or my lacking the trait that would help me defend myself from such childishness. Perhaps I should have privately talked to my boss later and asked her, why she let the intern do something like that and why she, as my boss and supposedly the leader, was also laughing? I mean, who was the boss here? But we all look back at times in our lives and wonder why I didn't I say this or do that. Yeah, it still stings because, remember, I went to school for a very long time dreaming I would be employed by that museum on a permanent basis. Ever since I visited that museum when I was 7 years old I knew I wanted to work with art and work at a huge museum like that.
The tower as my father: he is a very tall man - almost 6'7". The tower being north east probably represents his family coming from Scandinavia (in relation to North America, where we live now). I think I just wanted him to protect me and accept me. But I recently realised he never will and I've accepted that. I do have the tendency to consider myself a victim. But I have recently made a more concerted effort to look at the positive things that I have worked for and achieved. It's really hard for anyone to admit and accept that something they wanted will never come to be.
But...I realise now that God had something much bigger planned for us than me working in that museum. I started writing and making my own art and it's taken me beyond that musuem.
Incidentally, there was one time recently where I had a nicer dream. It was somehow related to that dream but we weren't stuck. I woke up feeling hopeful and happy that I finally broke free. Unfortunately, the dream did come back a few times. But at least I know I can dream something different and better. Maybe I should just get my driver's licence. lol
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Re: Having the same dream for decades

Postby PiscesRising » Mon Sep 25, 2017 7:21 am

The subway is a symbol of sex. It is also a sign that you are on the right track.

So, when the dreams are on the actual subway, it means one thing. Being stuck in the bathroom of the subway is something else, indicating emotions (water), elimination and cleansing.

The vase is a symbol of your life. It is precious to you, but other people may not appreciate it. It seems that your dreams are telling you to stop looking for approval from other people. Stop looking for help from other people. You have the talent and smarts to be successful on your own (as symbolized by the tower).
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Re: Having the same dream for decades

Postby rokopoko » Thu Nov 30, 2017 5:59 am

I'm having very similiar dreams to yours and have just opened another topic reagarding those dreams.. :) And to all people telling you that you're trying to be a victim - try to tame your need to judge and instead better look inside yourself, there might lie something yet undiscovered...

In my reccurent dreams I'm trying to catch a bus/train/plane and then suddenly get very heavy feet and can't walk up to the train, which is leaving... It's so frustrating.. Or I'm at the airport and can't find the terminal from which my plane is leaving... Or I'm trying to get to the train, but then suddenly I realise I forgot something, like a bag or a bike, and then I have to run and pick it up first... And in the meantime I panic because I know I won't make it..

And in the morning after I usualy have realy strong headaches...

I suppose this dream is telling me the story of my childhood, a sad story about beeing forgotten and given away to early.. About having to conform to my mothers wishes or risk loosing her "love".. That train would take me to a life, where I could maybe have a chance of a loving family in which I could grow happily... But that chance is long gone, I just haven't completely realised it yet and I'm stil looking for that parent's love as an adult - maybe by searching for looks from other people, maybe by trying to be something special in everything I do or by trying to be totaly understanding at passively accept every wish from my children...
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Re: Having the same dream for decades

Postby Sheena » Thu Nov 30, 2017 3:53 pm

Those morning headaches are probably from bruxing while you sleep due to anxiety, in turn due to supressed anger.
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Re: Having the same dream for decades

Postby rokopoko » Tue Dec 05, 2017 2:47 am

Sheena wrote:Those morning headaches are probably from bruxing while you sleep due to anxiety, in turn due to supressed anger.


Yes, it could be... And it could also be a sign of the inner child inside of me trying to break free.. trying to make himselft visible and seen...
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Re: Having the same dream for decades

Postby Sheena » Mon Dec 11, 2017 8:05 am

Ok, keep your life tragic and complicated. It won't make you interesting.
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